Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Son cost husband potential job


#1

I’m so at a loss for direction right now. Yesterday I was having a migraine and therefore my husband had to take my 31yr old son to psychologist and dr. When they got out they went to Walgreens to get his meds refilled. While waiting on meds to get filled my d son decides he is going to steal a tv antenna and he gets caught by store Mngr.
Now, my husband has been out of a job since June 1 and had just applied for store Mngr for this same store at a job fair earlier that morning so if course the Mngr recognized him. So it goes without saying that job went out the window!
My son is trying to blame his sz. Saying he couldn’t help it and that it’s not his fault and we shouldn’t be mad! I call bs on this one!! He knew exactly what he was doing! He’s done it before! Just never got caught!
Now today my migraine is worse and so is my sons attitude!
Last mth I went to phycologist with him bc he was over taking his xanax and percocet and not taking his anti physchotic meds. At that point he had a choice to either let me take over his meds or go to rehab. He agreed to let me dish out his meds. Well that was a lie. He got them yesterday and its refusing to give them to me. I’ve got a call in to his dr to see what I should do. He has already broke all the dishes in his house, accusing me of not doing my part to take care of him and has some guy at his house that is carrying a gun!! Which I signed a paper saying my son would not be around any guns!
I’m so tired :disappointed:! Tired of him blaming me too!! And tired of him blaming his sz for everything he does wrong! Yet he is not willing to do what needs to be done to get better!
I need a break!!


#2

Well, I’m disappointed in Walgreens if they hold it against your husband for what your mentally ill son does. They deal with a lot of mentally ill people and should know that people do all kinds of things.

Are your migraines stress related? Mine were always either hormones, stress or major temperature increases. I had really good luck with migraine medication. Has anything worked for yours? I think if you can get that under control, you’ll find you have a little more strength to deal with him. I remember before I learned to take my migraine meds at the first sign, I’d be sick all day, then feel almost hung over the next day. That alone was exhausting.

It’s hard to take breaks, but we all need them. Maybe this will lead up to him going to rehab?

As I mentioned in another post, my son was addicted to opiates, then got on suboxone & still abused those, then added Klonopin (like Xanax) to the mix. Now that he’s off the suboxone (on his own, cold turkey, even if it did maybe help land him in the hospital), he has no interest in the Klonopin. Opiates & benzos go together for many addicts. They get a tolerance for the opiates, so they use the benzos to give them a kick. Next, they’ll use increasing amounts of alcohol to kick it up again. Eventually, that’s how people OD by accident.

The lying to you about letting you handle his meds - that’s straight-up addict talk. I’ve known a lot of addicts in my life, so I know it when I hear it, even when it comes out my own son’s mouth, and I never had any problem telling him what he said was addict talk when he’d lie to me like that.

If he goes to rehab, I really hope you’re lucky enough to get him into a good dual diagnosis place. Maybe that’s exactly what he needs? Either way, you’re doing the best you can do, more than many parents, and that’s all anyone can expect. Maybe you should do a little blaming? Blame all that stuff he says on the addiction (another mental illness), and let it wash off like water off a duck’s back.


#3

I’ve had migraines since 2nd grade. They got worse when I had a total hysterectomy in 2013. So bad I lost my job. Trying to get on disability since 2/15. My neuro has tried everything. I’m taking 300 mg topamax daily and imitrex and relpak at onset. Have to go get shot if that doesn’t work. Everything triggers mine but mostly I believe my lack of hormones is the culprit. Since my hysterectomy they have not been able to get mine back up. Mine measure next to zero and beside the fact they have given me pills gel pellets and injections nothing is taking hold. Also certain foods and smells. And yes stress!!
I’ve dealt with my sons disability since he was diagnosed at age 19 and know full well the addict talk too!! Before he was diagnosed he was self medicating on any drug he could find. I sure wish the dr would hurry up and call me back! My husband is doing everything he can to keep me calm and rested and not having to deal with the rantings of my son right now. But since he is not his real dad I hate the conflict it puts between them.
I wish his real dad would take him for like a month or so just so I could get back on my feet. And also so he can see what I have to deal with on a daily basis. (His dad thinks he is faking)
Or better yet, like you said, get into a dual rehab where they can help him detox from opiods and pot as well as manage his sz meds.
When he was taking the shot once a month he was doing so good!!! But wanted off bc he was gaining weight!


#4

My husband has abused opiates, and benzos, in the past. Suboxone saved him in some ways. Getting off suboxone can be hard, so I credit your son with that.

It does sound like addict talking and actions. Frankly, the substance abuse is harder than the SZ for me. Somehow they relate for my husband… I struggle with not enabling the abuser but supporting the mentally ill person. I’m to the point of “I don’t care what is causing it, you may not harm property or hurt others (verbally).” I’m not making my husband’s issues an excuse for bad behavior any more.

It is so hard, I understand your frustration and sadness and anger.

I didn’t :heart: your post bcz it’s good (obviously) but man, I get it.


#5

For some, not all, the substance abuse isn’t really about getting high - it’s being desperate to make the symptoms stop.

So even though I recognize addictive behavior for what it is, I also see it as him trying to feel normal - maybe just feel like everyone else does all the time.

And, maybe, that hour or two of a break he got, at some point, was the only thing that kept him from ending his life.

Even his current therapist (she’s a substance abuse therapist at our county mental health, but knowledgeable about all mental illnesses) agrees that substance abuse is not his main problem and he’s just coping however he can.

Of course, everyone is different, so I can’t speak for what your husband is doing, but being able to think about it like that gives me some peace of mind and allows me to separate it all out as an illness so that I can stop blaming and being angry about it all. And, after all, my blame and anger doesn’t help anything.


#6

Oh, I agree. My husband self medicates in part to reduce symptoms. It’s kind of a chicken and egg thing for us.


#7

I feel the same way about it being easier to deal with the sz than the addiction!! So thank you for the support. I, too, am tired of blaming the bad behavior on the disease instead of the addiction!! But when he is already calling people to come to his house BEFORE he even goes to the dr, telling them he will have something for them tells me that’s an addict!!! He sells, exchanges, over takes and just plain gives away his xanax and percocet during the first two weeks after he goes to dr. I stay so scared during that time that he is going to over dose bc he blacks out, can’t walk, won’t sleep. He is in addict mode. Then when he runs out of drugs, the last two weeks of the month are peaceful. Well as peaceful as sz can be!
I finally got I’m touch with his dr yesterday and he is going to call him on for a surprise visit next Tuesday and wants him to bring in all his meds! Which he won’t have!! I’m curious to see how he will try to worm his way out of this one.
As of right now he is blaming everything on me! Saying I caused him to be sz and bpd, has punched holes all in his house that I bought him and broke almost all his dishes. All this bc he got caught stealing at Walgreens!!
He may have sz and bpd but saying he does all these bad things bc of it tells me that he is just using it as an excuse! And I refuse to enable him any longer! I refuse to go down that rabbit hole with him.
Thoughts?


#8

So, when he gets pills, he shares with his “friends” - When he’s out, I guess they don’t share with him?

Do you think your son is using the drugs in part to fit in and to have some friends who accept him, even if it’s only because they get drugs out of him?

Because if the last 2 weeks are peaceful, that’s the exact opposite of how my son would be when he would run out early. He’d be an angel while he had his drugs, and he wasn’t sharing. When he ran out & needed them even a day early, it was awful living with him.

My son’s two friends (friends since they were kids, so before drugs, but they definitely got into drugs together) have straightened up, gotten past their drug use & have left him behind years ago. He’s socially anxious & doesn’t trust people, but he’s also very lonely. I think he’d do what your son is doing to have someone to hang out with.


#9

yes and yes! when the drugs are gone so are the “friends”! He trades for pot and loves to take his xanax. He wants the high so that he can fit in bc he does feel socially awkward! and he is so lonely. but he lives right behind us and we try to involve him in as many activities and outings as we can.
but the stealing has gotten so bad that we don’t want to take him to any store for fear he will end up in jail!
I’ve lost count of how many times he has filed a police report saying his meds got stolen in an effort to obtain more. when the truth is he either took them all or sold/traded them. and the people that come around are drug dealers and addicts and have already been in jail for theft and meth.
I went down to his house the other night to check on him and couldn’t get him to the door so I went around to the back and as soon as I rounded the corner I was face to face with one of his “friends”!! just standing there in the pitch black. we live in the country! scared me to death!! I asked him what he was doing and he said he couldn’t get my son to answer the door so he was just waiting. I told him my son was asleep and if he didn’t leave I was calling the cops! he left. but that could have very easily turned out to be a bad situation bc I know his friend carry guns! which so do I but since I was simply going to check on my son I didn’t feel the need to bring mine! I don’t allow guns around him as much as I can control!!
things just seem to be getting worse instead of better and I’m scared!


#10

My husband used to work construction, both for other people and himself, and I ran with a pretty rough crowd as a kid, like almost everyone I grew up with did. I’ve known lots of people who you could tell were addicts, I’ve known people who looked perfect who were addicts too - one was a stay-at-home mom who had a perfect house, perfect kids, volunteered at the school, did it all. She said she loved to do a line of crank & clean her house all night. To me, that was scarier than someone who was an obvious addict. And, I’ve had lots of family members & friends end up in jail for all kinds of things.

So people like that don’t scare me, although I don’t want to run into anyone in the dark, armed or not. It’s unsettling.

Do you have a dog? I’m guessing living in the country, you might, but I think big dogs deter people like that more than guns, especially if they don’t think you’d really use it or they have one too.

I have 2 in the house and no one’s coming in without permission - many not even with permission. One’s 120 lbs, his sister is 100 lbs, and they don’t like anyone they don’t know. They’d also let you know if someone’s around way before you’d see them.


#11

Yeah I have dogs alright! 5 to be exact!! Not intentionally! They are rescue dogs. Two dachshunds, one beagle fiest mix, one Italian greyhound and one min pin. They all have loud barks but their bites, well, not so much! Lol!!


#12

Omg exactly exactly exactly my life. By the 15th the $ my husband has is gone, then he’s delusional for a week, then he starts realizing the delusions are not quite normal, then back to the hospital. Walls, glasses broken and "you just don’t get it "

I’ve spent a summer learning about all this, which granted is just enough to scratch the surface, but the mix of SZ and substance abuse and borderline personality disorder and PTSD is a hard one to tease apart. I will say, the bpd and the SZ symptoms for my husband happened within 1 year of daily drug use. Btw, he is adamant that the suboxone depleted his dopamine to the point that other drugs made him feel… something. Now it stops the feelings and makes his brain stop.

The point is, I do see several commonalities in our experiences and the two things that stand out to me are that without getting to the cause of the addictive behavior, they just substitute 1 substance for another. The second thing that stands out to me is the difficulty in finding treatment for people who abuse substances and have mental illness when often times one makes you ineligible for treatment for another. That rock bottom addicts often hit when they choose treatment and sobriety is a long time in coming in a person with psychosis and delusions. And mine knows to hide the delusions or he will “stay locked up.”

It’s also ironic to me that my husband wont take meds. At all. But he will self medicate all day long. It truly is heartbreaking. He finds out Tuesday if they will accept him for an inpatient drug rehab program that makes him eligible for a PTSD inpatient program. All I can do is pray, because I know what will happen if he’s outpatient. The longer he stays in, the better.


#13

My son’s done the same - wouldn’t take Zyprexa because it’s bad for you, but had no problem pumping everything else in his body, although he did think by the end that suboxone was the worst thing on earth.

Yesterday, he saw his pdoc, who had a heads up he wasn’t taking his meds & why. They went over some new ones & my son had one in mind he wanted, Vraylar - a new, very expensive one. And, although he is supposed to take them at night, opened up the samples & took one when we got in the car, along with a new anti-depressant.

He’s a lot more willing to take things when he has a choice, so his pdoc rolls with it.

I’m really hoping this one works & people have had good luck with it - it’s just too soon to tell.

I have an advantage on you though. I know my son was sick before he ever did any drugs at all. He was clean when he had his first psychotic break at 15, and I remember once, when he was about 13, we we were at a drive through window at the Dairy Queen. He swore up & down this younger boy sitting with his parents inside, right by the window, was laughing at him and saying things. The boy never looked at him - not once. It was very isolated, and there were other odd things here & there, but if it’s never happened to you, you don’t know what psychosis is, and you don’t want to make your kid feel weird by dragging them off to a doctor saying they did something one time.


#14

I’d be THRILLED if my husband got a prescription hahaha! Gotta laugh!


#15

We’ve had so many prescriptions, I could open my own drug store - and we’re still not much better off than you guys.


#16

My son just started on this drug about 3 weeks ago. Before this past Thurs I could really see a difference in him. He was calm, resting better and just all around in a better state of mind. However, he got refills of his xanax and percocet on Thurs and its been down hill from there. I’m of the opinion that he would do just fine without the xanax and percocet! Not sure why dr gives them to him in the first place! They know he abuses them!


#17

Thanks for letting me know the new drug worked for your son. I’m always nervous about it because he’s taken other things that didn’t. I can’t see a change yet, and he said he slept last night, but I’m not sure. He was awake when I went to bed about 11:30 PM & looked wide awake when I came downstairs. Of course, it was just one day, and he usually has to go to the highest dosages to get any kind of effect - he was supposed to take 1.5 mg yesterday, then go to 3 mg today & stay there, but he took the pill while I was in the store & just went with 3 mg to start. No side effects mentioned yet, so that’s good.

If I don’t see any changes in a week, I’ll probably call & see if we should increase the dosage.

My son has terrible anxiety - really, really bad.
So bad, that his therapist, who I’ve mentioned is a substance abuse therapist first, MH therapist second, explained to me that the psychiatrists at the county would be reluctant to continue his klonopin prescription unless we all made a case for him being mentally ill first and an abuser second. So, she was thinking he probably needed the klonopin too, or maybe she was worried he wouldn’t see the dr’s there if they didn’t give him the klonopin? It seems there’s always a secret agenda with everyone.

They gave him some klonopin in the hospital, but didn’t write him a script for any when he left, so I just acted like he was out when he came home.

When he went to see the psychiatrist yesterday, he asked if he was still taking anything else, and I said no, not even the klonopin, and my son didn’t say he needed them or get upset about not getting them.

I think he just wanted them to go with the suboxone for a high, and now that he’s not going to take the suboxone, he hasn’t mentioned the klonopin again. I’m going to let it ride as long as I can.

I’m still amazed your son gets percocets like that. I know my son’s pdoc wouldn’t prescribe them - he’s very against opiates not only because of the addiction issues but because he says they cause personality changes. We talked about it when my son first got addicted because I told him how he was pretty much symptom free on the opiates. He was nice, friendly, confident, outgoing - you’d never have guessed he had a serious MI.

To be completely honest, if he didn’t need more & more & more to not be sick when I found out, I’d have bought them off the street for him.

My husband needs pain meds from time to time & I dread it when he gets them. He’s like your son - they make him very grouchy & it’s like he has a hair trigger. He says they don’t even do much for the pain anymore. He thought I was making it up & exaggerating, but he finally had some friends that I don’t even talk to tell him the same thing. At least he takes them as prescribed or less.


#18

The change you will see is very gradual! So much so that my son didn’t even notice until we pointed it out to him and he even said this was the best antipsychotic med he has taken. No noticeable side affects! Changes are subtle but there! Just give it a few days and you will see. :blush:


#19

I can’t wait!

Did your son have delusions?

If those would go away & he would stop hearing people say things they don’t, I think he could make some massive improvements in his life.

I’m almost scared to hope that after all this time, we’ll have found the right one. Well, there’s no almost about it, I’ve gotten almost supersticious about being happy or hopeful. I feel like if I let myself do that, I’ll have to pay for it later. Worried and stressed is my comfort zone - I know how to operate there.


#20

I’m curious how it works on the negative symptoms? Our son is wanting Adderall quick release to be able to get back to school but his PDoc said no because it might make him psychotic. Do any of your doctors perscribe stimulants? I am trying to listen to my son but to date have agreed with the Doctor. Last night I was listening to Dr. Armador talk about looking for the negative effects and needing to treat those as well. I think this is what my son is saying as well.