My 25 year old son has Schizophrenia. It started around 19 and I have been doing my best to help him live a life that is as normal as possible. Like many people, my life is a strange and unrelenting quest to navigate the mental health system. It’s frustrating and I have to choke back the tears when my son is being interviewed by, yet another, healthcare worker. I am frustrated with inadequate therapy, and medications. I’m fearful for my son’s future. I am emotionally drained from the daily battles. But the real reason I cry is because I am losing my son. I can sometimes see him- how he used to be- and I am reminded that my sweet little boy is drifting away from me. He sometimes looks so lost…and I sometimes see myself in the mirror- I look lost as well.
We all go through these thoughts, feelings and experiences. You are not alone. Just focus on the small bits of progress that you can see on occasion. Don’t give up. Seek therapy yourself if it all gets overwhelming.
KMC I feel your pain. Sz is a relentless condition which affects our kids right in the prime of their lives. It’s not fair😢 Seek some assistance for yourself if you’re able. You and your son both deserve a peaceful life.
Hi KMC, it does feel like we are losing our beloved family members. These illnesses are like other serious illnesses. I had dreams that my son died again and again and again. But they really are still here.
I used to cry all the time, too, when I was with my sz ex husband. The frustrating thing is when they agree to get help, and the system fails you. I heard that sz caregivers experience “endless grieving” for their loved ones.
Your son is young: in many cases sz gets better as they get older. Take hope from that. Also, you may yet find a good healthcare professional, and/or get him on a med he can tolerate.
Be kind to yourself. Try to do something you enjoy everyday.
I know…the loss is heartwrenching.
I agree and understand… I have to remind myself daily my son is not who I thought he was gonna be… I had to have a funeral in my mind… and remind myself often. My only Hope is ;that non of this is a surprise to The Lord… He is who I take comfort in… He allows these painful things we don’t understand, for a reason… and He comforts and gives joy even in the valley. My son is 23 and it’s been a little over 2 years sz diagnosis… and it has been a whirlwind. I thank God for doctors and medication…and even the annoying things my son does… he’s severely ocd too… I just have to love him where he’s at… and sometimes it’s hard…
i understand how you feel, the system could use alot of work. my mom has schizophrenia and it has been so hard especially cause im still a teenager, in idaho they wont commit anyone unless they are a harm to themselves or others. it took my mom trying to kill herself to get the help she deserved. dont feel like you have to be positive all the time because it really sucks and you can cry about it as much as you need, but realize how much you are learning with this experience and the opportunity youve been given to help others! but dont forget to help yourself first. i lost myself too and ive been working on it, i see such a different person from years ago… its heart breaking in some ways.
I want to thank everyone for your advice and sentiments. I am not always negative. I just feel the bad days are far more frequent than the good days. I feel guilty because I just feel like giving up on trying to help my kid. I feel so defeated and I’m just sick of the never ending paranoid conversations. I’m suffering from caregiver stress. I am a nurse and work 60 hours a week caring for a young adult with anoxic brain injury then come home to my son ranting and obsessing- I am seeking counseling, I think I need a 10 year vacation. lol.
We’re here for all of it. You don’t have to try to be positive here. We all have really bad days. I often feel negative and almost always feel somewhat guilty. Counseling helps me. I hope you find some time for yourself. People here have reminded me again and again that all ideas and feelings are part of our lives and part of this forum. Your work hours and taking care of your son would overwhelm three people and maybe be doable for six people.
My son is 34. He is going out with me to the barn and we will ride the horses today. He is helpful and we can have fun together. He cannot work, but it has improved over the years to a livable excistance. Hope it does change for you too. 19-25 were the worst years. It slowly got better for us as time went by. He stopped taking meds a few months ago. He has tried them all. This new one was okay but honestly now it seems he is about the same with or without meds and the side effects are always an issue. He is crazier than a hoot owl if you were a fly on the wall. But we manage and I understand most of the time,. We are like any family. There can always be a conflict of something but we are on one anothers side for the long haul. I stopped crying so long ago. No percentage in it. It is what it is. Hope the best for you.
That’s so good you can have fun together ,wish you all the best .