I know I’m really late on this but just had to post a response to this. There is no right or wrong with this illness. It doesn’t matter what you say or how you say it, often times it’s twisted and distorted by the illness. Because of disordered thinking and impaired cognition, they literally cannot process things properly. It doesn’t mean every thing, but it’s very nature is unpredictable. I guarantee you if you said the exact same phrase every day in the exact way at the same time, you would get a range of reactions from a person with SCZ that would vary in an unpredictable pattern.
As for medical professionals, I am learning the hard way that they are all too human and make mistakes. They can be cold, thoughtless, insensitive, bullish, and do some really unforgivable things. But there are some who go above and beyond, who try to make a difference, who care everyday. Today you seem to have come up against the former, not the latter. Keep trying, keep fighting, keep believing in yourself and standing up for that. To he** with what ANYONE else says - if you’re sure and you believe in yourself, refuse to accept anything less. Because no one said doing the right thing would be EASY.
YOU did nothing wrong. Your family did you and him wrong by not trying to understand and refusing to look deeper, past their limited views. So please, don’t internalize that nonsense, it will do you and him no good. And I’m sorry for you both that it happened.
Wow what a great reply! Thank you! I cried when I read it but then again I cry a lot LOL.
Your response was Johnny on the spot because I got him to go to the VA finally and he couldn’t sit through the evaluation and he ended up getting mad and accusing the doctor and my heart sank when he walked out and the Dr. said “he’s gotta want it” I was so mad at the doctor because I wanted her to do something.
I really thought they would help. He said I am homeless, I slept on a cardboard box last night, and I’m hungry.
When they let him walk out (with him telling everyone in the lobby they are going to hell and burning) I thought this whoIe thing is a trick and there is no help ever. Now after reading your reply I realize that was some black and white thinking. One day I feel like I have hope and the next day zero hope.
Now in the last week he thinks I’m Satan and never wants to speak to me agan, and since he is Jesus Christ he has to get rid of the sick ones like me.
I have heard other people here talk about their lover ones thinking they’re Satan and I thought Im glad he doesn’t do that. But now that he does, it’s incredibly painful to hear that I am causing my son so much stress and turmoil.
I do know that I can’t do everything right and I’ve made a decision early on to allow myself to make mistakes and be okay with it but I really really appreciate you saying that.
I love that sticks song! Thanks for sharing it I just listened to it and shared it to fb too. There is so much ignorance all around this disease but I understand why. I mean no watch videos and read every book, or article about schizophrenia and I’m still confused. There seems to be no cure. Idk. Thanks again for your comment
I am so sorry. I am somewhat fortunate because my daughter is 10 and I have some control. It’s harder when they are adults. I would suggest creating a simple one page sheet of symptoms and at the top in big letters put “Lacks insight into illness”. I would also ask medical providers what options there are for forcing treatment because he is never going to want it if he thinks nothing is wrong with him. Medication can give insight which can help, it’s just getting to that point is so hard. Doctors refuse to understand that this disorder isn’t always controllable by the patient. They are used to people coming to them for solutions but with this illness it doesn’t always work that way.
I can say the VA should be a provider of last resort for mental health issues. Does he have other insurance where he can see a psychiatrist? Or be admitted to a behavioral health hospital forcibly? You will have to stand up and be a force to be reckoned with for him in as nice and calm of a manner as you can. Recently for my daughter after her 3rd ER trip and they wanted to send her home, I refused. I told them I was insisting on them admitting her and finding out what was going on. If you don’t demand results, they will not be offered for this illness. Having a plan before hand helps me to manage my approach better and be less frazzled.
When she was in the hospital I had to demand testing on her behalf because they wanted to send her home. I fought every step of the way for every answer I got. I was even battling her at one point because she wanted to go home. Longest two days of my life but we finally got some answers.
I am glad my prior post helped you. Stay strong, you are undoubtedly doing all you can, no matter what anyone says (even yourself).
They don’t understand and ppl like that woman are selfish …I could never take that position about my mentally ill adult son …yes he steals yes he does drugs yes he’s stolen from me …but I know he would never do those things and all the other bizarre behaviour if he wasn’t sick…our children didn’t ask to be brought into this world they didn’t want to be sick …I sure as hell would hope that my family would look out for me knowing I wasn’t in my right mind …and imo family that doesn’t step up are not family …sadly
Yea that’s my favorite …“don’t you think he needs help?” Here’s another one “I know there’s more help out there you just aren’t looking” …I literally want to punch those ppl in the face…its like do these ppl seriously think I like to go through all this and I’m just lazy not looking for mental illness help for my son who obviously needs it?
My 20 yr old has a car an a new schooter but has PTSD from 2 car accidents. I was concerned that he would not try to learn to drive until I read on here that one’s son refused to ride in a car! So I am more thankful for small things.
He has made friends w/ a girl who also has mental problems an has a baby by someone else. He ask how much his life insurance was an that he wanted to leave it to her. I am cashing it in bec I do not want him to kill himself to leave her money. Just when u think it is going to b ok!!
I am80,he is 20 an how do i find someone I can trust to manage his money when I am gone?what kind of a will do i leave him?Desperate-
Yes, please look into a Special Needs Trust. This will protect him from losing any benefits he currently receives or might receive in the future.
The lawyer may also be able to direct you to companies that provide trust management if you don’t have someone reliable in your son’s age bracket who you could designate as the trustee.
It can take some research to find an attorney trained in estate planning - any lawyer can crank out a will, the special needs trusts have to be done correctly.
I am SO tired of being told that I’m a strong person. It’s like an excuse not to be supportive, since I, apparently, don’t NEED it–because I’m just so dang strong!
I’m also not an island. Of course I need support.