My son is far away at college. He was supposed to be a rising senior. Since the lease on his new place started in June, he wanted to stay there over the summer and was supposedly getting a job.
However during the spring, he became very withdrawn, and by June he was not responding to my calls at all. I finally texted him that if he didn’t answer, I was coming to see him. He didn’t, so I did.
I showed up at his house, and he was shocked and angry. He immediately told me I had to get out, and that he couldn’t have me there. He said he felt worse when I was around. I was there for maybe 15 minutes and then he physically pushed me out the door and locked it. I should mention that I’m paying his rent and all of his living expenses. I told him that if he wouldn’t see me, I was stopping the credit card. He still refused, and so I did.
I called the Dean’s office of his school, and they called him in for counseling. While in counseling, he said “I reserve the right to kill intruders (xxx)” - where my name was the xxx. He expressly gave permission for them to share this with me. I think he was extremely pissed about my intervention and the credit card.
As a result of this threat, his university told him he had to meet certain conditions before he could come back, most of important of which was a psychiatric exam. I made an appointment for him, but he did not show up. As classes are starting soon, there’s really no hope that he will be able to go this fall, but I’m really doubting whether he will be well enough in the spring either. Meanwhile I’m paying his rent so that he can sit in his house and do nothing,.
I’ve been checking his phone logs, really just to get reassurance that he’s alive. He rarely contacts anyone, but does occasionally. On July 23, I checked and saw that he had called 911. That freaked me out a little, so I called the police department where he lives to see if they could tell me what it was about. They sent a unit to do a welfare check, and ended up taking him to the hospital. It turns out he was hearing voices and barely sleeping. He was also living on (in his words) “protein bars and rice” because I’d cut off the card (I had put money in his bank account, but it turns out he’s afraid to use his debit card).
The hospital told me that they would be OK letting him go in the morning, but that he voluntarily agreed to stay a few days and try some meds. He was released the morning of the 26th. That evening he did go to a follow-up appointment with the doctor he saw in the hospital. Since that time, though, he hasn’t apparently left his house, and he certainly didn’t fill the Rx they gave him. The hospital also said he had marijuana in his bloodstream - no big surprise, but he’d told me he stopped doing it back in the spring. Evidently he has relapsed.
Most of this time I have not been able to communicate with him at all. He talked to me from the hospital a few times, seeming flat and angry that I had called the police on him. Since then he’s been slightly more open to answering just a few of my emails.
He blames a lot on his lack of a credit card, says he doesn’t feel like a normal person with one. I went and applied for a new one, with a lower limit. I now have it in hand. I told him that having the card was contingent on getting treatment, but he has never responded or agreed to that.
I texted him to let him know I had it, and asked if he would see me. No response as of yet. I’ve made an appointment with a psychologist near him for Friday. No idea how to make him go.
I’ve been reading this forum for a few days now, and I don’t see anybody trying to help a loved one from so far away. It’s terrifying. He has been living alone all summer, but he will soon have roommates moving in, and he doesn’t even know them. I’m very afraid of what will happen. I think he needs to be at home, but he doesn’t want to be, and I’m not sure how to make it happen.
I’ve threatened not to pay September rent if he doesn’t get help, but I’m so scared of taking that step, and worried about what will happen to him.