Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Opinion or advice welcome on son and stepdad


#1

My son has a family reunion on his fathers side tomorrow. He doesn’t want my husband to take him but wants me there for comfort. My husband said either he takes us or his dad comes to get him. The whole thing is my son wants me there for support but not my husband bc of the problems between them. How can I get my husband to understand that? My husband doesn’t believe in my sons illness and always has bad things to say to me about him. And at the same time my son doesn’t like my husband and always has bad things to say about him. I’m always in the middle!


#2

I can see your son not wanting his stepfather at his biological father’s family reunion. I would have died if my stepfather took me. My children and their step-dad would also refuse… but then again their step-dad is in the hospital.

I wonder if you could explain that this is very normal? Is the issue that your husband doesn’t want you to go without him?


#3

I can see where my husband would try to do the same kind of thing your husband is now doing if our son was actually his step son.

Things have changed in the past year or so, but before that, my husband was very jealous & very controlling. I actually think he had delusional disorder. If you look at it, there’s one kind that says you think your spouse/girlfriend/whatever is cheating even though you have no logical reason to think so.

That was us for years. What’s changed? Absolutely nothing, but we’re older & I think my husband aged out of it.

I spent a good part of my life trying to prove I didn’t do something I had absolutely no desire to do, and that’s simply impossible. To be honest, I should have left him somewhere in the middle of the craziness, but as I’m the most stubborn person in the world, and I love him, I stayed. However, it was not an easy life - and if I thought anyone was in the same situation, I’d tell them to run. Run fast and run far.

I’m just putting that out there because your husband is starting to sound more & more like my husband sounded for years and years.


#4

Yes that is the issue! He doesn’t want me around my ex even though we divorced in 1993! My husband even accuses me of going on dates with my son if I take him to the movies! That’s just sick! Always says I put my son before him! Well my son is sick and needs me!! I’m frozen in my bed again hiding away. But I think it’s time for me to make a stand!! Even if I just go to a hotel for a night!!


#5

I think you are right! I’m fighting a losing battle and my son needs me the most! I’m 50 and my husband is 42. I think he will be just fine! But me and my 32 yr old son need peace and harmony for our own mental and health state!!


#6

I’m 50 too - my husband is a little younger than me, but not as young as your husband.

He stopped his craziness around 45. Again, no reason - it just stopped.

Maybe you should try to convince him to go to counseling with you so you can work through things. I didn’t have any luck with my husband, but I think it could have helped.

Here’s something you can hold on to as well - I’m through menopause now, my migraines are practically gone, and I’ve got nerves of steel since most of the emotional ups & downs are gone. My son still gets to me, but my husband doesn’t. It’s kind of nice - now if he has something to say I don’t like, I just tell him it’s his problem not mine and keep going.


#7

Thanks so much for the encouragement. It means a lot to me. I had a total hysterectomy back in March 2013. I have not been the same since. And that is why my migraines got worse because I don’t have any hormones left. I think it’s best that me and my husband part ways because my son is now threatening to hurt him if another circumstance arises where my husband threatens him. He said he can’t take it anymore! So I think we will all be better off if I move forward with a divorce.


#8

Ok, this is just to make you smile. You know my husband is in the hospital? Drugs and mental illness. Ok, so my husband is like yours. I think he got driven to his insanity by my jerk of an ex husband who lives ACROSS THE STREET with his gf. Imagine !!!:slight_smile:


#9

I use insanity to actually mean his addiction, btw. Bad choice of words!


#10

I knew what you meant. Lol! I guess the good thing in all this is me and my ex are still real good friends and I know I can depend on him for anything! I think that’s why my husband is so jealous! Even though my ex travels all the time and I rarely see him! But ever since the tragic death of his youngest daughter, my kids half sister, in a meth induced truck wreck that killed all three passengers, my ex sees things differently and wants his kids close to him and happy when he comes in town. And I can’t fault him for that!! Whatever I can do to make life a little easier on him after losing a child like that I will do for him!! And my son is the oldest and needs to see his father!!


#11

I know just the thought of my ex, and we do not get along well, sends my husband over the edge. He brought it up tonight. It has been an issue in our marriage and my husband’s delusions.

I know you must feel stuck in the middle. I did.

No advice at all, just empathy.