Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Out of character, should I take notes? Long recount!


#1

Hey guys,

Hope your holidays were wonderful.

My last post was of my partner looking and questioning on my activities on the computer be it fan fiction or facebook. Which I find annoying but I have not said anything to him as I don’t want to rock whatever is going on in his mind.

Today’s post is about my partner and shopping. I have noticed this behaviour three weeks ago and today it got to me. Three weeks ago I went to buy a diary for 2015, I had two already, a small handbag one, one for every day which I use for upcoming events. I got another one and he questioned me as to why I got another one.

He was pestering me on why I got it like a child. I told him this diary was for taking notes on bills and dates for when I get paid. It will be my financial diary.

He left it at that after feeling satisfied by my explanation.

Today we went shopping with my mother. For the SALES. I spotted Christmas decorations for cheap. I picked up a box of baubles and he asked why I needed them and then told me before I could explain that I didn’t need it. I told him it was for next Christmas and it will be our first Christmas in our new home. He looked in my basket and saw I had two of the same cd and he asked why I needed two and I said since it is cheap I can have one in my car and one in the house.

He looked at me like I was crazy, threw his hands in the air and told me he didn’t understand my choices in shopping and left.

I felt mortified that everyone was looking at us. By the way he was behaving. My mother said “How can you put up with that? I wouldn’t cope if your father was acting like that.”

He has been taking his tablets but this just seems out of the ordinary. Before he never bothered on what I bought. Now he wants to know what I am doing online and want to know why I am buying items. It is getting frustrating, we have moved in together and paying off a house. I don’t splurge on myself often and since it is Sales I gave myself leeway.

Should I be taking notes of this behaviour and pass it on during the next meeting with the psychiatrist? Anyone else been in this boat?


#2

I would have reacted similar.

My thought process would be : why on earth do we need to buy something now for next christmas? It’s a whole year away. That’s just insane in my opinion

And 2. Buying 2 of the same cds is also crazy. You could copy that CD for like 5 cents at home.

he might just be reacting harshly thinking this is impulse purchase and not wise.

My thoughts he’s probly fine and just a bit reactive/ concerned


#3

I admit… I get a bit obsessive and I’m sorry to say… I get like this too.

If my sis or Mom or anyone I was with bought two of the same C.D.s and stuff for a holiday that was already over… I’d wonder.

When I’m out in a new place or I’m tired and my sis takes me shopping… I sort of hyper focus because it’s a lot of stuff happening that gets to me… more noise, more people, more push… It starts to set my teeth on edge. That is when I hyper focus and start getting antsy and edgy.

Your friend sounds fine. He’s probably honestly just wondering.


#4

I would say to bring it up at the next meeting. I don’t know if it’s paranoia or something else. You have the right to buy as many CD’s, diaries, decorations as you want. He doesn’t have to understand your choices any more then you understand his at times. If he trusted you it wouldn’t matter what you bought or what you were doing online. I’m guessing he is not trusting you right now because something (paranoia?) is motivating him.

The next time he asks you why? I would answer because I wanted to. Do I need another reason? Is there a reason why you are questioning me? Do you trust me?


#5

It’s funny though if we turned the tables around and it was one of us buying stuff impulsively in this manner, people would immediately tell me I’m exhibiting signs of mania and need to go to the pdoc for an adjustment.


#6

I completely understand. My step-mother collects Christmas tree ornaments year round. She has about $20,000 worth of tree ornaments so I guess her case is extreme. But I can understand picking up things for the future especially with after-Christmas sales. And buying two of the same CD’s for the reason you gave does not seem like a big deal. I won’t put him down because after all, he is your partner. But actually are these just isolated incidents or a pattern of consistent behaviur in this area? Maybe a good way to look at this is that his worries about your spending is actually a good thing. You are probably not rich and he is trying to be thrifty and is worried about how much money is going out. It’s better than the opposite happening.


#7

It’s been said to me that I’m easier to shop with when I’m more relaxed and not wound up.

I do know when I get tired, or sort of “at the end of my rope” with crowds… it’s hard shopping with me

That is most likely when I get a bit dramatic and emphatic with what my sis buys.


#8

I have to admit that doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with sz to me. I would also query why you need 3 diaries (doesn’t everyone use their cellphone for alerts,etc these days?) and certainly why you buy 2 identical CDs when you can copy them for cents. And why you are buying stuff for next Christmas now, when it will be dirt cheap if you wait till after Christmas. I don’t think you can blame every thing on his sz. Maybe he’s just more frugal and savvy than you about some things. Is he not supposed to ever be right because he’s got sz? I also think your mother should keep her opinions to herself. I think you can “take notes” and tell his psychiatrist, but you might not get the response you expect. It’s absolutely normal in fact for couples to question each other’s spending habits when they start planning to marry or move in with each other. You don’t have to pathologize everything.


#9

I say pass. He acted normal to me. Simply answering his questions with a little elaboration would have saved you your day and maybe extra money. Maybe he would have offered to make a copy of the cd or just concent with the diary thing. As long as it is expected to be said by a normal person do expect it from him. If it was the other way around you would question his behaviour and accuse him of being financially irresponsible and mania related. Don’t worry your partner is fine. It is great he goes for shopping with you. If you are still worried bring it up with the pdoc but in a humorous way I am sure the pdoc will overlook that. Have a nice day.


#10

My husband did this to me too, followed me around the store, then when I get ready to checkout, he questions everything and it’s all too much.
All i hear is “you don’t need this” until I get angry and put everything back and walk out with nothing.
Lately He won’t even let me look, just buzz through the store, grab needed item and out the door.
Haven’t been to a store in over month.
I’m sz, he is not.


#11

Oops, sorry, it IS after Christmas, isn’t it? (We don’t celebrate it where I live so missed that important point!)