I feel like I am losing my mind. We are admitting my 10 year old daughter for the third time tonight since July 2017. She just got out of the hospital on 12/23. How could she disintegrate so fast already? Can someone please stop the world? I would like to get off now.
This time she had an emotional breakdown and wanted to kill herself because she can’t stop seeing and hearing things randomly that aren’t there. She wants the meds to work but they aren’t. She has periods of normalcy and then these horrible things assault her senses. And I am helpless. What do you say? It’s going to be okay, when it’s not? It’ll get better, but we don’t know for how long?
I hate this, I HATE THIS! I hate what it’s doing to her, to me, to our family. It’s so unfair and I just want to shake these people who are evaluating her like some monkey in a zoo. Their compassion is zero. They are just checking boxes. She’s not as acute as she was last time, she’s now ‘mid’ so maybe she won’t be there as long.
But she had 5 visual hallucinations and 1 auditory. Six episodes in one day. At bedtime all she could do was cling to me and sob. How do I handle this at home? Or do I run to admissions every time? Why isn’t there a better way?
At least this time, I have no guilt. I did everything I could. And I made sure no matter what that she knew she is loved. And that this isn’t her fault.