Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

To Stay or Leave


#1

I’ve been with my schizophrenic boyfriend for nearly four years now. He is going through his third psychosis since we met, approximately one each year. His latest one started a few weeks ago and he had his meds adjusted. He seemed fine and life returned to normal for a week or so. We were having a wonderful weekend together until about two hours ago, when he suddenly started accusing me of playing games and adjusting the time on his watch. In his mind, I had done this not once but twice, even though I had not done it at all. He just as suddenly packed up his stuff and went home, leaving me stunned at the quick turnaround. I have contacted his sister, who lives locally, is a nurse, and generally takes charge in these situations, which is wonderful. I know there’s no predictability with this disorder and am just wondering about my future, either with or without him. We have a wonderful relationship when he’s well, and it’s painful to think of my life without him, but I don’t know how much I can and/or should take. I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has made such a decision and your reasons for staying or leaving. Thanks in advance to those who are willing to share.


#2

Being in a relationship with an sz is demanding. If he is treatment compliant and taking his medications, and you care for him a lot, then stay. If he isn’t treatment compliant being with him will probably be harrowing.


#3

It’s amazing how much a med adjustment can disrupt that fine balance. It’s scary when the doctors want to adjust my brothers meds. He’s doing so well and has worked so hard. Med adjustments can be surprising.

I don’t know how much you know about this illness. It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to be med compliant and has some family on his side who are not in denial.

This is a huge plus for you and him. Having supportive family and a med plan is a huge step towards managing this illness.

http://schizophrenia.com/diag.php#

www.nami.org

http://schizophrenia.com/family/faqindex.htm

I would suggest reading as much as you can and getting to know as much as you can.

http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?section=Find_Support

to answer your question, I’m not a girlfriend, I’m a sister. I stay on my oldest brother’s side because underneath this illness and the confusion and the side effects of the meds, lays an amazing and incredibly kind person. I’m so proud of my oldest brother for fighting this illness.

It’s hard being a caregiver to anyone who is suffering. Because of that, I would suggest getting yourself a support system.

So many of my questions were supported and answered with my support group. So many resources came my way while in my support group.

It’s not easy, but when the illness began to hit remission and my brother came back to us, I didn’t regret a single moment of the time I’ve stayed on his side.

Only you can decide how much to take and what to stand for. I hope you find patience and strength when battling this illness with your loved one.


#4

i am a sz and mrs sith has stuck by me through the hard times.
but she did this:
she accepted and understood the sz and continues learning…
she had plans a and b for when psychosis reared up ( i was psychotic for 8 months last year )
she doesn’t place expectation on me
she does not hold a grudge and is forgiving
she plans my meals, vitamins etc…
and i should say i am not on meds.

this is not an easy ride, but saying that ’ muggles ’ can have heaps of problems too
we have made it work.
take care


#5

You’re lucky darksith.


#6

I agree with Nick: you found a great partner is Mrs Sith :slight_smile:

Very happy that you have that kind of love, support, and understanding.

Blessings,

Anthony


#7

It is hard to have his paranoia centered around you. It’s easier if the paranoia is about something or someone else, and you are the good guy and he sees you as being on his side even when he’s in full-blown psychosis. That may understandably be the deal-breaker for you, especially if you have suffered any verbal or physical abuse when he has been psychotic.


#8

Welcome to the forum @sistergoldenhair

My son is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. You have some difficult decisions to make. As a parent I’m currently going through some things with my son and trying to make decisions regarding his future and my own willingness to be responsible for him. None of it is easy and when breaks continue to happen it does not get any easier. More familiar but not easier. No one can make this decision for you. Even with the right treatment there may be ups and downs that cannot be foreseen. Wishing you all the best during this hard time.


#9

Only you can make that decision. I’ve been in your shoes and ultimately, I wasn’t strong enough to continue (although, I wasn’t really given much choice; he ran away constantly, wasn’t med/therapy compliant, ruined my other relationships, embarrassed me more times than I can remember, was very volatile, had anger-control issues and left me stranded one time too many).

I’m no stranger to caring for people with a mental illness; my mother having severe and long-lasting bouts of anxiety and depression to the extent that I spent most of my teenage years looking after her…but I needed a partner I could rely on; not another person who had to rely on me so heavily. I could never expect anything of him…because whenever I did, I’d be let down…so as much as I cared, I wanted a better life for myself.

I went through a period of feeling selfish…but I reminded myself that I did the best I could for 5 years.


#10

i have been with my husband for 25 years it has not been easy i feel that once i said i do it is forever as hard as it is i stay with him because i love him and when i truly need him hes there i also know that my husbands family will not do for him like i do so it comes down to how strong you are cause most days you will ask yourself why do i stay its because on the good days love is graet but they can be far and in between at least your boyfriend takes meds


#11

His symptoms will hopefully improve with each hospitalisation , each relapse can give more insight.

I can’t really advise though.


#12

I know what you’re going through I’m in the same boat except my bf is under conservatorship and ran now runs from country to country but I get accused of stuff too that I didn’t do. So now I get calls when the mood strikes him. I’m sorry for you and me good luck.


#13

I have schizophrenia. Schizophrenia is an illness that can make the sufferer act totally out of character. Try not to be judgemantal. Your boyfriend will bounce back. He just needs caring.