Outbursts tonight

Family
1

My son hasnt been diagnosed with schizophrenia, well we think it is , but on the discharge letters from hospital it says delusional disorder.

He is on a depot once a month of paliperidone (we are in the uk) he has a dose of 150mg.
He isnt really stable, yes mostly its calmed him but every now and then he will have an outburst. Usually due to what we think is stress. He has his injection due on wed.

We have lived through hell at times, he has been back home since discharge from hospital in august. He hasnt progressed at all, he has went back in terms of negatives and lack of motivation. He wont go certain places, fears he will be kidnapped and trafficked to another country , ( think that fear comes from having to have the police take him to hospital ) the first time in june 2015 after he wouldnt comply with him (heā€™s never been in any trouble)

He has a phone right now that is new but the battery has gone and it needs to be sent off to be fixed, he wont send it off as he says his information will be stolen, he said the people at the factory know his situation and they will steal his info.
That led to an outburst and out comes it all, about the dr that was in hospital , saying again he was a fake and didnt even work there, that he was flown into the uk and he doesnt even practice there.

He says his CPN is a fake too, and yet how come, how come he is compliant and pleasant to her? We couldnt live with this last year, but since he has been medicated the outbursts are less until this one tonight. He shouts, swears , canā€™t see reason (of course not)
He wont believe he is ill, he says he hasnt been diagnosed so how can he be ill.

He keeps saying at 11 or 12 his ā€œsoulā€ was taken away , Can anyone please know what this mean? I think its him comparing to changing and getting sick? but soul???

He graduated from university in 2014 with a good degree in business .
He says he canā€™t go out to work, his life is compromised etc etc,

Ive been doing well on anti depressants for 4 months , he is 25 next month and I canā€™t envisage him living here till I go into my old age. He wont take part in our family therapy sessions, he wont participate in talking therapy for himself or anything , he only complies with the CTO because he has to.

Thanks so much for listening, anyone with the ā€œsoulā€ thing familiar with it,
Thank you .

2

A quick outline of some of his behaviour over the last few years.

He has destroyed phones, laptops, put stickers over webcams,
He has said he was being followed and he seen doctors, cpn,s etc around our home.
He called people (medics) doctors, etc, "satanists"
He said he saw his father take drugs (never in a million years)
He said I took drugs in my sweets (candy)
Believed people deliberately coughed to annoy him as it annoyed him ( i used to cough with a pillow at my mouth) so not to annoy him.
He used to imitate us really loud if we coughed.
He has stopped this phobia about coughing and is fine with that now.

He thinks people think he is a paedophile and he will be framed, or will be taken to another country and used in the "sex trade"
He used to ask when will he get what he deserved? why is he put through this?
when he has kids he will teach them how to ā€œfightā€ and they will be brought up different from him and yet when in a good mood he will reflect with fondness for his happy childhood.
He was the happiest, social, outgoing, popular boy, caring and so laid back.
Now he has no friends, hardly goes out, no partner, no one except us to take it out on.

He opened several bank accounts and closed them.
He put a fake name on an account for utilities.
Just a few of the things . thanks for listening x

3

He sounds to me like he is relapsing and he isnā€™t on the right meds. Our son had that delusion early on and one of his voices (female) told him he sold his soul to the devil and he would scream that he had not. Those delusions have been replaced with more scary delusions of personal harm to themselves. He has a couple voices that are not respectful at all and treat him poorly. However he still refuses his medication and says he feels better without it. In my opinion your son will be feeling a lot better when he gets the right medication and some of these delusions might just go away.
As for the future collect your thoughts talk to your husband and family members and try to have a plan for a special needs trust for him. Beyond that take it a day at a time and donā€™t think too much about the future. just try to make today the best it can be in the circumstances and take care of each other.

4

Dear Jane57,

Thank you for writing and sharing with us. I hope I can respond to this post more when I have time.

I hope things go well for you and your family.

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Thanks both of you, I just feel a bit low, just about also all the things he is missing out on. Jobs, relationships, he has no friends no partner ever etc etc.

When Iā€™m strong I can override those parts but outburst last night makes me think I canā€™t deal with this.

He says itā€™s not even a real med he has been giving! He doesnā€™t believe itā€™s anything in the syringe .

Last week for instance he was scared, he wanted me to lay beside him, till he fell asleep. Then last night he is insulting me and hubby, blaming us. He at one point last night said, itā€™s ok for me, I have friends to go out for a coffee with, I have a car to go places, he is 25 Iā€™m 48 he is jealous of that little time I have outside away from him.
Thank you this is a great group x

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Hi @Jane57. Who knows what he means by his soul being taken. It is some delusion that has stuck in his head, it probably isnā€™t related to anything in reality. My son has been abducted by aliens, invented fantastic computer systems, is forced to work for the military, works for the aliensā€¦ who knows! I usually just try to empathize with the distress these things, or say,ā€˜wow, that is interestingā€™ about his ā€˜inventionsā€™.

My son chose a different name for himself, and wanted to change it, but the process was beyond him. But his mail still comes to his alias. He hates the military and when agitated, usually directs his anger at them, though he has had no experience with the military. He accuses me of sympathizing with them, and used to think every helicopter that flew overhead was there because of him. When not well, his doctor is a quack.

Phones, laptops, doors, chairs, windows - all things he has destroyed.

On the dose of medication that my son is willing to take - which is not his full prescribed dose - he tells the voices to shut-up and also tells them fā€” you.

Your son may need a dose adjustment, or may need a different medication, or - and I hate saying this, because I hate the idea about my son, but - this may be his ā€˜baselineā€™.

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7

I completely agree with Mom2 and Vallpen. He might need to see someone about a current course of treatment, diagnosis, or meds. I am still waiting to be acquainted with my sonā€™s baselineā€¦hoping it is better than what we are experiencing today.

My son was very much the same as yours and Vallpenā€™s (paranoid, problems with electronics, alternate realities, etc.), and although there are moments when he was not willing to seek treatment, take meds, and he actually appeared better (related to delusions/hallucinations)ā€¦he really started to deteriorate with day-to-day living skills. He could not make decisions, had very disorganized thinking, sometimes he would be completely absent in thought, and was without any motivation or initiative. His personal hygiene was very poor, he was an is still completely a mess in that department.

And I agree with Mom2 on taking it a day at a time. The hard part for me with this illness is that I cannot plan for or around it with my sonā€¦I am learning instead to better manage the chaos that often spills out of him and into our every day until we can get him level.

This is a wonderful forum with such experienced and insightful family membersā€¦you are not alone, Jane57.

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I am finding I am getting pretty OCD about my affairs - I have cleaned out my closet, I set things in precise order, I want things just so. I think I am just craving order in the chaos.

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Just the way we feel the loss of our family members even while they are here with us and often surface or appear, I believe they feel lost at times. I theorize that the delusions of loss of soul, alien abduction, thoughts being taken over or broadcasted possibly have to do with a huge change in their internal relationships to themselves.

I think the ā€œsatanistsā€ and ā€œaliensā€ and the doctors and family members who get blamed are seen as possibly being the agents who removed their souls or selves. I think our family members are trying very hard to figure out how to maintain internal contact with who they really are, their original and true selves which are obscured by symptoms of illness. The self becomes harder to feel/contact inside (Contact with self is something a ā€œnormieā€ has constantly and without disruption, is therefore not even conscious and they canā€™t imagine what this loss is like or that this loss is even possible.) because of different ways the brain begins to function, filtering sensory information differently for example, being on high alert for fight/flight instead of relaxed in daily life, the resultant disordered thinking.

I believe the ā€œlost soulā€ might be searching for himself. Delusions are based in real feelings, have meaning in a non-direct way. I know we cannot indulge or agree with delusions, but we can try to empathize with feelings. As far as understanding delusions goes, itā€™s like trying to interpret a dream. I really donā€™t know what another personā€™s dream or delusion means, but my interpretation is a way of relating, even though I cannot say my interpretation or act on it or impose it on the personā€™s belief. I really want to understand. I truly believe that our family members are having meaningful human experiences perceived, interpreted, and expressed in sometimes distressing or dysfunctional ways.

My family memberā€™s delusions and hallucinations during a psychotic episode led to tragedy. I do not take any of this lightly or suggest there is less difficulty than we are all experiencing together. Our family members are intelligent people whose brains have started to work in ways that donā€™t make sense to us, but our family members are trying to make sense of this difficult to live in world, frightening experiences, internal changes and losses we cannot gauge.

They communicate with us until those really bad episodes when they can no longer do so. They have important things to tell us about themselves and ourselves (I am a sugar addict and the candy/drug connection has been pointed out to me.). I cannot even count the times my family member has pointed out my hypocrisies and human flaws with gut wrenching precision. My family member has also believed things about me that are completely inaccurate. For example, I would never kill or harm them in any way, but part of me keeps trying to understand what is behind this paranoid delusion. I wonder if there might be a physiological high alert from the body, a state of immense fear that comes from the altered heart rate, brain function, and body chemistry during the organismā€™s fight/flight. I try to listen deeply even if they stop talking.

The medical aspects of the illness require medical treatment. There is no doubt in my mind that a percentage (not sure what percentage) of people with these illnesses will need life long care and treatment. Not all, but if your son is not functioning enough to take care of himself and is distressed, he needs support and so do you. There is a current idea in the medical community that earlier treatment will allow a person with sz or sza a greater chance of recovery and independence.

So my advice is, keep trying and do your best. Give yourself the needed breaks and respite. Since you cannot envision him living with you for the long term, maybe begin trying to investigate where he might live instead?

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I can sure relate to that!

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Wow, what an amazing reply, thank you (and all of you)
Itā€™s becoming clearer.

Today he has been calm, even came and showed an interest in stuff imwas doing.
Itā€™s not that I donā€™t want him living with me, I do actually but itā€™s torture when he shouts, swears etc . Ok thatā€™s much rarer of late but got a slight diluted taster of it last night. I would have him here till he decided to move out but he needs to know boundaries mandy know we donā€™t have to take the blame for ā€œhis lifeā€ thanks so much .

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12

The emotional outbursts is so difficult to deal with. I try to imagine the fears our children deal with day in and day out. It sounds like your sonā€™s medication need to be tweaked but if heā€™s anything like my daughter she refuses help and doesā€™t believe she has a mental illness.

Iā€™m so sorry of what you are going through and I can completely relate to everything you wrote. I now try to take it one day at a time or sometimes 1 hour at a time and do my best not to worry about tomorrow because I have no control over the situation. Wishing you and your son the very best and Iā€™m glad you are here. No one can imagine the suffering we see our children going through and the anguish parents feel unless they have a mentally ill child.

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Thanks so much Molly, and yes sounds like your daughter and my son are similar in not believing they are ill. At times I have even doubted it myself because Iā€™m so mixed up and thinking "could he be right " and all of us are wrong?

Hope to read about you and your life. Thinking of you too.x

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I am finding myself maybe being the same way. I live with my stepson who is paranoid sz, he is 31. It is putting severe strain on my marriage along with many other issues. I feel like what I want in the home is looked at as being against her son. I find my self having to defer to his wants. I am getting pretty resentful over many many things.

In order to have my little space in the house itā€™s like I protect it. I guess that makes me come across as an a$$. I truly am not mean about it.

I may talk about it more here on this forum. I wish I could find a counselor who has been through my situation or has dealt with this same issue. I am not a selfish person. I have tried to make his life as comfortable as I know how and still live my home with him and his mother.

He has delusions about me that make him wonder why his mom has betrayed him being with me. He says I called him child molester. He does the same thingā€¦he hollers out to the voices leave me the Fā€” alone.

I guess the point I was trying to make is that I try to find my peace in the chaos.

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