So my husband is my very best friend, I do not even want to think about ending our relationship, but he seems to…quite often. He is bipolar as well and goes back and forth between “ I don’t want to lose you either” and “ I’m stuck with you because we have kids together, but you don’t make me happy and I want you to move out.” Honestly, I don’t think anyone really ever makes another person happy. I mean, you can do things that encourage feelings of happiness but i don’t think one person can make another person feel happy all the time, and this overwhelming feeling of walking on eggshells trying to make him feel like he is respected and happy is just …frustrating and exhausting as heck. No he is not on any medication, and honestly, I don’t want him to take any because it messes with him and makes him not himself So I don’t encourage him to take any. If you want to call me an enabler, fine, but he only has one life to live the medication was not making him happy or bettering his life, it just made him groggy and forgetful and gave him horrible muscle spasms and overactive leg pain, so no I refuse to push him onto any medications. He says he feels better without it and I trust him to be the judge of his own body and mind. Unfortunately, he is also paranoid and seems to need a scapegoat. And I think this is our biggest issue. Example being when I had a former friend who was roomating with us, he was constantly annoyed with her but much more patient with me. After she moved out, he started getting frustrated with his oldest son, my step son, who I had to intervene on the behalf of, and has now stopped talking to either of us for the most part. When he worked, he was constant,y angry with his employer, when he spent time with our land lord or neighbor, they annoyed him after a short time, but always during these periods when he had another target for his anger he was kinder to me, which I’ve started seeing as a pattern. I’ve even noticed, having not been there, but listening and taking not, that with his former girlfriend s he describes them as cheating and breaking up on him when he was between jobs, and I’m wondering if that was partially because like myself, they suddenly found themselves targets of his frustrations,but did not love him the way I door were not equipped. To handle his issues and thus broke if the relationship. Not that this in any way excuses how they did it in my book, because to me there there is no higher sign of disrespect than cheating and when you’re done with someone you need to just tell them, truthfully. I have never cheated or even looked at another man or woman in the decade we have been together and admittedly, this is my first true relationship and I have put everything into it, but because of his past he is constantly checking my iPad, my phone, my receipts, looking for signs of infidelity or lies and I just need some advice as to how to get through this and be a better wife and friend to him.
And before you start typing, please know he has gone through a horrible life from early childhood on and we both consider this part of him, not just an illness to be cured with a pill, so medication is not an answer I’m looking for. I’m trying to change myself, not him. And I will never give up on him or leave him, ever