I’m just finding myself in a bit of a spiral tonight and I just need to get some thoughts out.
Unfortunately my elderly father with congestive heart failure is worsening he was in the hospital last week and I believe they recommended he went to rehab but instead chose to come home.
Now his elderly roommate and my sibling with schizoaffective disorder are taking care of him while I’m happy that my sibling is in a position to do some caring at this point, it certainly isn’t flawless but he’s doing his best which of course I worry about all the things!!! like my sibling going into a spiral himself.
And how many more days my dad even has left what happens when he leaves am I to be My brother’s keeper solely then ? How will I be able to keep him housed right now he lives in my dad’s house and my dad pays the mortgage.
Hi megmeg, I am so sorry about your dad’s health. Of course looking ahead is worrisome. Maybe this is a good time to talk with your dad concerning the plans he has laid out for your sibling’s future? There are ways to leave funds to disabled people receiving government benefits, the will just has to be made in accordance with some slightly complicated laws. Some parents do simpler wills and leave everything to a trusted adult child knowing that the funds will only be used for the disabled sibling.
I am so sorry, it is a heavy burden to choose to take on. Your father may have other plans in mind, with his health declining, he might welcome the discussion. Take care megmeg.
There’s definitely some financial matters to attend to. If your father is paying the mortgage and he passes away, how will the payments continue? Do the elderly roommate and sibling have the income to continue the payments? If not, then now would be the time to consider alternative housing for both of them and selling the house.
My sibling is on SSI it’s not enough to pay the market
He lives in my dad’s house by himself because he had a bed set a show where the state my dad had to move out to live with the elderly friend.
So while he could make part of the payment it wouldn’t be in full. I have tried many times to talk with my dad about getting an arrangement that would work for when he’s gone like selling the house and getting a smaller space for my brother.
Unfortunately he hasn’t been able to and my brother is very adamant the house is his and this is where he will continue to live so it’s hard to say I don’t know what will happen.
At one point there was a will that I would be in charge of the estate but my dad knows there will be nothing I can do just like he has not been able to do anything except keep him housed at least.
I wish there was a way that a parent could leave their own social security to their child of course my brother doesn’t think he’s disabled because he has on anasognosia . And there wouldn’t be anything else my dad would be able to leave.
If your brother was on disability before 18 he will get more from his dad’s account when he passes. There may be subsidized housing or group housing available. Is your brother seeing a psychiatrist or have a social worker? One other thought he could be considered a vulnerable adult and services through the state may be available. Best wishes. Let us know how your visit goes.
megmet, I hope your dad will have a frank talk with you. Our son’s brother had agreed to look after Mike if something happened to both of us. We had made it clear that he did not have to accept and that he should never have living with his brother as part of any plans. Mike’s delusions would have made a long term situation impossible.
Another thing to keep in mind, if your Dad possibly has enough equity in his house and/or maybe has some funds saved to be able to pay off the house, (hope still springs eternal I guess), you could own the house in your name and could rent to your brother. To make it more affordable for your brother, you could turn it into section 8 housing. This is doable, but will take research. Your brother would have to apply for a voucher. Once approved, he would only have to pay 30% of the rent due you and the PHA would pay you (directly) the other 70%.
Like all of these sort of programs, rules can vary from state to state.
If he worked enough to collect SSDI -OR- as @Carlie had mentioned, was diagnosed before age 18 so could apply under your dad or mom’s social security, SSDI alone does have different rules for income allowed, etc. Possibly your brother could collect more monthly money with SSDI alone.
My son had worked enough to qualify for SSDI, but the amount he received monthly was under a Texas state minimum limit so he received a small amount of SSI to bring him to the minimum level. When someone receives SSI, they also receive Extra Help for their Medicare and (once again depending upon their state as Medicaid is disbursed by the state) Medicaid. Mike qualified for Medicare two years post scz permanent disability diagnosis. Having Medicare (with extra help) and Medicaid, he only paid for his part D premium and his drug co-pays. Everything that was covered by Medicare at 80%, Medicaid paid the remaining 20%.
You’re on the right track looking at the financial possibilities. His financial future is about sustainability.
SSI is for people who haven’t worked- ssdi is for people who have worked- sometimes people need a disability attorney to help get the benefits/ or you can apply online for it as well- he will need a medical doctor confirming and supporting his need for disability.
He ended up needing to be in the hospital he was transferred from the in-home at hospice and then passed in the hospital.
I know there’s a will that says I’m supposed to be the executor of his estate, they are going to be so many layers of this I know.
I need people to talk to me about the estate process if anybody has been through it ups and downs maybe things you would have done or not done.
Basically talk to me about executor of the state like I’m in school everything happened so quickly and I’m glad I did get to see him and see my brother for the first time after 6 years since my mom had passed but everything has been so quick like a whiplash!
And then working full-time having two kids and having a partner of my own with a mental disability I just need a quick things I can reference if anyone has anything
I am so sorry your dad died, glad you made it to see him, but so sorry you have lost him.
My husband was his parents’ executor and my sister was my mom’s recently.
First thing to do is find the will and gather the asset paperwork together. Wills have to be dealt with in accordance to the laws of the state where your dad lived. Some states try to be more friendly toward people not wanting to use a lawyer to probate and will have lots of information online, other states require lawyers to probate. For some states the value of the estate has to be over a certain amount to require probate. If probate is required, there will most likely be a time limit involved for starting probate. My mom’s estate required probate in order for her home to be sold. My husband’s parents had already sold their home prior to their deaths.
Kind of hoping your dad had added your name on the checking account, that will help you pay bills in the meantime.
Your dad may have premade arrangements for a funeral or a cremation. Some people do, some don’t.
Unfortunately I am not on his checking account and I’m wanting to just get his bills paid for the month so I think I’m going to start there and call the bank first and see what they need.
Update my dad has passed at the beginning of the month,
I’ve now been left as executor of estate my brother is still living in his home.
I’m slowly trying to figure out the estate process and most likely will need to get a lawyer.
I’m having lots and lots of communication with my brother. Some of it’s been good part of him is more present than he has been, but there’s also the other part paranoia and delusion.
Lots of PTSD because of where his disease has taken him in the past and he’s so afraid to lose his place.
