Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Tribute to my son _ warning could be distressing


#1

Hi all hopefully this is a link to the website / blog I’ve set up in memorial of my son Oscar

no safe place for Oscar


#3

So sorry for your loss , what a handsome
Boy he is god bless you and your family :heart:️:heart:️:heart:️


#4

@orson I’m so very sorry for your loss. There are no more words I can say.


#5

I am so sorry. You clearly are a devoted father and tried so hard to do everything you could.


#6

I’m also very sorry for your loss.

I know the US medical system isn’t perfect, but this is an example of why I cringe when people use the NHS as the model we should follow.

People talk only about the good points, like how everyone is covered.

But, they don’t talk about the bad ones. Like, how it’s incredibly expensive even though it’s worked into other taxes instead of paying insurance premiums. And, so many people fall through the cracks or are outright denied treatment. I have some friends in the UK. Some get wonderful treatment, but other’s don’t. Just like here. But, they also have less control and fewer options.

Even in this case, where it sounds like the NHS spent a significant amount of money on Oscar, they didn’t seem to put any thought into him as an individual. It’s tragic.


#7

Orson, I’m so sorry to hear of the tragic death of your beautiful son, Oscar. We all understand your pain, as this is an outcome we all know is possible. This illness is a monster. Peace to you and your family. Peace to your child.


#8

I am so sorry Orson, you worked hard to get help for Oscar. He was such a beautiful son.


#9

Hello Orson, I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved son. There is no greater grief in the world than a parent’s for a lost child. What Oscar went through with the UK system is not what anyone would want for their family member who has a serious illness. I hope that building the coffin helped you mourn and always know that you were working hard on behalf of your son even past the tragically early end of his life.


#10

The system changes very slowly but your son will be part of the call for a better treatment for all mentally ill suffering. The dehumanising of sufferers will change and you have helped.


#11

My sympathies for your loss.

Thank you for posting the link to your website/blog. I read it top to bottom and appreciate the great efforts you went through for your son, and for us, as it helps us to know your story as we struggle with our own situations.


#12

Orson, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son Oscar.


#13

Orson,

You’ve written a beautiful tribute to your boy. He deserved so much better than he got. You both did. You all did. I see no moment where your son received the treatment that might have been helpful and I see no moment where you stopped working to get him the treatment he needed.

It’s unfair and inhumane that Oscar spent his few adult years in a mode of mere attempted survival. It’s wrong that the professionals who were in a position to help him thrive couldn’t find it within themselves to reach for those solutions and instead allowed him to spiritually wilt. It’s wrong that that happened under supposed legal righteousness.

I wish I had the financial means to help you fund your battle. I’m sorry I don’t. It’s a battle you shouldn’t have had to fight then or now, but whatever the outcome at this point it’s worthwhile to take this stand and be counted.

My heart goes out to you and my deepest wish for you is that your soul will somehow find your peace in knowing that Oscar has finally found his peace, though not in the way he deserved.

You did the right things. You didn’t have the cooperation you needed but it wasn’t for lack of trying on your part. You’re doing the right thing now too.

At some point, it will be okay to set down your sword and when you do, Oscar will be proud for your efforts and you can also be proud.


#14

Orson, I am so sorry about the loss of your son. I live in the US where treatment is somewhat different. My daughter who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder was only hospitalized for one week at age 18. We were allowed to visit her every day. She was put on two antidepressants and one antipsychotic which she took for many years. In her mid thirties she stopped the medication on her own and has been doing well. She has a job and lives with her boyfriend.


#15

My heartfelt condolences to you and your family on this tremendous loss of your beloved son. May he truly Rest In Peace.


#16

Thank you for sharing.


#17

I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved son. I read your blog and can’t believe the horrible treatment of you both in this age. It sounds like treatment from over 50 years ago. Sometimes I get upset with my daughter’s treatment, but compared to what your son has received, I feel for you so much. I have hope that my daughter will someday receive the help she needs but I fear the final outcome like that of your precious son.


#18

What a beautiful tribute to your son. You had a great life together and now you are trying to make sense of your loss. People like you will fight for the change the system needs to get our children the help they need. Best of luck on your next chapter to make a meaningful change in honor of your son. Your story needs to be told by each of us that are experiencing the lack of help for our children, maybe then they will listen. Thanks for sharing your story!


#19

How touching to read about the life of your son Oscar and your loving relationship with him. You made some excellent observations that I have also seen in the U.S. in regard to a lack of coordination among caregivers and resources to work together toward the good of the patient instead of just dispensing drugs after an appointment or conversation lasting only a few minutes. I am sad for the suffering. I personally believe that (the right) medications CAN play an important role in helping a person manage through the illness. But each person is unique and deserves to be treated as an individual and with respect, and certainly not without the involvement of those who love him and know him best. I applaud you for recording your thoughts and experiences and publicly declaring your love and your anger and frustration at (some, not all) systems and professionals that often fail those who they are intended to help. Thank you for being an advocate for change, as you honor Oscar, and as you help to bring about a better future for other Oscars and their families.


#20

So sorry about this great loss. In fact losing my brother is my great fear. Many times he tried to suicide, he had a very hard life under medication and in hospitals, the most bad is when doctors tied him up on a bed for 3 whole days, both legs and arms. I have many bad memories. At the moment im giving him much love and company and i like that he is sure he will never be alone. I think having siblings who love the person in disease is the most helpful. Oscar was such a handsom man. But this story that you have mentioned and my brothers story and each one story that im reading are inside my heart and as a pharmacist and inside pharma companies i will do my best for a better treatment and better hospitals. This is a goal in my life. Your story will always be in my heart giving me more effort to make better medications.


#21

I am sincerely sorry and sad for the loss of your precious boy Oscar . May you and your family get strength knowing that hearing Oscars story and his struggles to make sense of this crazy world has and will continue to make an impact on many people to come . Wishing you peace