My step dad, whom I consider my only real “dad” is not expected to live the rest of the year. My mom is o k thank goodness but this little black cloud is looming over my head. I am a week clean from alcohol and two months clean from smoking pot. Basically I feel these emotions I’m feeling are magnified now that I’ve stopped drinking and smoking weed. I have called upon my Higher Power to help me get over all this havoc in my life. Every night I find myself crying myself to sleep. I want peace in my life.
Have you spoke to a therapist about this?
I plan on it. I have a group to go to next thursday, but that’s a ways off. My therapist is very good and has a way of soothing me. He’s on vacation this week. thanks @samples32
I’m sorry, I know it’s hard. Please know, if you need to talk, you know where to find me. Maybe it would help to share with us, some happy memories of your stepfather? Just in increments, as you can handle it?
thanks @samples32 I visited with him last week and he went on a buggy ride on the farm with us (motorized buggy) and he showed me some baby donkies and his calves with their cows. Even though he is dying he still tries to act like his old self. This I respect him for. He is truly one of the only real cowboys I’ve ever known. He has had several strokes and overcame all of them so that he could still take care of the farm. In tears he asked me if I would come take care of him when my mom takes her next trips away from him and I promised I would. As far as other memories, he was the only one who bought me a car when I was in college and couldn’t afford a car. He’s always been there for me.
It might be hypocritical for me to say this, but try not to self medicate. I know it must be hard. Death isn’t the end. It is the beginning of a life on a new plane. Separation only lasts a little while.
thanks @crimby I don’t think you’re hypocritical. I know you still drink and that’s fine with me. I do believe he will find peace in death. He certainly has paid his dues dealing with his strokes and living so long already. I know he will go to a better place.
And he won’t be in pain anymore. He can take a deep breath and tend to his farm without anything to inhibit him.
Hiding from the pain won’t allow you to overcome it. You need to fully experience all the emotions and find a way to naturally overcome them or they’ll stay with you forever. I’ve suppressed a lot of the emotions concerning the death of my mother and I haven’t gotten to a point yet where I can say I’ve come to grips with what has happened.
@Malvok thank you so much for posting on this. I have missed you so much! I hope you will stay on the board? Hasn’t been the same with you gone. thank you old friend. Every time I see my step dad I have to really try to keep from crying because you can see in his face that he is doing worse. I don’t know what I’ll do when my mom passes. that must be tough for you. I didn’t know she had passed. My condolences.
I hope that you feel better Jukebox and find some peace - Wow welcome back Malvok! its nice to see you around here
**My prayers are with you.
If you are able to be with him while your mom is away, then that will actually help you–in every kind of way. Both of you will be ok because you`re together at a very important time.
Love to you 
**
thank you @bridgecomet you have always been so kind to me. You’re right, my visits with him will help heal me.
death is a hard thing to come to terms with.
sorry you are hurting 
take care 
~~~ HUGS~~~
Will keep you and your step dad in my prayers.