for all those who may not know im 17 and my mom has schizophrenia and three years ago on the fourth of july she tried to commit suicide and i was the only one home so i was preparing for the bbq we were going to have and she was yelling at the walls like normal and i thought nothing of it but she came in the kitchen and grabbed a knife and headed to the bathroom and a few minutes later i though “mmm maybe i should check on that” so i walk in and she is holding the knife to her throat looking at herself in the mirror and saying goodbye so i had to force the knife out of her hand and call the police on her, it was so scary and i remember everything like yesterday. the way she looked at herself was weird i did not recognize the woman i saw thats the scariest part cause that was my mother. it was i think three years ago which is so weird cause every year i think ‘oh it was last year’ because i remember it so vividly. i dont know why im always so caught up on this every year, even when the fourth of july isnt anywhere near i still constantly think about it and i dont know why!
@rspan Reliving a traumatic experience is normal. What you experienced was horrific, but re-living it (remembering the date, where you were when it occurred, etc.) is a normal reaction to that terrible time. I suggest planning at least one special thing to do with someone else on the anniversary date of the event…something that would help to divert your mind from fixating on the trauma. Listen to some music or read a book you enjoy. And know that the “anniversary” date will pass. But you do need to deal with the trauma, and that is where counseling can help. Often, time will help heal those wounds, also.
Oh honey, I am so sorry that you go through this every year. Get some counseling. I just started with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a psychotherapy treatment that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences. See http://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/. perhaps it can be beneficial to you too. You are a wonderful person. You helped your mom when she couldn’t help herself. I wish you were close and I could give you a hug.
The other advice is good too- you need to treat yourself well. You didn’t cause her issues, you can’t change it (yet there is lots to do to help influence her getting help) and need to value yourself. Her path to wellness is different than yours.
Get help for you! You are a kid- don’t carry this forever forward with you. The mental health crisis hotlines are open for you too- call them especially around the 4th! Hugs to you!
I am so sorry you need to relive the experience.I wish there could always be a positive outcome that would erase those bad memories but I just have not seen it. You had a very traumatic experience that will not fade away any time soon. Continue to share with others and accept their support.
totally get where you are coming from. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this at all, but at such a young age even more so. I relive my husbands suicide attempt on it’s anniversary, every last day of February ( say this because it was actually over a 2 day span). I found him trying to carbon monoxide himself in the garage, I will NEVER forget it, after I stopped that one, he turned around and did it again. Neither was successful, but I still can’t walk through our kitchen at night without the light on, i put curtains in that window (didn’t have them at the time) and try not to loo out the window at all, our garage sits back of the house and I see the door, with the light on and I panic. You and I will live with our experiences forever, counseling has helped, reminded me and work through the fact that I couldn’t have predetermined what was going to happen, or could I then nor can I now completely stop it from happening. I want to give you a hug. Please do get some counseling, but this is something you will live with forever. It might get easier, but it will always be there. Make it a happy day, something to celebrate WITH the 4th of July pick a favorite firework or a favorite meal or food, and use it to remind you how lucky you are that you were there and successfully stopped it, I know it’s hard, I’m right there with you but together, that is why you have found us, we will both make it through those hard dates! Hugs sweeite! And bless you for keeping your mom safe!
I hope you are feeling better now that a few days have passed.
Knowing your triggers is really healthy.