Spinning wheels

Family
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Very old, dear, unmedicated friend who lives a continent away: He leaves messages only when something disruptive is happening in his solitary life and he’s freaking out. Repeats the same fears and grievances, often the same stories. This time, for the first time, he hints at possibly restarting some kind of therapy (!!). But then he reiterates all his fears and doomsday scenarios, rationalizing why any progress is not possible, spinning his wheels…

I realize I am probably most useful to him as a sounding board, which is why he doesn’t call but just leaves these long, rambling messages every few months. I respond right away with empathy and willingness to help, but usually there’s no response… until the next crisis.

I’m practicing LEAP by sending regular messages of support and reminding him I am there for him. But it’s tough, even though I think I’m helping him a little. I just have to remind myself that any positive results from this kind of support at a distance takes time, months if not years, and there’s no guarantee it will fundamentally change anything for him. At least he may feel less lonely.

One thing about SZ in later life is that the positive symptoms really do seem to lessen or even disappear, but the negative ones still make life very difficult.

I just needed to get this out, to a group who understands. Thanks for reading!

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Your friend is lucky to have you in his life. There are so many who lead lonely lives and have no one they can reach out to who will give them a supportive shoulder in the especially difficult times.

In Family to Family the room went silent when they told us that these were situations that would require years of support and possibly with only very small advances.

When I look back at the way my son’s life was made better using LEAP, I try to not forget that it was years of constant LEAPing conversations that made it all possible.

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@Spinningwheels: save yourself some time and energy and let it go. I’m in a 5-1/2 year relationship and wish someone would have warned me! I’m feeling locked into this relationship otherwise he wouldn’t live as well as we are. His scale would not be tipping without me!