Need Help and Advice Desparately


#21

Hi, this might be a shot in the dark, but when she talks about people breaking into her house, do you think that might be a reference to being sexually abused? Just a thought…

Hope you and her are well


#22

First off thanks everyone for the supportive words…I have thought about this and I do need to look out for myself first. Somehow it is making me see that I am getting used and making my decision somewhat easier.

In reference to hermana80…not really sure, here I suspect that since her house was broken into twice and she was forcibly committed twice that the break in was the police coming to get her. The only proof that I have is that she has a non agressive german shepard…very loveable dog and very protective of her…but the dogs fangs have been filed down…she would never have done it and claims it was done by those who broke in…I believe she would not have done it and that the authorities filed them down for next time. Again the dog is very loveable…please no jokes along the line of ‘your dog can stay but you gotta go’.

Sexual abuse…that is another story…she claims to have regular nightmares of incubus and succubus (demons who rape) coming to rape her. She sees multiple spirits/demons in my house, 3 at last count. They are ‘medium evil’ and she has chased the ‘really evil’ ones out. Asked her what she was waiting for…tell the rest of them to get out now. We have never discussed this topic…but when your mom drags you from place to place having survival sex, I am sure her children are not shown too much kindness…

She showed me a slight depression on her back the other night…that supposedly is a scar from when her house was broken into…they shot her with a microwave from a cell tower in order to control her…according to her she was putting up quite a fight as ‘she does her best work when fucked up’…her words. And yeah cell towers are set up to monitor all of us. Sometimes it was the FBI, sometimes the CIA, sometimes Navy Seals and other times a drug gang.

The other night I decided to test her a bit…I was going to the dentist in the morning and said ‘boy I hope they aren’t as rough as last time’…last time I came home with a cut in my mouth and I think they inserted a tracking chip. She was all over that…she had the same thing done to her about 4 years ago.

Anyhow…mainly just venting a bit and getting to the point of feeling better about what I need to do…thx again for all the comments…when I started I did not expect the support that you all have given me.


#23

Yes, the support here is great. Be strong. Hugs.


#24

Thanks…the support here is truly more than I could have hoped for. Honestly I thought that I myself was developing mental problems. Just typing what is going on with my situation and having someone respond has helped a lot…and it has also helped me realize how messed up things are. Also reading some of the other posts and knowing that I am not alone helps as well…this is my first time reaching out on the internet. To date I have only told my mother what is going on so as not to alienate everyone around me from her.

The hardest part of all this is that it seems so incredibly easy to say ‘hey you got it wrong, here is how it is’…just listen, I am not lying to you. But it doesn’t work because their brains are telling them different things…they really cannot help it. Just a naive observation from someone who has never had to deal with someone like this. May God bless and give strength to those who must do it.

There are some days that she seems ok and is productive…some she goes to work and on the way home spends what she was paid on nonsense items that were on sale…but many days are spent on the couch watching TV and sleeping. In six months she has helped clean 1 day…has cooked a handful of days, she is a very good cook …has helped me on the farm 2 or 3…but that is the extent of her productivity. She had made plans to do many things at many times but none of them got started.

As for my situation I am not sure how it is going to end…she is still angry with me and left this morning with her dog…kinda suspect she is checking out someone else’s place. Part of me is kinda hoping that may be the case as it would save me from a very painful and difficult decision. And part of me just wishes and prays she would just simply believe me when I say that the things she believes are not real and are not happening. It is truly sad that people need to go thru life like this and because of it are victimized and abused by most of the people they reach out to.


#25

Well said.

You will feel peace and productivity return.
Your home will become a sanctuary again.
Focus on making your goals a priority again.


#26

Oh, my. You said what it took me over a year to learn, it isn’t a naive observation at all that they cannot, CANNOT, believe what you say as their delusions are so much stronger than reality. It is such a shame to see the soul wither inside of the ill person’s delusions. Occasionally the real person peaks through, but in my case it is mostly 24/7 delusion/hallucinations. So sad to watch a loved one not even see the truth.


#27

So here is my latest event…I really need to understand what is going on…

Sunday night she rolls in at 2am and last night at midnight…completely out of character and no word that she would be late. Aside from being worried for her safety I am also concerned she is doing something illegal…she doesn’t have the best background and seems to be spending money she doesn’t have.

As simple explanation would have been fine however it immediately turned into that she is leaving and all that…she said more than that but that was the jist of it. I said fine and she said she would be out by the weekend. I said a few things along the lines of her contributions at home and so on and the endless sleeping when she could be helping out. Somehow it then came up that she rid the house of the remainder of the demons…I simply said that there were no demons to begin with. With that she said she is leaving immediately and again I said fine. I am seeing some of this as borderline traits.

So she heads out with a few possessions, her dog and her cat…130 am and freezing temps. Tried to tell her that all this was unnecessary…but she did it and I left her do it.

So is this all common…what should I expect next…pretty sure this sad and scary tale has not ended. Making yourself truly homeless when an I’m sorry I didn’t text or something to that effect would have more than sufficed…

Thoughts would be appreaciated.


#28

I mean is it really too much to ask for some courtesy and let me know when you are going to be late…when you spill something on the counter clean it up…when you make dishes dirty put them in the dishwasher…sweeper the room that your cat and dog live in before the carpet is completely obscured by hair…get the cat/dog stink out of the room too. And maybe kick in some effort here and there when you see it is needed. All that for free room and board…

Instead, throw a fit and make yourself homeless. This is driving me to the point of utter insanity…WHY, WHY, WHY

Just needed to vent and remind myself how absurd this all is…


#29

@cmrebuck
You are absolutely right.
It’s absurd.
It’s irrational, destructive behavior.
Congratulations on having the strength to endure. But more importantly, the strength to let it go.
You will recover. Focus on regaining your own sense of stability and security.
Hopefully soon, you won’t need us anymore because you’ll have moved onto bigger, better, more positive things.


#30

I am sorry for your disturbed night and the emotional scene with her leaving. She is an adult and you must face the fact that you cannot run her life. I suggest you take some time today to treat yourself well, and let your heart begin to heal. You have taken a lot of negative energy from her for some time. It is my opinion that you should always remember that you did the best you could with the situation. If she chose to leave, then maybe that is best for both of you. She may never chose to heal, she may never be anything but a burden, but your soul wanted to help her, now you must let her go. Hugs.


#31

Thanks for the supportive posts…I guess in the end it may be the best as I cannot put my life on hold indefinitely trying to help her. Aside from work…I did very little the last 6 months other than try to be supportive of her and do various things with here and to show her how ‘normal’ people live. Being divorced I need to get myself back together…awhile back I found a nice woman who I can hopefully do that with…she was supportive of me doing this and all…guessing that not too many women would fully support what I did.

I guess I feel guilty that I get to move on to hopefully bigger and better things and she decided to immerse herself back into the miserable world she came from.

She had an opportunity that very very few folks in her situation get at age 41…someone who says whatever resources you need to get your life on track are there…no strings attached…except to do it. Very rarely does someone see a non-family member’s life spiraling out of control and reach out to grab them and say come stand with me. Seems so simple for most of us to grab that opportunity and run with it.

Looking back she did not make more than a feeble attempt. She occasionally had ideas that she seemed to get excited about and then as quick as they came, they left. That is the saddest part to me…she doesn’t even see that she was presented the opportunity of a lifetime…to completely build a new life…one that is almost unheard of.

If you can, say a prayer for her…


#32

@cmrebuck
I think there are a lot of people who willingly squander what good they stumble upon. After a certain point, the excuses just don’t matter anymore.

When you meet someone that wants to accept what you offer, build off it, and create a really fantastic adventure with it…
You’ll know it.
When you live with someone that wants to share respect and genuine good intentions, you’ll feel it.
It feels like weight lifting off your shoulders.
It feels like hope for the future and excitement to see what tomorrow brings.

Things it seems like you spent 6 months living without.
You made an honest effort to help someone in need, and that counts for a lot. But mostly, at least effectively, what it counts for is that next time you offer someone all the tools and resources they need…
You will have the experience and knowledge to draw upon to diagnose very quickly whether they intend to waste your time and energy or not.
Probably one of the most useful interpersonal skills you can possess.

So,
If you feel like you want to transition straight into building something good with another person.
Or if you feel like you want to enjoy some solitude for a while.
Do it.


#33

This is very well said!!


#34

This is understandably so terribly hard. I thought @Jan has some especially good ideas and you could still contact your friend’s family. Or you could have offered to take her to a homeless shelter (although I’m guessing she would not have gone). People with SMI who land in homeless shelters or jail sometimes eventually will accept and get the help they need. But it’s usually not that simple.

In NAMI Family (& Friend) Support Group, we learn that we cannot solve all problems. We also never give up hope! I am glad you tried to help. This person may yet show up again in your life and you will need to be prepared to have boundaries in place to both protect yourself and to best help her. If not much else, you have learned about a terrible, terrible serious mental illness and have a better idea of this problem that is actually quite prevalent. You can still be an advocate in even small ways…for example with your vote in regard to things that affect persons with SMI and their families, and our society as a whole.


#35

First I want to thank everyone for their support and understanding. Would also like to bring a close to all this drama.

I did finally hear from her…she claims she is fine and has found a place. What it is I will never know…but I suspect it is likely ok for now…at this point I figure the cycle of her life will now repeat itself.

She had a clear path to a good life and willingly squandered it with some angry threats and a bottle of Vodka. That is the hardest part for me to deal with…it is so stupid. It is not that she is gone but it is that she wasted the opportunity for a better life and chose what she knew. I guess it was a no win situation to begin with.

It is kinda odd…I am not an overly religious person…but one evening I stopped at my church, sat in the car and prayed for an answer to all of this madness. I was considering asking her to leave so I asked God to show me the path I should take and I asked for it to happen quickly. Within a week she stormed off on her own. So maybe it was coincidence or maybe this was his answer…get her out of my life so I can move on…I hope it was and good things lie ahead.

Good luck to all of you and your struggles…may God give you the strength to deal with your situations.


#36

I have goose bumps running down my body right now. Thank you for sharing. Obviously, good things lie ahead for you. I am smiling for you.

I have my own faith, and I believe that just as God couldn’t/didn’t save those who couldn’t/didn’t choose the honest way, you couldn’t save your friend. Some people don’t change. It is a shame that she didn’t choose better for herself, but she has that right. I hope you are able to let her go.