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Boyfriend is paranoid & delusional


#1

Hello. This is my first time here. I’m so glad I found this community, as I’m struggling right now and need some support.

My boyfriend has suffered from paranoia and delusions, a lot over the past 9 years. We’ve been together 3 years. I believe he was abused as a child and may have some PTSD. He refuses any type of relationship with his parents (they divorced when he was 6 and re-married). He absolutely despises his step-Dad. He was hospitalized once in 2009 for calling 911 and telling them he needed guns to protect himself from the police outside his house. This was when he was heavily drinking and smoking marijuana, right after his ex-girlfriend left him. He then had a daughter with a new girlfriend a couple years later, but soon enough that girlfriend left and took the baby with her and he hasn’t seen her since 2012. I should note he has trust issues and has no idea how to cope with high stress. He has been smoking marijuana since age 23, he’s 34 now.

In late 2012, he was pulled over and after resisting arrest and fighting back (he was paranoid and delusional), he ended up going to jail for 2 weeks. During this time we were friends and I would see him a couple times a month, so wasn’t able to see his symptoms clearly. In 2013, year he attacked his neighbor because he believed he was coming into his house and wouldn’t leave. He went to jail for a few weeks. He told me about it after he got out of jail and I knew then that he was losing it. I stuck by him, as a friend and tried to be someone he could trust. But still would only see him a few times a month. Fast forward to late 2014, we started spending a lot of time together, together almost everyday. He then started accusing me of sleeping with his friends that I had never met. Then apologized a few weeks later. We became serious about being together and were inseparable. Someone then stole all of his work equipment equaling over $100,000, (this was not a false belief, it truly did happen), and this made him spiral out of control. He started getting very aggressive and I started to keep my distance and stay away from him, while still letting him know I loved him. He suffered a lot after the robbery and quickly became OBSESSED with the idea that the police robbed him. He would call 911 often to make a report of misconduct against a police officer. He suffered a lot that year and it was honestly hell being around him. He eventually got arrested for attacking a stranger and was in jail for 70 days, (medicated the whole time in jail because I called and bugged them and mentioned I believe he had schizophrenia, I was in contact with the jail doctor nearly every day. They gave him haldol shots). When he got out of jail, he had to deal with the mental health court, and they then sent him to live in a program for 3-months. They gave him medicine there and they did group therapy, etc. He was doing amazing! I had never seen him so healthy and well and clear minded. So once he was finished at the program, we moved into a new apartment together. By the time we moved in, he was free of marijuana for 5 months! He was seeing a psychiatrist twice a month, sometimes 3 times a month. He was happy with his doctor and took his medicine (ABILIFY 20mg) with no issues, he was really good about it too. He would sleep a lot and seemed to be more quiet but those were the only side effects I noticed. He stayed with that doctor and continued his medicine for 6 months, and continued to stay sober as well. He then started smoking again and within a month, he wanted to quit his medicine and quit seeing his doctor. That was January 2017. He did very well all of 2017, until June. He would start to complain he wasn’t feeling good and would go lay down in bed, then re-emerge an hour later as his normal, happy self. This started happening frequently and I asked him if he would like to talk to his doctor about it, he refused and became upset with me. By the end of June he was already packing his stuff and ready to move out of our apartment, he told his friends, “it’s not her, it’s the police, they’re following me and harassing me, I have to move out of there.” So he left. And the day he left, he told me, “you are the reason the police follow me, everywhere you go, they go”.

This is so hard for me because I did not see it coming. And I really want to get him the help he needs. I refuse to give up on him. His friends and I are talking and trying to come up with a few plans to get him back on his medication. But he’s still smoking marijuana, very heavily. He says it helps the “stress”.

He is living with a close friend and I’m in contact with that friend on a daily basis. He says my boyfriend seems “fine” but one thing I noticed is my boyfriend is very good at switching to seem “normal” when necessary. It’s only a matter of time before his friend sees that he is clearly struggling in his mind.

We want to do an intervention and I asked his doctor about it but he seems to think it’s a bad idea. Has anyone else had success with an intervention? And have any of your loved ones been paranoid about the police? Or believed they were coming into their home and hurting them?

Thank you.


#2

I’m really sorry that you are going through all of this. In my opinion though, an intervention is not a good idea for someone with schizophrenia. They are difficult enough when the only issue is addiction, never mind a mental illness on top of that. People with sz have a hard time dealing with stress, way more so than your average person and an intervention is the epitome of stress for that person. I would talk to someone from NAMI, or some other organization that deals with mental illness before going forward. I know that you don’t want to make the situation worse, and they could help you with the next steps. I wish you the best while you try to help your boyfriend come back to health!


#3

I am also sorry that you are going through this. I agree that an intervention with a schizophrenic can end up with a poor outcome because they are not able to rationalize when they are ill. My advice would be to try to get your boyfriend to start over with treatment-- but to do so with a skilled dual diagnosis facility trained in dealing with both the addiction and the mental illness simultaneously. My son had drug problems too and if both issues aren’t addressed together, neither improves long term. I also agree that NAMI is a good resource to use if you have a chapter near you. My best to you.


#4

I did! Do an Ex Parte. Check my recent post. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, I know how it feels.


#5

I’m sorry you are experiencing this, your story is so similar to mines but its my son. My son is already paranoid and hallucinating on a daily basis with the monthly Invega Sustenna injections but when he adds marijuana to the mix, his paranoid delusions escalate and he blames me for the being on medication and needing treatment. Although, I try to be a strong advocate for him and work with the PDocs to address this issue, I have to keep myself safe and healthy during this process.


#6

Hi Treece29. When my son was smoking pot, he was terribly paranoid and delusional. When he stopped smoking, he was still very symptomatic, but it was manageable until all hell broke loose (months later when the illness really kicked in). My guess is that no anti-psychotic med will be successful in controlling symptoms when THC from pot is added to the mix.

Each time my son smoked pot and had a horrible experience, I pointed it out to him by saying, “It didn’t look fun to me”. “It made you think _____ and feel ____”. Eventually, my son caught on and stopped smoking.


#7

Thank you for that suggestion, I will try it. I think I am burnt out with this roller coaster ride this week.


#8

I know it’s hell, but the fact that your son is willing to take an anti-psychotic med is so fortunate. My son is now unmedicated and spiraling down into the abyss.


#9

Day-by-Day, I understand, I have been there too many times with my son. It was hard having my son hospitalized but I was at peace when he was. One time, he was hospitalized for a month and I practiced self-care like crazy before he was discharged home. Now my son is on mental health probation for two years, so I remind him of the consequences if he decides to stop taking his medications. The sad thing about his medication is the psychiatrist have not found the right cocktail for him and now his paranoia has caused him some legal problems. I believe once he stops taking a particular medication, he needs a different one to stabilize.


#10

Having him hospitalized keeps you safe and him safe.


#11

Sounds familiar. We’ve been through some lengthy hospitalizations as well, but without a legal requirement to continue meds outside of the hospital setting, there isn’t much we can do. Getting our children on meds and finding the right meds is a game of chance and luck…a horrible, heart-breaking, frustrating, and lonely game.


#12

Leave the relationship before it is too late for you…