My fiance and I went shopping today. He bought mostly junk food. Canned goods, chocolate, cookies and chocolate He wanted to watch a movie and I knew already what was going to happen. The movie is one he picked and it’s been on for at least a half hour and he hasn’t stopped talking for 10 seconds yet! None of it makes any sense. My nerves are shot. I have all of the responsibilities on me while he lives in fantasy land. He looks like a homeless bum. Winter cap on indoors, long messy hair and a gross unkempt beard. He doesnt and hasn’t brushed his teeth in months. In the store today I was pushing the cart and we were going to check out. I saw a lane that was empty and he said no that he wanted to do self check out. He is getting worse because he would go in a line with a cashier before but usually certain ones. Ugh!
There is a bright side to your story! He actually went into the store to shop! My son refuses to go into any grocery store. I think it overwhelms him plus he’s bothered by the florescent lighting. Anyone else have loved ones sensitive to them?
Not sure about the fluorescent lights specifically but when my MI partner was in what I call his ‘constant crisis years’, he had a very difficult time transitioning from one environment/situation into the next and would often sit (he drives) for a half an hour with the car running, parked, going no place, staring out the windshield blankly but somehow wide-eyed at the same time until he felt comfortable enough to engage the next step/destination. There were and still are many many instances where he will end up sitting in the parking lot for a half hour then leaving, never managing to get out and go IN to get the three items we needed at the grocery I’d have asked him to pick up, but instead, go drive to four more different places, get one thing at each place, but only after determining he is safe to go in.
So… what is this? Is it paranoia? Disorganized thinking? Crazy town? (I know, I should watch my phrasing…)
I have tried to discuss this and I told him a scenario as if I was the person experiencing it: “I can’t bring myself to get out of the car. What if I run into somebody I know? What if I have to talk to them? What if I’m different than they remember me? What if I don’t remember them… etc (the ‘what if’s’ of irrational thinking and the foundation of a lot of anxiety disorders) So I went through a few scenarios and I told them in the first person and took note to see what he would nod his head in agreement to showing that he identified on some level with the internal feelings or thoughts I was describing. This gave me better insight into what he was experiencing without HIM having to explain or communicate his own thoughts (which he often times can struggle with, especially if it has to do with self-identifying his internal stuff). So… I was ultimately able to determine that it was more of an anxiety issue for him than it was a simple disorganization of thought issue… helpful or not I can’t say because I still can’t get him to see the therapist and he’s unmedicated so perhaps it’s all mute but… hey. That’s what I got. Hope it helps
Afterthought: Also, grocery stores seem like odd places for him. Sometimes he can’t muster it, others he’ll spend hours in there, seemingly enjoying himself and the experience, taking his time and carefully staring undecided at a shelf for awhile, then doing something like buying 11 cans (big 32oz-ers) of pumpkin, yes, canned pumpkin, like the squash, raw, nothing good like pumpkin pie filling or anything, then when I ask him why I have to put 11 giant cans of canned pumpkin squash into my pantry, why there’s so many, he answers “Well, it was a deal! 10 for $X! But then there was one left on the shelf and it looked lonely. I felt so bad! I didn’t want it to get lonely! So I got that one too!” He was so excited and pleased, I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t need to buy all 10 to get the deal price.
WTF am I supposed to do with 11 giant ass cans of pumpkin squash?? Anybody?
When I started having issues with high blood pressure, I found bright fluorescent lights in shops would trigger migraines. Don’t get them any more. My brother with bipolar disorder often complains about lighting. I’m not a huge fan of shopping in large ‘big box’ stores like Walmart when they are crowded, so I tended to go in the middle of the night pre-COVID when 24/7 was more the norm. I tend toward insomnia so it gave me somewhere to go/something to do rather than lying awake.
Bright fluorescent lighting was a memorable feature from my short stint with hospitalization, so maybe in my case it’s flashbacks 
. LED lighting is getting more common which doesn’t flicker as much, but the color temperatures and more monochromatic nature of light bother some people.