Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Me and my live-in boyfriend: I want out


#1

Hello, thanks for reading. I am new to the forum and this is my first post :slight_smile: Sorry if I’m coming off as venting/ranting, b/c I probably am a little bit. I’m just at the end of my rope and kind of need to vent to people who might get it.

My boyfriend and I are both 24, and he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder when he was around 19. We have been dating for about 10 months and knew each other for about a year prior to dating. We moved in together about 3 months ago, when he got out of a one month stay in the psych ward. He had been off his meds for about 5 months when he was committed and is now on them again.

Us moving in together wasn’t planned at all. I lived with my mom previously, and he was at my house A LOT and long story short when she asked him to leave one day all hell broke loose and she threatened to call the cops so we left and couch surfed for a couple days until he got picked up by the cops and taken to the hospital. I found a new place to live and a month later he was there with me. I was nervous about moving in with him, but it seemed like the only option as he did not feel safe at his old place (or so he said, part of me thinks he manipulated this whole thing to get us living together b/c he had been talking about moving in together very early on in our relationship).

The past few months have been incredibly difficult, to say the least. In the beginning of our relationship, we were both really happy (typical honeymoon phase) and now we’re living together, I am miserable. I became very depressed very quickly after he moved in; I was suicidal and just wanted out and the hell away from him. He makes me crazy (sorry for being insensitive but). We both smoke pot but his habit is dangerously out of control; he has smoked $100 worth in pot in two days, and it’s always the same. My habit is not nearly so out of control, I mostly just use to help me with my insomnia, but now I’m supporting his habit (or else I’m accused of not supporting him, not loving him, etc.) and paying for all the groceries and stuff. He even steals weed from me if I have it and don’t give him enough to make it through the day (I’m a university student and I work part time so i’m out of the house a lot) and then makes up excuses to justify it. The only time he actually contributes enough money for food is when one of his family members takes him to buy food. Then he’ll say stuff like “see it always works out, you just have to trust me.” And it’s like AGGHHH!!! He gets 1600 every month from the gov’t and rent is only $400, but i still have to constantly give him money, for junk food, weed, bus pass, w/e he couldn’t afford at the end of the month. And he always says he can’t get a job, not even a part time one, and that could be the case, I don’t live in his body but he could at least do the dishes while I’m out all day at school/work.

But his behaviours are really eating at me too. He is constantly talking, I hardly ever get five minutes of peace and quiet to study or think. He’s always talking about his past, his exes, his theories, himself. I’ll say something, and he’ll either make it about him somehow or give me some simplistic response that is based on his theories. I just feel like my needs for communication, companionship, and intellectual conversation and connection that I need from ALL relationships in my life isn’t being met at all. He is jealous of my other friendships and is suspicious of me all the time, always says I’m cheating on him (never have cheated on any partner I’ve been with), he bashes my mom, makes sick sex jokes that a teenage boy would make, if I do/say/think something he doesn’t agree with or that he thinks will taint my perception of him he says I’m being delusional, that someone is manipulating me and that it isn’t really me, saying i have “entities” in me that need to “be exorcised”. He even sometimes tells me i will go to hell if i don’t buy into what he’s telling me b/c he thinks he is some greatly enlightened being that is the answer for the masses. And he does sometimes implicitly threaten violence (“I don’t know what I’d do if [x], but it probably wouldn’t be good”). To make that worse, he thinks we are destined to be together and that we are meant for each other ( to anyone reading who is into New Age stuff, he thinks we are twin flames) and he says that if I leave him he’ll be single forever. He’s even said before that I HAVE to stay with him (and he’s added to that before that God would be pissed if we broke up and we would both be damned to hell).

TL;DR: My relationship with my bf is toxic to my physical and mental health and i want out. We have two months left on our lease. I care about him and want him to have a happy life and find love but I can’t do this anymore. I need advice on how to leave the relationship safely and how to deal with anything that might come after (he has a history of stalking his exes). I don’t want to kick him out now, with nowhere to go and all his stuff in my place. I was thinking of waiting until the last month of our lease (April) and telling him I no longer want to live with him. But I’m afraid of him getting violent and going on a rampage and destroying all my stuff or assaulting me. And my mom doesn’t know we’re living together and my dad lives 6 hours away. And there isn’t a chance for me to just pack up all my stuff and leave b/c he never leaves the house. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice is welcome. Thanks in advance :slight_smile:


#2

Sounds like he has a Marijuana addiction. And is a bit delusional. Maybe from smoking so much pot.
Toxic relationship none the less. Hope you get out of it.


#3

This is a time when you need to put yourself first and worry about what is best for you. The longer you keep him the harder he will be to get rid of. He can take care of himself. It’s kind of like that old song - “There must be fifty ways to leave your lover”. Find a way to get rid of him.


#4

Sounds like a tough issue. It was well written though. I’d try to tell him you don’t want to be part of his life anymore and keep a cell phone handy to call the cops if he gets threatening. Another option is to tell your landlord you’re moving out at the end of the lease, wait the two months and pack your stuff for a new place. Usually if you have an instinct that he might get violent it’s because you know him that well, so I wouldn’t ignore your guts feeling. You can always tell the cops that he has a history of mental illness but if he is taking his meds having him committed will be hard. I think if your name is on the lease you can make him leave, if both your names are I don’t know what you can do.

When I decided to burn bridges with my best friend I was sure he was going to harass me by phone or drop by my place without letting me know. He did send text messages and call in the beginning but he hasn’t come yet, but it’s kinda like you, I got to know him very well and I would always be walking on eggs around him because of his fiery temper.

It pains me to see girls like you who get into difficult relationships because I, myself don’t have a girlfriend and really want one and I would always treat her right, it is not in my personality to be violent with the opposite sex and I try to always remain calm, so when undeserving boys get their way with women it really does make me wonder what it is that I missed. :interrobang:


#5

I would have a police officer there while you pack. hopefully a CIT trained officer. Maybe write a note first explaining how you feel the night before and go to stay at a friends or your parents the first night. The next day, have someone go with you to get your things along with the police if you feel threatened. If you feel you are going to be stalked, tell the police this-tell them the whole situation. Hopefully they will keep any drama down. I would not stay by myself for awhile until you feel safe.
Good luck.