Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My husband wants our son out of the house


#1

My son has bipolar and schizophrenia. He’s in his 30’s. My husband wants him out of our house. My son has been in and out of mental hospital for years. He has totalled two cars of mine. Tried to kill himself several times. The last one he did was he ran in front of a moving semi truck. He lost some of his memory from the accident. He was in the hospital for moths and then went to a rehab hospital for months. Basically he had to learn everything all over again. My husband did not go to the hospitals at all. I stayed at the hospital everyday by myself. He was in ICU for about a month. Major head injury. He came home and till this day, he has to be watch 24/7. I am doing this all alone. My husband calls me and my son names. He can’t stand our son. I am always in the middle of everything. My son walks around the house saying things, that the voices in his head is telling him. He does not help out with any chores around the house. He has a hard time figuring things out. I am trying to get our son in a state hospital. But they all say they have no beds. I am very depressed over this whole thing. It’s destroying our marriage. But I can’t kick my son out on the street.


#2

I am so sorry about your husband wanting your son out of the house. I have struggled with this myself, its very frustrating. Your husband’s emotions and stress must by sky high that he is calling you and your son names. Personally, in my life, I would use the expression “Crazy Train” (its a song) when things were out of control at my house. I felt as though a wild mental storm was blowing out of control in my house and my spouse would jump right on that “Crazy Train” making it even bigger and more out of control. I had to cut off a friendship because one of my friends would jump right in adding to the panic and kept calling me on the phone - I stopped answering in mid crisis and she actually notified people that she thought my son had kidnapped me. (?) I had to tell her straight out - “I can’t handle anyone else in my life climbing on the Crazy Train once its gets going”

But back to you. Your son is on ssi and Medicaid correct? If he requires 24 hour care, have you tried applying for nursing home residency? The carrier that covers that is the special insurance that came with your Medicaid. While that insurance doesn’t seem to cover much besides medical supplies, (someone correct me if I am wrong please) my understanding that is what covers nursing home care. When my inlaws were in the nursing home home there were 2 residents that were living there due to their schizophrenia.


#3

Omg is this your sons dad? He’s not being supportive at all , what are you doing with this man ?,your son is your first priority . Your a loving mother and want the best for your son like we all do ,Sori but you need to re-evaluate your marriage to this man , I think he needs to leave the house .


#4

I don’t think a nursing home will take him. He gets very violent at times. I don’t think the nursing home can control him. I would need a doctor to admit him and see him on a regular basis. He does not have a doctor he sees, just the doctors at the hospital when he’s admitted. Yes he does get disability every month, but I know it’s not enough to cover a nursing home. My husband gives me no money. I don’t work because of my son. I only get my disability every month. I truly want to help my son. But I am having a hard time to get him into a state hospital. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I am scared if I don’t find a home for him, my husband will kick him out or kill the kid. I don’t expect to live much longer and I need to do something now, so I can rest in peace. My other two children will not call or come over because of my son’s condition. It is a rollercoaster ride. Thanks for helping. Take care my love.


#5

Yes this is his dad. My husband is very mean to me and my son. My husband does not give me any money, I live on my disability check every month. Half the time there’s no food in the house. But he goes out and buys his own food, clothes, tools, anything he wants. Yes you are right, what the heck am I doing living with this guy. 38 years of marriage. He left last year for six months. He pays the bills. I don’t have money to get a divorce. I am stuck. I don’t know where to go. I don’t leave my son alone with him. I am scared someone is going to go off. They argue constantly. I go to sleep crying every night. Yes I do need help.


#6

In the state I live there are some nursing homes that provide behaviorial health services. My son lived at one for a while, on a locked unit. He had to be evaluated by the Department of Mental Health, and be determined to require Level 2 care.
Have you contacted the mental health services in your area? They SHOULD be able to help you understand your various options. If not that, then social workers at the hospital he has been at should provide some help.
Nursing homes such as those get additional funding sources, so your son’s income is not necessarily a determining factor.


#7

I’m so sori abt your situation ,would be good if your husband went away again .could you tell him to leave ?he sounds like a mean person . You hang in there for your son, we’re allways here for you to support you through these hard times :heart:️God bless you and your son and some miracle to happen !


#8

I have contacted the mental health department in my area. They can’t help me because of the type of insurance he has.


#9

They probably want him on medicaid. If your son is getting SSI, you should be able to get him on medicaid. It doesn’t have to be his primary insurance.


#10

I’m writing from the other side of the problem. I’m a stepmom and have a difficult time with my stepson 32 years old. He refuses meds, or help of any kind and trust me we have tried, offered all we could. It came down to my own sanity. That sounds cold, but I couldn’t take anymore. He is not allowed in our house anymore. There comes a time in everyone’s lives they have to think of themselves. This sounds selfish and it is. We marry and our husband should be number 1, actually it should be God, yourself, husband then kids and now to throw a monkey wrench you also have a mentally ill adult child. If your husband is abusive then you need to leave. Its not healthy for you or your son. My stepson reverts back in age and acts like a rebellious teenager when he’s in our house. I even fear him. I wish there were more resources and special homes it’s such a problem.

I love my husband dearly. Were both retired now and we dont have what it needs to take care if him. Fortunately his older brother is so he is not homeless. I just wish there was a way to get him committed and forced to take meds. Sorry to be gloom, hang in there this sight is the best thing I’ve found. It has helped me understand a lot more than before. Good luck.


#11

Stone…We felt exactly the same way…it was either obtain guardianship or our daughter was going to be out of the house. She was trashing the inside of our home (in this case a new home in a new state) and also striking out at us. She was starting to steal from us. We had to sleep with our bedroom door locked so she couldn’t access car keys, money, electronics…etc. This was all happening during the winter months. I went out and bought her a nice parka (knee length) and a good pair of winter boots in the event we had to “evict” her from our home.

We too are now retired and luckily for us obtained guardianship. As much as families and parents want to help, we all know that many state and federal laws work against people trying to help those stricken with mental illness.

I hold it against no one who prohibits their ill family member from coming into the home. It’s an unfortunate fact of life that sometimes in the end… family has to save themselves. Untreated mental illness IMHO is far worse than any other illness we’ve seen in our family. We’ve had everything from Alzheimer’s to Pancreatic Cancer and everything in between. My personal opinion is untreated mental illness is the worst.


#12

Have you all tried seeking help through a local NAMI support group (NAMI.org) and/or their no cost Family-to-Family class? And using the strategy in the book “I Am Not Sick; I Don’t Nred Help”?? These are the best things we have done to help our loved one get the help he needs.