Should I get my father hospitalized forcefully?

Family
1

Well, My father has been diagnosed with schizophrenia, he has it since I was born, he just got worse year after year and now he is very intolerable and troublemaker.
he always denied the fact that he is ill, he has been unemployed for almost 15 years, having delusion that he is Jesus or some kind of leader also always having the idea that my mom has an affair and somebody constantly stealing his “imaginary documents” every single day.
he has never been there for me, we didn’t have a typical “father-son moment”, he was more like a big selfish housemate than an adult father to me.
all doctors say that he has to be hospitalized for at least a month, but he ignores any kinds of medication and believes he is mentally healthy.
I love him and I don’t wanna break his heart but he is totally ruining our family, he made us all depressed by putting us under his financial and mental problems.
his misbehavior made us all ill and hopeless.

all I’m asking is :
Is it moral to force a 63 year old man to get hospitalized for treatment against his will ? is it late for him to get treatment? is it right to simply let it go and stand him just the way he is ?

2

If he is a danger to himself or others you can get a mental hygiene warrent to make him go. Otherwise you can’t force him to go.

3

Even if he doesn’t get treatment, if he is really messing up on financial stuff, you might be able to get your mother put in charge of their finances.

He would have to be declared incapacitated by the courts, which is also disprespectful, but any amount of financial stability the family has would help him in the long run.

The laws to force treatment are different everywhere. I agree with you that it is not respectful to force treatment, but if there are safety issues, those take precedent, in my opinion.

4

Where do you live? In the US, no hospital will take him unless he is actively violent or suicidal. You might be able to get on a waiting list for a group home, but that is for more long term treatment, and there aren’t very many resources out there for someone over 21. The government has decided their money is better spent on helping young people who have a better chance of recovery.

5

Thank you for your respond. :smile:

Well he is not “physically” dangerous, we haven’t had any physical conflict yet fortunately. but his delusions make life harder for us to live, I have to always watch him and look after him, he has totally no income and I’m in charge since I was capable of getting a job.

his misbehaves, his misunderstandings, his delusions constantly make trouble for us, I always have to hide him from my friends and family. you know he is the biggest secret of my life.

is it healthy for my family to live with a person who thinks we are all spy, traitors and thieves ?

6

Thank you cj for responding.

Well we live in Iran and he is fortunately has no suicidal thoughts but he is extremely aggressive, we almost have verbal Confliction every day, it has really made us all frustrated and helpless.

it seems I firstly must talk to a lawyer before taking any action for his treatment.

Thanks

7

I have no idea how the system works in Iran so the only advice I can give you is to keep trying to get him into some form of treatment like medication. I know it’s rough but don’t give up. Your father can stabilize if he gets treatment.

I hope things turn out well for you and your father.

8

Good luck. I also know nothing about the system in Iran but a lawyer is a good place to start. I hope they can help you.

9

What does your Mom say? Does she want to put up with him? Is there income for disabled people?

I know sz people can seem selfish? Maybe I am? I can be impossible to live with at times. Medication makes it possible for me to work. My husband can be a selfish jerk, he has been under employed for 15 years.

I can either leave him at the curb or I can try to stick with him. We raised a son and he is trying to get on his feet. It was best that he left the both of our dysfunctional family. We tried and we we’re not perfect.

He is free to start his own family and fix any perceived wrongs.

10

thanks katzwomansz for responding.

Well my mother gave up trying to fix him years ago, the most rational option for her was getting divorce but she stayed only because of me to raise me in an appropriate manner.

she almost sacrificed 25 years of her life tolerating a man who thinks she is a traitor or spy. standing all those humiliation and aggressive conflicts every single day for only taking care of me.

my father doesn’t even have a clue how the money is earned and spent in the family he has several medical conditions such as prostate issues and lung disease, he refuse all kinds of medications, he doesn’t let me help him, he takes shower once a week! smokes weed 24/7, bringing up inept arguments all the time makes our home a violent place to live, he is totally lost.

and I’m already losing my life, I had to work seriously when I turned 19, I was a keen student studying double majors in the most prestigious university in the country, most of my friends finished their undergrads before the year five and got admitted to ivy leagues, but I got my degree after six years! and the main reason is I was busy making money to survive.

she says it’s too late for my dad to get a treatment he is too old to be treated and it’s more likely dangerous for him due to his medical conditions to overcome the side effects.( however I’ve checked it with Doctors and its not totally dangerous as she thinks) but she is not comfortable when I bring up the hospitalization option.

as you said she always keeps telling me to move on and start my own life, but I can’t leave them alone like that, I owe a lifetime to her.

I love my mom and dad, and I just wanna help them, they are ruining my life and pulling me back, I want to make things right, but I don’t know if hospitalizing my father is a wise move.

I’m really sorry, I’ve written too much.

11

If you don’t mind me asking… If he has no income then how is he buying weed? If the weed was taken out of the picture then some of his symptoms of paranoia and delusional thinking may lessen on their own.

12

@seeker your Mom must be very proud of you.

Of course we don’t know the whole situation or what options are available to your Mom.
But as I think she’s trying to say, you shouldn’t be a martyr. She has made the choice to try to keep the family together. That’s important when children are involved.

I think actually if you did move out and on with your life, it would be good for you to get away from the toxic situation. I bet the both of them would maybe be happy if you would visit now and then. Maybe bring by a friend for dinner.

Then you can still have contact with your family and not be dragged down by your Dad. You can still talk, but you don’t have to live with them.

Peace on Earth and Happy New Year.

13

Dear Seeker,

In the long run, if you go, you might have more resources, both inner and outer, with which to help your family.

It sounds like you have done everything you could.

14

I’m iranian but I don’t live in iran since AGES but I think it’s WAAAY easier to get him admitted (involuntary) to a hospital than in the US or in europe. At least I think so. I’m not that familiar with the iranian side anymore but you have to be a seriously ill and extremly dangerous to be admitted to hospital against your will in Germany and even then you call a lawyer and you are out. but from what i hear from iran, it’s easier to get (someone) in the clinics and harder to get out. I know several cases I’m not pulling this out of my bum. Generally, I hear docs advocating tricking ill patients or luring them into clinics with lies and such. apparently such thing is legal. just a thought though. don’t count on it’s credibility.
Maybe you should try some doctors and find a good one. Also ask about the legal part. Doctors know a lot of legal and law stuf. they learn this stuff at university. lots of it.
And medication is not that bad. New medication don’t have that much side effect as you might think. your father can handle it. He will have a better life himself with them.