@Vallpen I would highly appreciate if you can share some tips on how you are helping him or how you are communicating with him?
@hope4us love your username… I wish to be and stay hopeful…
1 Like
@dkgreg thank you so much for sharing, I’m learning from everyone’s story that I’m not alone and that I need to work harder on understanding this affliction on our loved ones… may I ask you how old is your daughter and some tips on how you communicate with her/help her?
I came to this forum searching for information and support so I can be better equipped to help my sister… to be honest I do believe it’s genetic in my sister’s case, she had that look in her eyes from as young as I can remember her and she’s been always misunderstood for no fault of her own… The high number of the non-functioning family members from my mothers side is scary and to think now as an adult of how they were all misunderstood and treated wrongly and ignorantly that they were just failures or drug addicts is just so sad for me to realize now, I can’t believe it took me that long to figure it out and that my “functioning” family members still do not educate themselves to be able to be kind to the others who cannot currently help themselves…
@Love_Hope, I feel sadness and a sense of hopelessness daily, and it’s been 5 years. They say we will get used to this kind of life one day, and that this way of life will be the new norm, but it still honestly hurts so bad. But I’m trying to find strength thru the pain, I can’t give up, and there’s no going back. Some days I take just a couple of hours @ a time.
Love to all
1 Like
My daughter is now 32. First I did a lot of reading, probably hundreds of hours on all the websites, especially this one, about schizophrenia and the behaviors that might be a part of it. My main part was learning patience over total frustration with the behavior. It took a while.
I had to learn how to be as calm and possible. I learned to be understanding even when I was struggling to understand.
I had to learn not to argue because her delusions and hallucinations were as real to her as reality is to me. She now comes to me when she hears things and she herself is able to reason that it doesn’t make sense and did not happen. That is a major victory.
This one was easy for me, I reassure her and she knows that I will always be there for her and I am on her side. I never think of my daughter as a schizophrenic, but as my amazing daughter who has schizophrenia. There is a difference, she is not an illness, she is a person.
Cognitive behavioral therapy helped a lot. Her therapist taught her how to analyze her thoughts and feelings before acting out. She recently said she thinks she would be in jail now for doing the same crazy things if she had not be taught how to do this.
2 Likes
@Love_Hope, so much trial and error and trying again.
Most importantly, I got guardianship, which made it possible for me to be actively involved in his treatment. I made it clear to him that I only have to make decisions for him when he is making poor decision due to his illness.
I have a very limited set of expectations - he must take his meds, and not hurt anyone. Other than that, I have dropped most expectations. Things get broken, I sigh. He is rude, I hold my tongue. If he acts in a way that will hurt himself or someone else, he goes to the hospital.
If he acts badly toward me, I may or may not call him on it. It depends on the situation.
I try my best to not hurry him.
I sometimes suggest new things, but don’t press him to do them.
I show appreciation for anything that deserves it.
I tell him I love him.
I take him out, and try to help him navigate normal social situations, but if some people find him weird, that’s their problem, not his or mine. Because everybody is weird.
If I must set limits - such as how much money I will spend - I try to set them in advance.
I apologize when it is appropriate.
4 Likes