Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Two siblings with schizophrenia

I am so angry with my mother who I blame for my brother and sister’s schizophrenia and my depression, drug/alcohol addiction and bulima.

what did your mom do to make you think that your siblings have schizophrenia because of her?

i could be wron maybe it was nothing to do witjh her I just want answers as to why all 3 mof my siblings including myself have mental health issues. She was abusive violently abusive, She used to beat us. To be honest there is mental health issues on both sides (mum and dad). I choose to believe that it was our upbringing that caused it because I hated her and choose that she was to blame. But my dad can not be blameless, He was distant, depressed, a chronic gambler and an alcoholic

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You can definitely, blame your parents abuse for severe mental health issues.
But from I understand about schizophrenia, it is dormant until it is not. For your siblings the trigger could have been your parents abuse. For you it is completely understandable that you are depressed and have drug and alcohol addiction. Who wouldn’t be with parents like that? Are you on medication for depression? Do you see a therapist? Some people should never have children. Your parents sound like those kind of people.

I think your going to have to do something really hard. And stop the blaming and start looking at your life now. It sounds like you can see whats going on and for you to ever be happy your self (just you) your going to have to take control of your own life. Just like your doing now reach out for people to help you. Maybe help you get away from your family and get help for your addiction problems right now you need to only think of your self and get yourself healthy mentally and physically. I know this may be one of the harder thing to do in your life but you need to do it. Once your in a good spot maybe you can help the others if you think its something you can do and still stay healthy your self.

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The most important thing I learned from years of therapy in my recovery is blaming people doesn’t get you well. Taking responsibility for managing your illness does. While it’s okay to feel anger—be it justified or not—what you do with that anger is the difference between victimhood and mental illness and recovery.

Schizophrenia is highly heritable, so either or both of your parents could be equally “responsible” for the genetics that made all of you. People with active mental illnesses don’t tend to make ideal parents, true. But there are plenty of people who were ideal parents, yet still their children fall ill. Some are on this forum. As well as children of people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses who are well.

Everyone has someone or something to blame; everyone has anger. Blame and anger on their own serve no purpose and can be a huge distraction to recovery. They can be powerful motivators and informers if well directed, however. I have two brothers with alcohol problems, an older brother with bipolar disorder and I later developed schizoaffective disorder. My parents definitely made mistakes and contributed to the genetics that made us. My brother blames a myriad of people including my parents for his lot in life; I choose not to. I’ve recovered; he hasn’t. I help with his caregiving along with my one well sister. Mental illness doesn’t care about your blame and anger, so why let it and them run your life?

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The past is gone, there is nothing you can do about it. Concentrate on the now.

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To me as a layperson, it does sound as if the abuse you endured certainly didn’t make things better and probably made them worse. Something similar happened in my family, where one of my parents constantly berated me, and the other enabled it by doing nothing about it. I’ve never suffered from schizophrenia, but for a long time even after leaving my parents’ home, I could hear the abusive parent’s voice in my head, undermining me at every turn. At some point, the voice disappeared, after I came to realize that my parents no longer had any power over my life. I love both of my parents, who, ironically, have come to depend upon me for various sorts of assistance, but have not forgotten my unhappy childhood. Not sure that I ever will. One good thing that came out of it was my determination to give my own children a happier upbringing, however.

I hope you will seek the advice of a therapist in dealing with your anger and resentment, as justifiable as those are.

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