Do we lose people because our outlook has changed about life, and are depressed and feeling hopeless, or is it them? Is it because they cannot possibly understand? Or is it that they are not accepting or welcoming? Maybe a little bit of both?
I’ve lost some people who used to be in my life, and I used to think it was all because of them and their reaction or demeanor. But now I realize it was me also. I’ve become more introverted and I isolate myself and the way I think about things has changed drastically. This has drastically changed my whole life.
Hey @mbheart
I notice as a caregiver I try my hardest to care about my loved one tremendously
And I noticed that when she goes through hell
I go through hell
In fact ,my own mental health has been declining
As the mood swings and constant stressful situations occurring
The other day I started to take initiative to take care of myself for once
I bought mood support from the store
That had 5htp and l trytophan
I have all these Adaptogenic mushrooms I eat on the daily basis
And I began taking magnesium l threonate and exercising more
And eating better
Im starting to feel a lot better with myself
And you know my partner is starting to do better with the lamictal medication the doctor prescribed her with
Which means I feel a lot better also for some reason
Anyways
I just wanted to share this with you…
And I’m going to attempt to find someone who knows My partner to take care of her for a few days
While I go on a retreat for myself
I hope you feel better !
Hi @TheSunshineMaras, I hear mixed posts from you. Some days she’s doing good, other days she’s ready to leave you, and some days you fight like cats and dogs. But just remember even the best relationships must face difficult challenges and I truly believe you care for her. I feel she is very lucky to have you.
Hoping she stabilizes long term, and you guys can find some peace.
Yes, it is a hellish life for the caregiver, which is why I started that thread about being compensated.
I’ve dropped everything (except work) and everyone to focus solely on my son. Even on his “good days”, I still feel drained and exhausted from worry.
Hi @Maggie46, yes I have to admit it’s mostly me, the life I live. I chose it. Can no longer point the finger @ everyone else, and cry the blues and say they all abandoned me and my son. If I’m to be honest, it’s my doing to be alone with my son. All of my energy goes to him
your daughter is in my thoughts and wishing the best for her
I’ve definitely become more introverted. I’m already introverted! In interactions with people I don’t know well I think I’ve become a less empathetic person. More removed. Also, actually, more tolerant of annoyances and other everyday negatives; I think they are all so small compared to scz.
Yes @rmbheart as Mums we have made the choice not to abandon our adult children and it does deplete our energy.
My friends are few and far between, it suits me that way, as I’m not interested in small talk anymore, my life is now defined by this illness.
I have my new “family” friends on this forum who truly understand us.
Yeah it was a radical ride if only I can elaborate to the fullest of our journey
But to summarize it completely would be
On invega totally stable emotionally
But was highly over medicated at first
Severe akathasia and dystonia
With shot reduction a few times She was more cognitively sharper
She was able to think thoroughly through everything
Do more…
Besides the fact of the dystonia and akathasia
Then 10months later after stopping medication completely ,it all vanished …
What was left was huge depression that couldn’t be relieved totally with diet or supplementation
With paranoia at night
And she started having delusional thinking pretty often that were about me …
This was terrifying to be quite honest
She was strong enough to understand this
After we went to the doctor
They helped by giving her lamictal
Because she knew that we were pretty heart broken with the movement disorder stuff
Anyways
The lamictal takes a while to work
And it’s not perfect
But the quality of life severely improved after taking lamictal
We are going to consider taking a small Tiny dose of the new antipsychotic supposibly coming out this March that should have really low side effect profile
And the rest would be supplementation
We found out a lot on our journey
And our beginning to get more stable
Although the medicine should be more effective after a month of taking it
And yeah she wants to break up with me because she thinks I’m the one responsible for her depressive episodes…
But she’s been doing good today
I think the lamictal is starting to work
@amysfo, so true. I’ve become a bit “hardened” and “removed” as well. My attempt at trying to remain strong I think.
Still cry a lot, then I feel stronger and “tougher”, it goes in cycles for me. But still grieving everyday, underneath the exterior.
Yes, more tolerant of things going wrong, not flipping out as much, because i feel like those things that used to aggravate me are nothing compared to sz.
I’m just not going to roll over and die…
I am just not…
It is indeed a harder life…
But perhaps you can make a life a little better regardless …
Even by a little
So true @TheSunshineMaras we can only but try, your posts always show compassion and great resolve trying to make life tolerable for both you and your girlfriend.
@Itsastruggle
Yes!
Very excited to do something like that
A sign of caregiver burnout would be depression
And guilt…
It’s almost to the point where if you don’t make time for your own sanity
You will inevitably sink with them
If you make time for yourself ,you won’t go through burn out
And you will be better able to care for your loved one
Im going to have to make it a priority for the both of us that I get the time I need regardless!
Find a caregiver once a week! Pay them 100$ to provide care or simply be a friend
HELL IM even considering a live in caregiver and the compensation would be just free room aboard
That would be amazing!
Idk…
I’m about to put up an ad on Craigslist right now…
It should be pretty good …
I just thought about how this would be ideal!
I’m going to try and make that happen
My heart goes out to all who experience an ill loved one and in a sense we all change a have to accept a new way we have to look at the future. I feel sad many times but, I do remind myself that this loved one is still here… thank goodness for that.
Isn’t that the truth! I definitely isolate and actually push people away regularly, sigh! I have a few solid people in my life that completely understand my struggles and that is enough for me. I don’t have time for new friends, small talk or anybody that doesn’t truly understand my struggles. I’m still pretty loud, colorful and a complete extrovert. I guess that can’t be taken away, lol! Surprisingly, I have definitely noticed that I am becoming much more confident as I chip away at the years.
I’m going to Bali for 2 1/2 weeks in May! I’m going to do a whole lot of nothing and I simply can’t wait! Time to recharge the caregiver fatigue.
Totally agree! I don’t complain about anything - everything is so, so easy compared to sza. I easily take on new rolls at work because they’re nothing compared to my son. My son’s illness had actually made me so much more confident.
I’ve accepted my role in my son’s life and yes, it’s harder, but I still find enjoyment. I find happiness in the small things, it’s all about perspective.
