Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Schizophrenic son does nothing all day. How can parents try to help him?


The messy adult thing is a real pia. I pay someone twice or three times a month to resurrect the house again.

I don’t quite get why my son can’t close cupboards or do basic loading of dishwasher on occasion without a discussion. He feels like I am trying to control him and this is a change from previous younger years It’s like his brain is just not as good as ten years ago. He is my oldest and is 40 y.o.
It seems like my stress level is higher and sometime I am unaware of that because I have adapted in an unhealthy way. My spirit is not as motivated. And on my time off I don’t do healthy things like exercise.
I know I should as I am 68 y.o. And wonder how this life of mine will be shortened because of it all

Intellectually I can see the dilemma and understand what. Would be healthier coping on my part but don’t do it.

Meanwhile we disagree on food choices because he wants higher calorie foods that normally I wouldn’t pay for.
But he has some weight issues and it all makes for increased stress.
As I write I think to myself you better carve out a healthier coping plan because this is not too smart.

We all fall down and then get up.
God bless all going though these trials and thank you for sharing.


Deep sigh on the cupboard closing, its not like its the only thing we have to deal with, its just such a constant.


Dear Hope !

Nice name. I think that over the years I have learned how to be aware of how to keep a House day to day while working FT.
I really don’t get if this is messy behavior is just illness or some part of just being irresponsible hoping someone will take care of it.

I don’t think I can guess accurately so try to use praise and thanks without being overly obvious.

It’s hard to know what their interior mind struggles are but I have to err on the side of it’s not easy to be schizoaffective.
Practice mercy.


Thanks Terry, I try to be kind and respectful, I wish everyone would be merciful with our family members.

Some of us start sharing on the forum for various reasons. When I started here I felt that hope was all I had left.


That’s a good point. I think it’s possible some of our loved ones just might be more introverted than others, with or without an illness. I know I can be a bit of a homebody sometimes.


Regarding cupboard closing, you might be able to find some small “door closers” at Walmart or Home Depot or Amazon. Kind of like a hinge or spring that will pull it closed.

Our back door tends to slam shut if it’s not closed carefully and it was quite jarring to hear the door slam in the middle of the night when my brother would go out for a smoke. We found a larger door closer that pulls the door closed slowly/softly. There must be some out there that are small enough for cabinets. Just an idea. :slightly_smiling_face:


Is the we you and your partner? If so - you are very lucky to have someone that is ok with your brother living with you.


My son is 31. He smokes a lot just like your son but even worse he will not stop the drug use which is cocaine. If I give him money he turns around and buys. He tells me he has stopped which is not true. I give him a gift card every three days because this way he has no cash. This is working but he is still an addict. He will not get help. He also tells me that the coughing is not because of the smoking. He will not visit a dentist or his family doctor. I have been dealing with him and his illness since he was 20. I am very stressed and have no life. This group is what keeps me going and that I have another son and grandson.

If your son gets violent you can do an involuntary committment. Find out about this in your area. Stay strong as I try to do. Hope things get better for you.


My son is 28 and he does nothing all day. He has no friends, except for his brothers and myself. The medication he takes ( Haldol ) makes him so tired. The doctor put him on adderall for motivation and being alert. HUGE mistake the medication made his phychosis and delusions worse.
I am not sure if your son is on medication and he gets sleepy.


My son is 30, on invega sustenna since he was diagnosed in 2013. The shot monthly. His case manager comes for him twice a month. Once for the injection and another to see a young woman whom he thought was a psychiatrist but she’s only a clinician of some sort. She just asks him basic questions about the medication and now and then I believe she mentions CBT. And asks if he’s drinking beer or smoking pot. That’s it. He does next to nothing all day except smoke and listen to music. He’s afraid to ride in a car and hasn’t driven for five years. When he has to leave the house and ride over for his appointments he’s very nervous those days and has vomited! Poor guy.


I think the messiness is something in the illness. I don’t know, but I hear this all the time. I’m very curious about this. My sons room is fairly disgusting and his clothes are stained and torn. But he does take showers now at least.


I’m 61 and used to be at least a healthy eater and I was more active. My son’s illness has pretty much knocked me down and I think my life will be shortened probably too. I just don’t have the heart to do much. I’m greatful though to have a good man. We live together and are still in love after ten years. My son lives with his dad nearby. I’ll never get over this tremendous and devastating loss!


You can’t offend us. We’re all in the same boat. We all need each other and yes, so sad, devastating and frustrating, stressful and of course, we’re all aging parents who raised our kids and then this comes along, and we’re all very heartbroken. My son coughs till he pukes too :frowning: I keep thinking about him when he was little. Four years old was the cutest age! I feel so sad. He was always well behaved and everybody adored him. Now they’re nowhere around and I can’t stand how alone he is. I’m his best friend. It’s not supposed to be this way.


Sorry for such a late reply. Yes! I’m very lucky to have a supportive partner - he even helps with clean up! I’m very grateful, although it does make me sad my husband is willing to do so much more than blood relatives. :confused:


@calicakes That is really amazing! I guess it shouldn’t be that way but so many partners of the caregivers just walk away. You are lucky to have him!


I would love to do that! Too bad I live in Louisiana. Good luck with your endeavor!!!


I can completely relate. My son is 26, lives at home and his only interest is video games. He will go to the store to get food and beer and washes dishes but that is it. He agreed to a dual diagnosis treatment facility for a month but started back drinking shortly after getting out. I know he drinks to cope with the illness and it breaks my heart on a daily basis watching him go through this. He was a hard worker at one time. I cannot get him to go to a therapist but he does take his medicine because he cant sleep without it. His psychiatrist is of no help whatsoever except to get a script. I found someone else for him to see and so far he said he would. She said she will run a battery of labs as well. Im hoping she is of more use than his psychiatrist. The mental health system is a complete failure. Im exhausted and I pray something or someone comes along that will help him. Everyone tells me to kick him out if he wont stop drinking. They dont understand the mental illness part of it and no doubt he would be living on the streets if I did that. We have talked about his moving but I know he is scared to and has no idea how to manage things. Im searching for residential facilities that could assist him but there are very few and cost a fortune. I seem to hit brick walls at every turn. Sorry to ramble on, my first post on the board and I do understand the isolation.


If we lived closer I would be completely interested!


Yes, I have had that “recommendation” from many people too: to kick out my daughter. Here in Florida there are sooooo many homeless that are mentally ill and incapable of following the rules to live in shelters, so they wander the streets camping in the woods. It is a terrible life. I just could never do that to a family member. It isn’t a discipline problem, it is a real, and terrible, illness.