My son has said this quite a lot recently, he is saying he will be killed, or he will die before me.
He even said he will die this year? I keep reassuring him of course, but has anyone else had their relative say it.
He says he will be tortured and die. Or blown up as a suicide bomber.
My son said things like this too. Pretty well for a year while he was in psychosis. A bit different but that he was being tortured through a satellite and that “they” wouldn’t be satisfied until he was in prison or they killed him. For us, the only thing that changed it was when he was put on the clozapine. He does not seem to believe that anymore.
Is he medicated? If he is, it sounds like he needs some adjustments to his meds.
Thanks , yes he’s just started a new depot nearly 4 weeks ago called zuclopenthixol , we can’t have clozapine unfortunately as he is so set against them taking his blood as he is afraid what they could do with it.
I still wonder could meds cause any delusional thoughts themselves? Anyone ?
I believe anti psychotic meds can, and have done some research into it. These drugs themselves cause issues in the brain, and in no normal situation would you ever allow someone you love to take something like this, we as the family members of people with sz, have no choice. These meds cause some major changes in their brains. Some good, and some bad which is why each of those reactions to the meds, has to be told to his primary care person, as I’m sure you are doing. Doing the research scared the crap out of me to be honest, so I eventually backed off. All I know is that the quality of life my son had before the meds was terrible, and now he seems more at peace.
I hope they can find exactly what your son needs to bring him that peace…and you!
Thanks so much and glad you no your son are in a better place right now. That’s the only console I hold onto i.e. Thinking of how it was before the meds:hospital etc and it was so Be we couldn’t have him living here . Now he’s safe and has a family home with us , but yes totally agree there are plus and not so good effects to our situation.
My son has been sure he was going to die before.
He didn’t really give any reason - just would ask if he was dying, would ask if he was already dead, say he was going to die in the hospital, etc. This is at his very sickest when he finally agrees to go to the ER.
I always tell him everyone dies, but he has a long time to go.
Then, I tell him he’s not allowed to die before I die, and that I plan to live to a ripe old age - to 100 at least.
It seems to help him.
But, I jokingly (kind of, kind of not) tell him stuff like that all the time.
He’s not allowed to kill himself, he’s not allowed to run off & not let me know where he is, etc.
I keep it light & joking, but I’m serious about it at the same time.
So far, it’s working.
Have you thought about helping your son do anything that would help him feel more in control and able to defend himself if someone did try to attack him? Maybe some self-defense classes, or a personal alarm, or something practical might give him a sense of safety?
Yea, my son would tell me that when he’s gone we should adopt. He has thought he was dead, is going to die, and that someone was going to kill him. He said it so matter of factor that it was not that frightening.
I try not to react to a lot that he says. You can pass it on to the doctor.
I’m diagnosed with schizophrenia, and have gone through a lot trying to rebuild my life.
Now I’m working, volunteering, and returning back to the University in the fall to study psychology and Spanish, double major. When I was first diagnosed I assumed there was a conspiracy to have me killed, and everyone was involved, except for my mother and father. They’re seperated, but both have provided support in various ways. I kept my thoughts mostly to myself, but there were times when I would explode with rants about how people were stalking me online, and people on the street were involved in a conspiracy to “hurt” me, have me killed etc. This is not uncommon.
I believe it’s just a process to get on the right meds, and to figure out what works, and does not. I’ve probably been on 30 cocktails of meds until I finally pulled through. I am not suggesting it will take more or less time to get things stabilized. You can probably expect hospitalizations, med changes, and other forms of therapy to regain his power back in life. It’s a journey, and not everyone gets better. Therapist and Doctors can be a tricky path to go down, and not all appear to be helpful.
The brain forms synapsis, where these thoughts can become obsessive and “hard” wired after you keep revisiting the same delusions over and over. It becomes impossible for the person to think about anything else, the meds I believe both help and hinder in recovering from this. When the meds don’t seem to help it’s easy to stop taking them. Again, a lot of people in recovery deal with this, stopping meds, until the psychosis returns, returning to the same delusions they are fixated on, back on a new med, and the circle begins again. Often people don’t think they are sick, and there is some logic to the argument, taking meds has horrible side effects, and sometimes they seem not to work, no changes in thought, just a numbing feeling that makes the thoughts seem less intense.
It’s a horrible illness, that can seem manufactured by the treatment, delusions, and “help” that you seek. I try to remind myself that people are trying to do the right thing to help. It doesn’t always produce positive results or seem to help. Many of the professionals tend to refer to books, past cases, and intuition to try to help. But we all deal with things differently, so I can’t be one to give much advice on how to move forward.
My support system, mom and dad, friends (the ones I have left), and various doctors and therapist have all done their part in helping me navigate a broken system, for a long time. It hasn’t been easy, but they’ve all been there, and I’m grateful for their help.
Here are some things to talk about, and keep in mind. Remind them that thoughts are not some incredible phenomenon, there are 7.5 billion people, and everyone has thoughts. Let them in and out, trying to silence them, and paradoxically, giving them power by thinking about them just induces the suffering. Let them come in and let them leave. There is a path to reduce, and ultimately, end the suffering. What we go through is not all that special, 1% of the population (possible more) are afflicted by the illness. Society has no tolerance for violence, inflicted on others or the self, mistakes are made, but sometimes we need to be reminded of this, as we’re all in this together, so focus on helping yourself and others.
What a brilliant post. I’m so glad you are keeping well and have the right meds. I’ve definately taken a few things you have said here and going to note them.
I’ve learned too that not to be scared of things my son says, it’s my son, he is lovely, it’s his thoughts, he shouldn’t be kept being told it’s not real , I get that now.
Thank you and good luck with university. My son graduated in 2014 too with a business studies degree.
Yes that’s a good idea. He’s very slow right now, not sure about this new med clopixol ( zuclopenthixol ). It’s early days so far though, he has only been having it almost a month now.
Excellent advice! Thank you for posting. You have given me hope today. I wish you the best with your studies and health. I think you have and will make a difference in people’s lives.
My son has what he calls episodes, when he hears voices and says he is afraid he will die in. his sleep. He is medicine compliant but still has these episodes 2 or 3 times a week. Generally I reassure him that he has thought this many times and it never happens and won’t now. This generally helps.
Hi Irene,
It’s terrifying to think you are going to die soon, especially if you are young. I’ve involved myself in risky behavior in the past and have had several scary moments where I thought I was “going to die.”
Physically we are here, we have the ability to walk from one point to another, communicate, and figure out what is safe and what’s not. Some of us seem hard wired to figure these things out on our own. Despite the messages that we receive daily. Really think about it, if you’re online, or even driving down the street, your environment is dictating your experience. Once psychosis hits, you’re likely set at the mercy of God, if you believe, or at the mercy of how your environment is dictating reality. It could be a gesture, a conversation, a color of clothing, a license plate, etc… the possibilities are infinite in regards to meaning.
The madman and the scholar live on the same mountain. Finding meaning in everything, and acutely aware of the dangers. “Freedom of conscience entails more dangers than authority and despotism.” I do know that reassurance will put you to sleep, to put you back into the world that is so troubling.
So, what are we to do? I don’t have any good answers. The mentally ill have been treated terribly for a long time. Now we have stigma, meds, therapist, and likely all the environmental phenomenon that leads us to our next best place.
I once had a psychologist pose this question. “If “they” were going to do something to you, don’t you think they would have already done it?”
I applaud you for reassuring him that things are okay. I agree that is the case. As a mother, sometimes all you can do is watch. When you are mentally ill sometimes even those closest to you can’t help. He may feel as responsible for you as you do for him. Only love remains when the going gets weird. And ironically the weird get tough.
In a vast universe such as ours, there could be infinite Rubens typing this message. But I’ve got time to think, and sometimes that’s exactly what we need.