Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Very depressed wonder if hes ok

He sent me a text Sunday night that our last fight…the things I said… were “ruining everything”. I had gotten very upset with him for coming home high on pills and kicked him out. I think his phone is dead.

The last time this happened was on a trip to Florida. He was off his meds and flipped out on me. Ended up doing a month in the state mental hospital. I dont remember how he got back in my life that time

I always take him back. And to him it’s like it never happened. Not sure he even remembers anything.

I’m just very sad and wonder if hes ok.

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My daughter was shooting pills, unfortunately it takes a hell of a lot of time and money to make this BAD scene work, I sent her off three months out of state in a dual purpose facility then shock treatment to fix her… He is a pill shooter move on… You got to simply forget it all ever happened… No, he dont remember shit…

Did it fix her? I dont know what to do anymore. I wish his dad would put him in rehab.

But even if he was in drug rehabilitation they would soon find out it’s more than drugs. It’s the sz and then I dont know what they might do.

I really am upset at how nonchalant his parents are acting. But may6they are sick of dealing with it. I think they thought I would fix him.

yes, it fixed her, watch vid at bottom, it takes big money and time many dont have

She is now happy married… I do supplement them big time… He has a good job, she will never be able to work because of SZ…

The video is black but I can hear it. Fascinating.

I get the feeling Jay is not willing me to get more help. Hes treating me terrible right now.

sure it is, all but a cig…

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OK, I will get personal with you to help you, you got to feed me data, I am analytical, age, location, job, income, assets, family???

I’m not sure the background on this post but it sounds like you are in a difficult relationship with somebody not properly medicated for their illness. It sounds like your are very full of emotions as anybody would be dealing with that. My heart goes out to you.

I am single and have been most of my adult life for a variety of reasons so I can’t identify with having a partner in that sense.

I do have an adult son, he is 36 and diagnosed with disorganized schizophrenia when he was 21. He lives with me. Things are good right now, he is very med compliant and his illness for the most part I would say is in remission and he is sober and cooperative.

When he was 21, things were very different. He was unmedicated, addicted to anything he could find to alter his mind, and constantly running away and up to no good. In short he was a nightmare.

I don’t have solutions for you sadly --I really wish I did. What I do have is what I have learned from the many years I have spent trying to save my son’s life and get him back to where he is today and maybe you can take something valuable away from that.

First thing I learned from my son these many years is that I can’t take anything he says personally. He loves me, but because if this illness his love doesn’t always look like I think it should, he will respond and react differently in many situations and there is never a normal that looks just like everyone else (there is really no such thing as normal anyway)

2nd important thing I learned from my son is to look at myself and my own behavior, it is a grand understatement to say that people who suffer from mental illness are very sensitive, they are that and often to the extreme. My son can pick up on my moods, my veiled remarks or sarcasm, my effort to try to hide my nerves, anger, sadness, frustration or anything at all.

My moods and behaviors will always effect him whether he or I want them to or not.
I had to go back to therapy for myself to deal better with him. I had to focus more on the state of my health in order to even be strong enough to support him. It was so hard. The hardest thing I have ever done. I saw the difference though, when I stopped letting him in on my every moody whim.
I learned to remain mellow and rational in his presence and if I couldn’t I would politely excuse myself and say “I need to go rest for a few minutes” and I’d go to my room and gather myself. It improved our lives profoundly.

3/ My son taught me to love him for who he is now not who I hope he can be someday. Neither of us will ever EVER fit society’s norms or expectations but because we fought so hard to get to a calm and sane place in life we can now develop a workable and even enjoyable living arrangement together. With this illness it is one day at a time and sometimes one hour at a time and you have to stay present in the here and now and you cannot ever cast blame, it does no good at all.

In order to get my son compliant I had to get full guardianship of him and take over his finances legally so he couldn’t buy drugs and had no resources to run away over and over again. He went through many many meds before settling on the current regiment he is on that actually works well.
His one experience with Abilify was terrible. He was on it for 2 weeks and it made him violent. He has never been violent except for then.

Having a spouse or significant other with MI is out of my wheelhouse but personally I would not be able to handle it regardless of how much I loved him or her. I would want to direct them to where they can get the help they need and then say I will be over here when you get back. That’s just me though. I also am looking at this as a mother with an ill son so I don’t know if I would feel different if I were just dating or married with no children. I know women often pigeon hole themselves into caretaker positions often because they feel they have no other choice. That was me with my son. He had no father to count on, not even grandparents, aunts, uncles or anyone else. I could not abandon him even though I was encouraged to countless times. I called him my labor of love. I was fortunate that my efforts paid off for us. I know from this forum that sadly the hardest of efforts often do not pay off. We all have to choose our own path. In the meantime we absolutely cannot forget to care for ourselves and continue to grow in our own knowledge and self awareness. I hope I have helped in some small way and if I haven’t I have done my best. Stay well.

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Jay is 41. I am 53. We’ve been together for 10 years. He was put on disability when he was 19. He was in special need classes in school. He got into drinking and drugs. When I met him he had a lengthy criminal record all related to drugs/drinking.

He has a mother who had enough and move away to another state. His father lives close by on some property he bought.

Jay has 2 younger brothers. Both alcohol and drug problems. One lives for free in a trailer on his dad’s property. The other is currently living in dad’s house that is for sale. Neither work.

Jay gets $600/month in disability. He pays his car insurance and cell phone bill.

Their dad has always taken care of them. I have gone through SO many break ups and reconciliations from his erratic and crazy behavior. He gets an Abilify injection once a month. And Vistiril for anxiety. He weighs 300+ and eats every 2 hours. He sleeps 75% of the time.

I got tired of living with a zombie. All he does is sleep and eat. It’s gotten worse lately because he got in a minor car wreck in February and called an ambulance chaser lawyer. Sent him to a pain clinic. Now he’s hooked on pain pills. Oxycodone, percocet, loritabs.

sigh

So that’s our story. Oh I work full time and own a home. I have a good job, car, house, etc. I’m sober 1 year. Me and him used to be soulmates but lately I feel like he doesn’t care.

When we met he was living in a RV in his dad’s driveway. He moved in with me but it has been rocky. He kept his diagnosis from me for a long time. He told me he had a mild case of Tourette’s syndrome. ?? But after awhile I found out it was PSZ.

@susan031367 thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you have been through a lot. I’m not sure about how well Abilify works in comparison to other drugs. Supposedly, clozapine is the gold standard and works really well but requires a lot of monitoring with blood tests. Another medicine I hear a lot about is Zyprexa. I might be spelling that wrong. Another popular one is Invega as it treats SZ and also treats mood components. If you notice he has low energy maybe he does need a med change and you can share that with him when the time is right. I have heard of someone people taking Abilify with Invega and getting good results.

As far as him being addicted to pain meds I thought doctors keep a tab on prescriptions and limit them. Maybe you can reach out to the doctor and tell them to stop prescribing the pain meds because he is addicted?? If he is in psychosis and not well he is probably losing his empathy and seemingly to not care. I would try not to take it personal how he acts when he isn’t well.

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Interesting, you have options… Tell him he has to go, move back before house is sold… you are still young… Find some young stud or two to work out your issues… works for me lol…

Well he is blowing me off right now. He keep telling me how much I hurt him. It’s all about him. Hes so freaking selfish. I’m over it. I really dont want to spend the rest of my life like this.

Thank you for sharing

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Somebody here once said a very wise thing.
They said we all have a line we draw. And when we finally hit that line, we walk.
Sounds like you may have already caught sight of your line in the sand and it’s right under your foot. You’ve made your choice. There’s no shame in taking care of yourself first and foremost. Do what you need to do to actuate your dreams for yourself and your future! Nobody can judge you for taking care of your own health first. That includes mental health. Have you tried talking to a therapist for yourself? Get a plan and set it in motion! Best of wishes for you…

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How old is your BF? My husband was diagnosed with bipolar after he was hooked on Crack Cocaine. He must have been coping for our first 5 yrs. In the meantime we had a beautiful daughter. His disease got worse. I had to make a decision for my daughter’s sake and separate from him. I had to be tough. He was told if he quick the drug, he could come back. He tried to come back several times, but I couldn’t give in (though I loved him dearly) It sounds like you need a reason to let go of him. He’s doing illegal drugs. You realize that if you’re around that you can go to jail too, especially if it’s in your home Give him an ultimatum and stick to it. If he uses, make him leave. If he won’t leave call the police. You will get over him by concentrating on the bad things in the relationship. If he can be sweet, stick firm. Mine was always sweetly trying to get with me. I wavered one time but never again. You will find love again and stay positive in your decision. Get out of the house each day. If you get depressed, turn on some great dance music and dance around the room. Be silly.
Read uplifting books. If it helps go to Al-anon. Most addictions move into mental illness and you could talk to others in similar situations and you help each other be strong. As far as his parents, they are probably relieved you’ve taken over. My daughter is addicted and has schizophrenic. It’s exhausting. Another thing. If you have him in your house doing illegal stuff, call the police. If he is arrested he will most likely be required to take rehab. I have tried to give you some good advice from my experiences. I hope it helps you. Good luck to you!

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Great advice. I think you were the member that helped me so much in my time of grief when my husband died and I lost my support with my daughter. Things are better now and thank you!

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Awe… it’s really good to hear things are better for you now. That made me smile a bit. Thank you! :pray:t3:
I’m searching now for the thread where the member I quoted is… the one with the actual wisdom… :wink: