Yes, sometimes there is blunted affect or low expression of emotions as symptoms of these illnesses. But I have heard the emotions are still present, just not expressed.
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@kathyw1981 Yes, it is very difficult to be the person that their illness focuses on in a negative manner. Its not your husband thatās doing it, its the illness focusing on you.
My husband has a hard time separating our son from his illness. Luckily for me, that has improved somewhat over the years. I get stressed out when my husband blames my son for his behaviors during psychosis.
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Hello there, while itās hard to know exactly what heās thinking, we can speculate that he may be hearing voices and heās responding with actions that we can only interpret when we know what the voices are saying. Voices can command them to do things, they can respond to his own thoughts or questions, which may explain why he said what he said.
Do not think too much of it though, as he may forget about it tomorrow. When schizophrenia sufferers are going through an episode of psychosis itās like a dream/nightmare while they are awake. Sometimes we do not remember all the dream or things that made sense in a dream may not make sense when we are awake.
Hope this helps a little. God bless!
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Wow - this is an amazing description of psychosis. I have been just sitting here taking that in - this is really eye opening to think about it this way. Thanks!!!
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I hope my husband donāt start blaming my son for things he didnāt do. I TOLD myself I would make that an indicator to leave. I donāt want my son to grow up living with a dad that I canāt even trust to watch him.
Yes, it has to be stressful because its stressful for me. If it was my son he was blaming we would be arguing all the time for sure.
Yeah, I do know he does not remember what he says nor does. I have told him 10 mins after he says something that he said it and he will argue with me that he DIDNāT say it. I try to remember that its not him its the disease and I try to remember he has no clue he said it or did it. Those days I have empathy for him.
Other days, I pitty myself. I shouldnāt have to put up with his behavior if there are solutions or care out there and he just denies the help.
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My husband (who doesnāt have scz) stresses me by being angry with my son when my son (who has scz) is psychotic.
For some reason, my husband canāt understand that my son isnāt doing these things on purpose, its the illness doing them, not my son.
My husband has made progress, he has referred to my sonās behavior while experiencing psychosis as āthe other guyā. I think that is the start of husband realizing that while psychotic, my son is a different person. At least he has moved off of thinking my son can control his scz.
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You do not look stupid for caring even when you are getting nothing in return. You are showing a compassion that is lacking in so many in the world today.
My son has sz. My mom, dementia. My husband generalized anxiety disorder. I remember all of them from a time before these diseases of the brain took over. There are days I think I deserve something better and fight not to shut down. Then I rememberā¦THEY deserve better too. And if it were me, would they stay for me? God, I hope so.
Some days are really awful but somewhere they know I will not leave them to suffer alone. Even when they working overtime to push me away.
Certainly life is not wonderful like some have it, but a rare smile or thank you from my son, moments when the old mom is back and admission from my husband he knows he is hard to live with remind me they love meā¦and this is spite of how sometimes I poorly react towards them! 
.
As long as the behavior does not put anyone else or themselves in harms way, we continue on this journey together. Rather a motely crew of mixed baggage, but family.
Stupid you are not. Caring you are.āYoda.
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Youāre welcome! Anything that can help us cope with our loved ones.
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I can relate with you totally. Weāve been entrusted with a tough journey where we learn daily about unconditional love. We give and give, sometimes we get nothing others a smileā¦ we learn to not take for granted those moments. This is a broken world, but my strength comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
May God bless you and give you His peace and strength to persevere my dear!
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I feel that way with family when they make broad statements such as āhe needs to get some helpā or āwhy would he do thatā or āyou should leaveā. I tell them you truely donāt understand do you. he donāt do these things on purpose. But then again there are times I pitty my situation and wish this all could go away.
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Well thank you. I have to remind myself sometimes I might feel like I have life pretty bad but then I have empathy for my husband and wonder how horrible he must feel deep inside. I imagine he feels like his true self is trapped deep inside and he canāt get out.
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Hey Kathy,
Just curious: does your husband do things w your son outside the house? Take him to sports he may be involved in, for example. My 6 year old nephews play soccer and T-ball (Little League for little ones). Iād hate to see your son miss out on such things.
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His lack of feelings toward you can also be that he is angry or uncomfortable around you since somewhere deep inside he knows you know there is something wrong. My husband is the same way toward me, no emotions, just flat, but with our son, he acts totally different. I think he thinks I am dissecting everything he says to me and heās right for the most part. I was always on edge around him waiting for the other shoe to drop. But his actions or words also warranted me to pay close attention to what he was doing or saying. And most of the time, the slightest hint that there could be something wrong was usually the beginning of psychosis. He used to tell me that I should have been a cop because of the way I used to question him. I used to tell him that I wouldnāt have to question him if he would just be up front about what he was thinkingā¦it sucked being on edge all of the time. As a matter of fact, when he first started his journey with SZ, he stopped showering and I had to move out of our bedroom because he smelled so bad and I did not want to smell like that and no matter how much I nudged him to shower, he wouldnāt. That is a classic sign of psychosis, total lack of hygieneā¦he would brush his teeth though. So the few times he would come out of the hospital, I would move back into the bedroom only to have to move out again and after a while, I got tired of moving and just said āthe hell with itā and slept in another room. I am sure that bothered him and damaged our marriage, but his lack of hygiene was too much to handle. Plus he was more psychotic than he was normal which made me feel uneasy sleeping in the same room with him especially since he seemed angry with me all of the time. And I could do no right in his eyes with our son. Every time I disciplined our son for talking back or whatever, he would undermine me and tell me that our son has had a hard life and that I shouldnāt come down on him for talking back to meā¦really? Well guess what, now that I donāt live with him anymore and when my son talks back to me, he gets disciplined by me taking away his computer for a night or a few days depending on the severity of his mouth. My son is a really good kid with a good heart, but I canāt let him think he can disrespect me and there be no consequences for his actions. My husband would just let it happen. Now if my husband were medicated, he would tell my son not to talk to him or me that way and he would get punished but in psychosis, everything was my fault. I can go on and on, but Iāll spare you! Three and a half years of dealing with this and my mother in laws dementia was more than I can handle and if that equates to me being weak, then so be it.
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My husband does not get outside the house AT ALL except cutting grass late almost dark and driving 3 hrs to see his family in which he stays in their house once we get there. While driving, he donāt get out to use the restroom or anything.
Inside the house, he will throw a sponge football with him or help him play video games. He shows him how to cook sometimes. Most of the time, my husband is aggregating my son (in play) and house play inside.
I put my son in football this year and was doing all of the running to practice. But my son wanted to quite so I let him. We wonāt try that again for at least 2 yrs since he quite. but I thought about other sports like Karate.
I am the one that takes my son EVERYWHERE. My husband even missed my sons 5th birthday because I had it in public. HIs 6th bday was at home with people. I plan to have another bday in public this Feb. I am 100% sure my husband will not go.
He has been enclosed behind 4 walls so long he is comfortable with it.
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NO weakness there. There is only so much we can take. My coworker tells me I am strong for what I am going through. I tell her āwe all appear strong on the outsideā.
My husband goes through the hygiene thing too. I just tell him he hasnāt taken a bath in some odd days and he takes one. Most time she takes a bath and puts the same clothes back on. I have to bring him new t-shirt and boxers etc. Then he gets the hint. I told him he canāt take a bath and STILL have dirty clothes. He still stinks heheheā¦
I donāt try to analyze him when he talks for the most part. But I think why he donāt trust me is when this all began I didnāt know how to talk to him. I didnāt even know what was wrong. I had to ask his doctor to tell me. So when he spoke of me doing something I would argue I didnāt do it. I still yet do this (if it pertains to me cheating or trying to plot against him). I canāt admit to something I didnāt do. So he donāt trust and never will now. Sad! The main factor in marriage besides love is ātrustā. And we donāt have either. I mean I love him but he says he donāt love me. So we donāt have either.
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Youāre a good mom! Even in ānormalā households, itās always the woman who shoulders most of the child rearing, right?
Itās nice that your hubby interacts w your son at home. It is sad that he wonāt leave the house. My husband would go days without leaving the house, and not showeringāuntil I insisted. I remember sitting in the bathroom w him and talking while he soaked in the tub. Believe it or not, thatās one of my sweetest memories of us when we were together.
Anyway, I know itās hard, but you are doing a great job balancing everything. Hugsš¹
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The strange behavior is part of the illness. My son walked around the house looking to his side as if someone was there. He ignored me but he talked to this non person. I could hear him in his room and all the noise, you would have thought he was having a party. He would go outside and carry on so loud, using vulgar language. Thank goodness my neighbors knew what was going on and didnāt call the police. Heās on medication and I thought it was helping, but is there any kind of help? I thought he was better, but he has started this uncontrollable laughter. he admitted he still hears voices and hallucinates some. The voices are angels and they are good. They keep him entertained. It worries me that one day he may hear bad voices.
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My son seems to enjoy his friendlier voices too, when he does hear negative voices he believes the closest real people are actually saying what he hears. Makes it difficult for him to be around other people.
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