Putting family first?

My mom (who has been having an untreated and undiagnosed psychotic episode for the past four years) is now living with my partner and me.

This is putting a great deal of strain on my relationship, as my being a caretaker for my mom and being around her is putting a great deal of stress on my partner and I. I have less emotional spoons for the real talks and discussions that need to be had in my relationship, as so much of my emotional energy is taken up by whatever interactions my mom and I have that are often very pressing and difficult. My partner feels uncomfortable in their own home; they can’t listen to music or watch certain movies anymore that might trigger my mom, can’t speak freely without risking a negative reaction from my mom, etc. We all know this; it’s stressful.

Not to mention the glares and slammed doors we both experience when she’s in a more difficult emotional space (which occurs off and on every few days.)

What happens when we have to decide between caring for a member of our family of origin and our new chosen families? How can we hold healthy boundaries while also taking care of our loved ones?

Or, if that’s not possible in some circumstances, then what do we do?

Thank you in advance for any input! I consider you all a part of my team and this group has already been SO helpful to me, just reading other people’s threads and learning about all of your experiences.

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My son is happier in his own space. His dad and I are happier when he is in his own space. That’s what works for us.

Some families do well sharing housing, that great for them.


Oh my goodness I wish! Is he in an apartment?

Hi @RishI,

Would your mom consider assisted living somewhere else? I know it’s difficult, but please remember that your happiness and wellbeing matters, too.

My brother is schizoaffective and we do not live together because it’s too stressful for both of us. Our relationship is better now because I’ve put boundaries in place and acknowledged I can’t pour from an empty cup.


She’s finally opened up to getting an apartment on the east coast near where we live! Thank goodness! We’re laying it down as a boundary for long term; it’s just what I need. Reading up on relatives of individuals with sza who live with and are 24/7 caretakers of their loved ones having a higher incident of psychosis later in life was the final perspective I needed to know that taking care of my mental health through this process truly is important and needed.

It feels good to set healthy boundaries!


Sorry I missed this- yes, he was in his own apartment for 3 years before he became ill from something else.

He was so happy and so were we