To make a long story short, I’ve been dealing with a diagnosed spouse for about 6 years now. We’ve had multiple involuntary hospitalizations and are currently going through another one. Her and I currently have an 8 year old son. The last time she was hospitalized he was 5 and it was very traumatic for him. Police had to intervene and it even messed me up pretty bad. I was terrified of this latest episode, how it would affect him. I was expecting the worst, but got the exact opposite from him. I’ve never seen him so calm, so happy, and so confident. It’s like he walks on eggshells when his mother is around. I’m so torn, I’m devoted to my spouse and our vows, but at the same I feel like I haven’t seen her in 6 years. The loneliness and depression has wrecked me over the years and I’m currently on antidepressants. At the same time I feel terribly guilty for our son. He’s always kind of had to take a back seat to his mothers condition. How do I make the distinction between caregiver and father?
Hi Dan. Welcome.
I’m a parent, but there are many spouses here on this forum. I’m sure you’ll hear from some.
Regardless, this is an awful disease we’re all coping with. In addition to the heartbreak of losing your wife to this illness, you also have the extra stress of trying to manage and protect your child. That’s got to be so hard.
You’re not alone.
Thanks Day-By-Day. I love this forum, I’ve been a long time lurker and just now am posting. Yes, it’s a terrible disease and absolutely devastating. I’m so glad to have found this forum and being able to finally reach out. It is so easy to become isolated when caring for a loved one. I’ve tried so hard to do the best that I can, but I’m at that point where I need help.
Well, unfortunately, it sounds like you’re no rookie at this, and I’m sure you now know how to search for topics and respond to posts on this forum, etc. This forum has been so important to so many, including me.
I imagine the events leading up to this current hospitalization were no walk in the park, and I’m sorry for you all. Hopefully, you and your son are enjoying (in between the sadness and worry) some calmness within your household.
Sharing details is of course optional, but it may help you to finally have an opportunity to get stuff off your chest by sharing with people who truly get it. Most people could never understand.
If you don’t mind sharing, how old was your wife when she was hit? Has she had any success with any meds? Do you have family support?
Hello! My wife was 28 when she first got diagnosed. After her first hospitalization at 28 she was on meds briefly. Every time she starts feeling better she quits taking them and the cycle repeats itself.
My family is very supportive, they always help take care of my son while I’m running between the hospital, work, etc…
On the other hand her family is very detrimental. Her mother is against medicine and thinks everything can be fixed with “essential oils”.
Spouse here! Well, ex spouse. My ex husband has paranoid sz. One thing I’ve learned is that you can still love and support your sz spouse without having to live together.
We are divorced, but you could start with a trial separation. We don’t have children, so it was easier for us, divorce-wise.
I have twin nephews who just turned 7. I am close to them, and it broke my heart to read what about your son being happy now that there is peace in the house. He deserves to live in a healthy home, even if it means without his mom.
I’m going through same shit sitting in the er. My wife is acting now that there is nothing wrong.
Sorry to hear about your sorry suffering brother but you know this illness is about as whacked as anything a person can go through the meds is the way you just have to find a way to keep her on them if u have found something that works than you have already won half the battle now you just have to find a way to suggest how great things are when she is feeling well and how making changes is not necessary right now
Every I say let’s not stop the meds today we can talk about it in a few months but for now things are going great and every day I repeat the same thing I did agree to lower dose since it was affecting her speech but now thankfully it’s working enough without bad side effects and I just play the game of pushing it forward to a later time in future but I understand what you’re going through and it’s not easy best of luck hope she gets better and stays on the meds
@Lt.Dan I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. Is your wife on medication? I’m a parent. I no longer live with my BF because of my sons illness. That is not to say we won’t in the future. But, honestly our relationship is better for it. It’s probably best not to make any big decisions while you have your wife in the hospital. One day at a time. Hang in there.
Thanks everyone for the support! My spouse got out of the hospital yesterday. I’m trying to stay optimistic, she is much better on medicine.
Great to hear! I hope it stays calm going forward. How’s your son?
So sorry to hear of your situation. I, too, am dealing with a spouse who ten months ago developed psychosis and it has gripped her ever since. In my case I have two adult children but they do not live close by. Having to raise a young child while dealing with this is unimaginable.
My advice, for what it’s worth. You must prioritize your son. To do this you must first prioritize yourself (and not feel guilty doing so). This is not to say ignore your wife. But in five years if you can look back and say “I was a great dad and my son is healthy and happy” then this is a good spot to land.
Really, really tough when children are in the picture. So sorry for your situation and for your son, especially. This disease has robbed him of what would otherwise be a fun, loving relationship with his mom.
You must find a way to find strength and joy in your life so that you may provide your son with some semblance of a fun, love-filled “normal” childhood.
A few years passed unbelievably fast. I think that your son must now take center stage. Be there for him. Be present in his world. Open up activities and explore the world with him. Do this and children have a way of bringing joy and meaning back into your life. Do this and it will help you get off of antidepressants (these drugs are loaded with unintended side effects). Do this and accept (for now) that the situation with your wife is what it is. Once your child is stronger and the two of you have found a life beyond this heart breaking situation then you may refocus on your wife knowing that all is OK with your son.
Strength to you!