The pain of words


#1

We are trying to adjust my sons’ meds.He has the hardest time in the evening before his Seroquel.I can tell when he’s struggling because he yells+starts cussing,sometimes his thoughts make little sense.Tonight he told me that I’m the reason he used to cut his arm right before he was diagnosed because I stress him out.He told me that he hates me checking on him and acting like a parent(?).I know he is having a hard time right now.It just makes me sick to think there could be any truth behind his words.


#2

I’m sorry he’s doing this. Even at 12 it’s easier to blame parents rather then admit we are the cause of our own actions.

Plus, sometimes when something really doesn’t make sense, it’s like grasping at straws as far as who to blame. It’s had to say “My imaginary friend told me to cut my arm open” so the brain blames Mom.

I’m sorry he’s putting you through this. Cussing at 12. I could never get away with that. 16 and 17 I am guilty, but at 12? No matter how sick I was, my Mom still put me in the thinking room and took away my T.V.

I know it hurts, but you are a good parent. As Barbie BF might say, he’s projecting his anger on to you. Good luck. I’m rooting for you.


#3

@Surprised J-what was the thinking room?I am SO having a hard time with discipline+sz.I did reprimand him and he stopped immediately.It’s hard to explain but at times he acts like someone else has taken him over.He would normally never act/talk like this.That’s one way I can gauge how well the meds are doing.When he starts acting like that,he also starts sounding delusional.We have pdoc appt this next week.I am heartsick over needing to increase his Seroquel back to 300mg.) :


#4

He is only 12? Being 12 is hard enough to try to figure out how to start becoming independent from your parents/family, but as my mom always told me, "if you don’t want me to treat you like a child, then do what your supposed to and I wont have to."
This rang true for me.
Act like an adult, get treated like an adult.


#5

The thinking room is a room in my parents home that has one sofa, one coffee table, two chairs and that is it. Recessed overhead lighting.
No T.V. , no toys, no radio, no games, no clock. It’s where Mom sent us to go think…

“You just sit in there and think about what you just did/said young man.”

We kids called it the “thinking room” Now it’s the discussion room. It was hard to act up in the thinking room. Cream walls, tan carpet, no painting on the walls. No stimulus.

Oh the thinking room… Actually NOW it’s the best place for a nap.


#6

My son will what I call project his angry feelings onto me. Or at least try to. I tell him that I refuse to accept responsibility for his anger. It is hard to not take it to heart. When not at his best he will fight against boundaries however when he is doing good there are times he will make comments that tell me that somewhere inside he recognizes the need for them.

I tell my son this a lot. He says I’m putting him down and being insulting and ignorant… Sometimes I let loss and point out how insulting and child like his behavior really is, not proud of that, but usually I just stop talking at this point.

Right or wrong, I do have the upper hand in that he will want something from me or for me to do something for him which means the onus will be on him to come talk to me with a civil tone. And he will… which in my eyes reinforces my believe that he is capable of acting better.

I try my best to not let my son know how much his words can hurt me. It only gives him leverage when he is lashing out and more ammo of what buttons to push to get a reaction so that he can continue his negative behavior.


#7

I remember while growing up with a “bratty” brother who dominated all events, big or small, demanded all parental attention yet never listened to them even though they never backed down, and, naturally DX’d as mentally ill and the reason for the entire family being in therapy, while he fought everyone’s rule with all he had, he actually did better when held accountable for his actions.
Now he just past 50years old, has an18 year old son, he tells my mom that he even though he kicked and screamed at how strict they were, he says now she wasn’t strict enough.


#8

My son still says these things tome-and he is 37 years old. I think he has issues with me from the past, Im sure. He usually calls after an arguement and says he is sorry-he is under a lot of stress. When he starts up, I hang up or walk away. This must be really hard with a 12 year old...on the other hand, you still have parental control. You are also the MOM. You still hold the reins so to speak. Check it now, or things will be worse later. I wish I had done it when I was able. Its hard not to take it personally–this is someone you love more than anyone. Please don`t feel bad. In so many ways, he is just a 12 tear old boy and trying to move away from you. This is usually a time when they start to move closer to their father. My son did not have a good one.


#9

My mother has paranoid sz and I finally stopped speaking to her last year. I’m 49. She’s only been on meds for 7 years, but ill since she was a teenager. I’m assuming so since she left her home country because of various paranoid delusions. Growing up and as an adult I figured prominently in her delusions and was blamed for many bizarre things and treated as though I were the embodiment of all that was disgusting and evil. Needless to say…I’m completely messed up. In an effort to repair my health I stopped speaking to her and have been feeling better. I don’t suggest this when the person is your child. I was just responding to the ‘pain of words’ title as I’m new to the forum. Thank you for listening.


#10

Welcome to the forum.

It’s very hard to cut out family who is road blocking your healing. but sometimes it just has to be done.

I’m 29 and I have 3 younger brothers… but one brother in particular has been setting me off, and making life harder for a very long time. He even got the spare key to my apartment and when I was out of town with my sister, this brother left many bottles of irish whisky and pot in my house.

I’ve been sober for 6 years now and except for a glitch last year, I’ve been off pot and other drugs for 7. So his leaving this in my apartment was a huge sign that it was time for me to keep my distance. Not easy since he is a brother, but I have to keep myself healthy. I’ve worked too hard to let him tare down what I’ve built up.

Good luck and I hope you find some ideas on the forum.


#11

That’s good that you know when to keep a distance…I’m trying to learn that. My mother used to medicate with Irish whiskey and I wonder if your brother is medicating that way too.


#12

Yes, he is going through something dark and eventually he’ll get help. He’s trying to figure himself out.

It’s hard to break away completely since I get along well with my sister-in-law. (his wife) and I adore my niece and nephew. It’s amazing how complicated things can get quickly.


#13

I was thinking about the use of bad words. Are they yelled in affection or more like obsessive behavior? I have tourette’s syndrom and used to yell “Junkie” when my dad was mad at me. It made him even angrier. But I couldn’t help it.

Words get stuck in my head and I have to say them. Or yell them. It’s gotten better with age and with antipsychotics. It’s the same medicine for tourette’s and sz.