I am writing this more or less to get it off my chest.
Yesterday was the day I was regretting…the day that she would come back and get her stuff. I was not looking forward to it. She arrived and was normal seemed happy to be there and very friendly. To me it seemed like there is no way there is anything wrong with her…like I had imagined it. There have been a number bad episodes over the last few months where I would question if I had imagined it…and nope it was real…just an incredible shift. Guessing a manic phase.
She says she is ok and safe…which I kinda wonder about as when she originally left she took her 18" solid steel billy club with…if you know you are going somewhere safe you don’t bring weapons. I have no idea beyond that but said if it gets unsafe she can come here.
It went to kinda tense where we talked about the situation and there was basically a lot of blame shifting to me and I let it go in the interests of not fighting. But her point was that I had a trust issues. And to a degree she is right…I need some time to develop trust of someone who has lived on the street, been a drug dealer, was an addict numerous times, been committed twice, rock band groupie chick, biker chick, sees all kinds of far out stuff and so on. So, whatever, I let it go.
As she was packing up she kept making references to her possibly coming back to live. She left behind almost everything she purchased. She left behind her dogs play things and said that they would be using them this summer. She left behind various shower items, towels and so on saying that she would need them here and so on. That we would be exchanging gifts for Christmas, seeing each other and so on.
At one point she mentioned a news story about global warming and that it is further proof that the world is ending…the ice caps are melting and as a result the earth is tilting and when they melt enough the earth will flip and the end is here…I just said that is not going to happen and if it does there is nothing we can do…she kept insisting and I could see getting into an episode but was quickly able to change the subject to something normal
Over all it went pretty well, way better than I expected. It is hard but now I am able to try and regain my life. Hoping god has a plan getting me back on track again.
I agree with @Jan, if you change the locks and re-claim your space, put her things in a box so they aren’t lying around reminding you of the emotional roller coaster, and give yourself some calm to mentally re-charge, I think it will help you. In that relationship, you gave so much, she took so much without giving much back, and now it is time to give to yourself. Be kind to yourself, MI cycles from good to bad and back again, yes, she can probably seem at times like nothing is wrong.
As you said, she says she is ok and safe, I personally think you must do your best to let her go
As I had another episode recently with my ‘roomie’ I needed to come back here and read thru this in order to refresh my memory of all that had happened. And just need to vent some by sharing my latest experience. This is all too unbelievable to me to be real.
Any how I am contacted by her a few weeks ago and I respond…she would like to do something one day so I say ok we can do that…just for fun. We meet and have a great day, no signs of the past. I find out she is living in an old run down camper not too far away.
Over the next two weeks she is texting me every single day…until one night at 3am I get a call…she is scared…she is being stalked by other campers…they are under her camper, running across the top of it and so on. She has me on the phone for 5 hours saying she is terrified, yet her voice is very calm. When it is finally daylight I tell her to go outside and look around…nothing there. She hasn’t slept for days and is convinced that people are out to get her. So I tell her to come to my place for a few days and clear her head.
She arrives and it is quite obvious she has not slept in days and she proceeds to sleep for about 18 hours. Over the next few days she makes it clear that she wants to move back and I didnt say much about it.
During that time she tells me she is a targeted individual. That the other campers have been convinced by the government to gang stalk her. She gives me numerous examples that are too far out there to be possible. Other examples are normal conversation that she has twisted into a threat. She also tells me she put her name into google and found out she is now on a terrorist watch list. She showed me all kinds of sites that ‘prove’ there is such a thing as a targeted individual. Honestly I never knew that there were so many sites dedicated to distributing so much nonsense.
Any how she is telling me that this time it was just like the last two times she was hospitalized. That the goal those who are targeting her is to wear her down till she commits suicide and all kinds of other things. But that she was not going to give in. So listening to that and all the previous stories I can only conclude that she was threatening suicide before and she was forced into a psych hospital.
Over the period of 6 days she did begin to calm down and gain some confidence back till one night she borrowed my laptop. She claims she saw something police related on the laptop and was now convinced that she had been found yet again. That I had been compromised into a stalker and she needed to leave instantly. So the next morning she was again gone. To where I have no idea…
So in the 6 days she was here I was actually getting run down again … and I am still sitting here wondering if this behavior is real. Does she really believe these things. I have to assume she does … no one could possibly make all this up.
I am also a little worried that now that she sees me as the enemy could I be in danger. Is there a possibility that she could come back and do something. Guess I never thought about it but I suppose when she was here she could have done something while I was sleeping. Do people like this get violent?
It seems in reading all of this that you developed a dependency in her. You seem to have wanted to believe most of her delusions. Maybe I’m wrong. It just seems that you try to justify her behavior with well maybe this is true, well maybe this is what happened etc. Perhaps other people have tried to get her help before and she sees them as abusive, demons and so forth. Hell, maybe when she was gone she saw you that way as well.
When I was reading the story about the dogs teeth and what you thought had happened that’s when it hit me that you really don’t understand this illness or what someone is capable of doing during an episode. Why would someone break in and take the long time to file down dogs teeth? That sounds like something someone with this illness would say. I think you really need to move on. For your own sanity. Cut off all ties. Yes, there is a possibility she could hurt you. Just because she didn’t do it when she was there means nothing. Now, she probably won’t actually do anything, but if she experiences voices that tells her to do things and is one of those who listens and obeys we have no way of knowing what the voices may or may not say. If she ever goes into a full blown psychosis state, you have no idea what you could be in here, but it’s not something you can take on on your own. But my suggestion is to cut all ties unless she agrees (actually does without changing her mind) get help! If she wants to move back and you want her there to, say not until you are diagnosed and med compliant. Getting them to be med compliant is a whole other issue, but one step at a time.
You are right I do not understand this illness but am trying to understand for whatever reason. I think more out of curiosity than anything else as I have never encountered someone like this. Make no mistake I do not believe a thing she tells me in regard to this…to her I pretend to otherwise she flips out. But she was a good friend and when she is ‘ok’, a helluva lot of fun to go and do things with. The kinda person that helps u act like a kid again…
Regarding the story about the dog’s teeth…at some point they did get filed down for some reason…that part I have seen and examined with my own eyes. However I think it was likely law enforcement that did it as the dog (german shepard) is very protective of her. I think what she sees as a break in was law enforcement coming to take her away and have her committed…she was committed two times.
But after this last episode where she tried to claim squatters rights to my couch I have cut off all contact. Especially after hearing the ‘targeted individual’ garbage. That stuff is enough to freak anyone out. And when I looked it up on the internet it was pretty much word for word what she was telling me…gang stalking, weapons on cell towers and so on. You know half the government is working overtime to harasses her.
As for her ever getting medicated…that would be a ‘no way in hell’ …she is convinced thru the target individual thing that doctors and medication and tools of the government. She is a ‘Star Seed’ sent to earth to help us mortals. Yeah the Star Seed crap comes into it as well. To the point where “Star Seed” is tattooed across her fingers (8 letters, 8 fingers). Yep she is here to warn us of the coming apocalypse. And those who do not listen are going to hell. She knows this since she claims to walk with Jesus and he is guiding her.
So after she left this last time I blocked her on the cell phone…no more contact…this last time was too far out there for me and scarier…still a bit worried about what she could possibly do. She also has some strong borderline tendencies…when you get split black it happens in an instant and she walks out no questions asked…
Just to clarify on the dog…I think that while she was committed the dog was taken somewhere and the work on the teeth was done at that time…just me putting the pieces of the puzzle together in a somewhat logical manner. Someone would have had to kept the dog till she was released.
Our pain and sorrow is very real. This is such a terrible illness. But there IS hope for a better future. Take care of yourself and learn and do what you can!
