No right choices at the moment

Continuing the discussion from My son was friendly, funny and always had house full of friends:

As the title implies we both seem to be in a no win situation for either one of us at the moment. I did go to see him Tuesday evening. He actually looks better then he did when he was here. He has to be in the shelter at a certain time every night to keep his bed and has to be up every morning. They supply meals at meal times and he is eating. They have his meds and he is taking his Clozapine and Lithium at night as far as I know. He has showered. They have lots of support staff and counselling available including mental health but as is normal for my son he doesn’t want it. He is refusing to sign a release for his case worker at PACT to talk to the shelter. He doesn’t want to be a part of PACT anymore even though it’s through their pdoc that he is getting his prescriptions. His Clozapine isn’t covered by his disability so it’s PACT that made arrangements for it to be covered by the company that makes it and they pick it up for him from the hospital.

The bad part of all this is the neighborhood that the shelter is in. It’s bad. I’m not sure exactly what happened but he got mugged Monday. None of the details make sense. First I hear that he called the police because he tried to buy $500 worth of drugs and they didn’t come back with it. He did tell me he was trying to buy marijuana and cocaine but not with all of the money as he wanted to buy luxury items with the rest. Can’t say I was impressed with the fact that we barely had money for rent and he is talking about buying luxury items. He says they lured him in but when I try to get the details of what happened he can’t tell me how they lured him. He did manage to get/keep his ID which doesn’t make sense either. The staff have had a hard time talking to him and getting him to understand things yet I’m supposed to believe that he thought to ask for his ID back while getting mugged and they gave it to him… He told me he got robbed of $700. I guess they got his new cell phone that he just bought so I have been trying to figure out how to get that cancelled as he didn’t even know which service provider it was with. He said Rogers when it was Koodo. I called Koodo and got the account confirmed and information on how to cancel it and asked the shelter to help him with this because I know he can’t do it on his own. He was telling me how he got hit but there is no bruising or red marks or anything where he says he got hit. The shelter has or has read the police report and nothing adds up. He can’t bring drugs into the shelter so he had a spot picked out, outside, to hide it…

I did take him cigarettes and gave them to a staff member and asked them if they could just give him one pack a day as he will smoke two packs a day and I’m not supporting his two pack a day habit. He thinks disability is going to reissue his payment and seems to think they will also pay him the full amount for next month even though he isn’t paying board and lodgings here anymore… I think we may have to look into putting some sort of trustee in place as he can’t manage his own finances like this.

The shelter asked me yesterday if I was willing to do family counselling/mediation so that he could move back home. No I’m not willing to have more holes put into my apartment like the one he did last week punching a closet door. So the shelter is nicely trying to get me to take him back while his treatment team is telling me not to because they know that things will quickly escalate back to last week if I let him come back.

When I hugged him good-bye it was like hugging a board. No emotion whatsoever. I told him I won’t give him any money. He called his Nana for the first time since I gave the go ahead about 3 weeks ago and now she is all upset for him.

I’m going to try and see if we can get him moved to another shelter if it’s possible. The one we wanted didn’t have beds last week but maybe fingers crossed we can get him out of the environment that he is in and into one with less excess to drugs. I guess it will depend on whether he signs the release for PACT…

Sorry didn’t mean to ramble :blush:

You have every right to vent. I’m sorry there are no clear answers or easy choices at the moment.

His poor brain is in a jumble. I bet he’s also surprised at being in a shelter too. I’m glad the shelter is offering food and showers… The few I’ve stayed had showers, but no food and really no counseling services.

There was a time a guy broke my arm. I was really freaking out about this guy who roughed me up and broke my arm… I even demanded x-rays so I could make him go to jail… please note, in lucid town, there was no broken arm. The only broken arm I’ve ever had was due to a childhood bike stunt.

There is so much going on with both of you. I can imagine how confusing this all is and how you might be feeling pulled in two different directions.

Fingers crossed, you find space in the group home and things level out of your whole family. At least he can’t blame you this time since you weren’t even there. It took me long time to stop blaming my Mom, but eventually I did. His hugs will come back.

At least in the shelter he is taking his meds and he has boundaries that he is following… it’s hard saying no to many people at a shelter then it is one Mom.

Your plight with your son is so bad I don’t know what to say. Do they make him take his meds or is it up to him? He sounds way uncontrollable? I think you did the right thing sending him to a shelter. What a mess.

Currently it is up to him. To my knowledge he is taking 150 mg Clozapine and his Lithium which seems to be keeping him from having a break. Thank you and everyone else for the support, it does mean a lot.

I just send you a big hug in support… (As I have no idea myself on how to handle a situation like this)

I know you have tried everything possible and done everything for him. Hope he will realize once the medications kick in. Hope you have support group in your area and as always this forum is an excellent place to vent . People in your shoes are the ones who understand you. Sending you warm hugs and positive thoughts.

I just want to wish you all the best @BarbieBF - you are such a good Mom - Sending good - positive thoughts

Talked to his case worker. The shelter can’t talk to PACT so for now I’m the go between. The shelter has connected with Ready4Life and my son is reluctantly agreeing to that disclosure. Some paranoia regarding being watched but they seem to be handling it and he seems to be comfortable with and likes the lady I was just talking to. She is probably cute :wink: He even has a case manager at the shelter. The lady from Ready4Life will be starting the paperwork for the group homes and everyone it seems, including myself, is calling another shelter that is part of the Canadian Mental Health Association called Safe Place, trying to get him a bed there as it’s in a much better neighborhood. Unfortunately there is no waiting list but daily checking for availability. It looks like with the shelter’s help he cancelled the cell phone. Overall he seems to be doing ok.

Barb, you are completely doing the right thing and I am happy to hear that other people in your community are trying to lift some of the burden off you. It can only be good to let in a bit of light and space.

Hi Barbie~
Hang in because you are doing the right thing!
Good idea with the payee thing. My son has one and it has worked wonderfully.
Being in a shelter was what helped in a big way with my son coming to terms with a lot of things. i dont think he liked it per se, but he was so emotionally charged and feeling good that he was running a lot of things for himself. I hope your son will have that same feeling. There was always someone in the wings helping and giving him info., resources. His shelter was also in a bad part of town. I was afraid for him, but he seemed to be ok. I know that it didnt matter where he was, he could find drugs even in the best of neighborhoods. Plus, thats all there was for him. its also good that you are the go between, otherwise, you probably wouldnt know what was happening and would be worried sick. Hold on to yourself and keep going-youre on the right track! you`re in my thoughts OO

Prayers out to you…

I think negative symptoms can be combatted by therapy and being stronger,independant and positive.

Positive symptoms can only be combatted by medication

So to in conclusion,it is possible to recover with medication and personal effort and therapy

Went to see him last night. He called me on another cell phone as Koodo replaced it, something to do with the Koodo tab… This time he kept the paperwork. He has Bronchitis and needed his drug card from disability. We took care of that then he wanted pizza. He was in the same cloths from Tue and smelling again so I agreed to pizza once he didn’t smell anymore. I brought him clean shorts, toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, Q-tips and some snacks. No resistance to cleaning himself up. I also got him acetaminophen if his throat hurts and cough syrup if needed at night. Handed that and his antibiotics over to the staff. He still had cigarettes left over from Tue and I gave him some more so he’s good until Sun. Got him another fanny pack as his was taken and I didn’t want him losing his ID. A lot of work replacing it. Talked to him a bit about the fact that everyone is trying to find him a bed in another area but it’s hard when PACT can’t talk to the shelter and I can’t talk to Ready4Life. He seemed less resistant to the idea of signing a release for PACT so hopefully I can nicely push him in that direction.

He looked good and was talking and acting more like himself. He actually hugged me good-bye and said he loved me :smiley:

I’m soooo glad he was talking and acting more like himself!!! Still Sending lots of prayers to your family

Oh thats starting to sound much better.I am praying that he gets on an upward trajectory.