Hello, thanks for reading. I am new to the forum and this is my first post Sorry if I’m coming off as venting/ranting, b/c I probably am a little bit. I’m just at the end of my rope and kind of need to vent to people who might get it.
My boyfriend and I are both 24, and he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when he was around 19. We have been dating for about 10 months and knew each other for about a year prior to dating. We moved in together about 3 months ago, when he got out of a one month stay in the psych ward. He had been off his meds for about 5 months when he was committed and is now on them again.
Us moving in together wasn’t planned at all. I lived with my mom previously, and he was at my house A LOT and long story short when she asked him to leave one day all hell broke loose and she threatened to call the cops so we left and couch surfed for a couple days until he got picked up by the cops and taken to the hospital. I found a new place to live and a month later he was there with me. I was nervous about moving in with him, but it seemed like the only option as he did not feel safe at his old place (or so he said, part of me thinks he manipulated this whole thing to get us living together b/c he had been talking about moving in together very early on in our relationship).
The past few months have been incredibly difficult, to say the least. In the beginning of our relationship, we were both really happy (typical honeymoon phase) and now we’re living together, I am miserable. I became very depressed very quickly after he moved in; I was suicidal and just wanted out and the hell away from him. He makes me crazy (sorry for being insensitive but). We both smoke pot but his habit is dangerously out of control; he has smoked $100 worth in pot in two days, and it’s always the same. My habit is not nearly so out of control, I mostly just use to help me with my insomnia, but now I’m supporting his habit (or else I’m accused of not supporting him, not loving him, etc.) and paying for all the groceries and stuff. He even steals weed from me if I have it and don’t give him enough to make it through the day (I’m a university student and I work part time so i’m out of the house a lot) and then makes up excuses to justify it. The only time he actually contributes enough money for food is when one of his family members takes him to buy food. Then he’ll say stuff like “see it always works out, you just have to trust me.” And it’s like AGGHHH!!! He gets 1600 every month from the gov’t and rent is only $400, but i still have to constantly give him money, for junk food, weed, bus pass, w/e he couldn’t afford at the end of the month. And he always says he can’t get a job, not even a part time one, and that could be the case, I don’t live in his body but he could at least do the dishes while I’m out all day at school/work.
But his behaviours are really eating at me too. He is constantly talking, I hardly ever get five minutes of peace and quiet to study or think. He’s always talking about his past, his exes, his theories, himself. I’ll say something, and he’ll either make it about him somehow or give me some simplistic response that is based on his theories. I just feel like my needs for communication, companionship, and intellectual conversation and connection that I need from ALL relationships in my life isn’t being met at all. He is jealous of my other friendships and is suspicious of me all the time, always says I’m cheating on him (never have cheated on any partner I’ve been with), he bashes my mom, makes sick sex jokes that a teenage boy would make, if I do/say/think something he doesn’t agree with or that he thinks will taint my perception of him he says I’m being delusional, that someone is manipulating me and that it isn’t really me, saying i have “entities” in me that need to “be exorcised”. He even sometimes tells me i will go to hell if i don’t buy into what he’s telling me b/c he thinks he is some greatly enlightened being that is the answer for the masses. And he does sometimes implicitly threaten violence (“I don’t know what I’d do if [x], but it probably wouldn’t be good”). To make that worse, he thinks we are destined to be together and that we are meant for each other ( to anyone reading who is into New Age stuff, he thinks we are twin flames) and he says that if I leave him he’ll be single forever. He’s even said before that I HAVE to stay with him (and he’s added to that before that God would be pissed if we broke up and we would both be damned to hell).
TL;DR: My relationship with my bf is toxic to my physical and mental health and i want out. We have two months left on our lease. I care about him and want him to have a happy life and find love but I can’t do this anymore. I need advice on how to leave the relationship safely and how to deal with anything that might come after (he has a history of stalking his exes). I don’t want to kick him out now, with nowhere to go and all his stuff in my place. I was thinking of waiting until the last month of our lease (April) and telling him I no longer want to live with him. But I’m afraid of him getting violent and going on a rampage and destroying all my stuff or assaulting me. And my mom doesn’t know we’re living together and my dad lives 6 hours away. And there isn’t a chance for me to just pack up all my stuff and leave b/c he never leaves the house. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice is welcome. Thanks in advance