yep, 21 + years with my sz wife, married 27, daughter 24 been sick 7 years, getting worse, much worse than my wife but in a completely different way, wife is/was a very intelligent woman, daughter is much more unpredictable, quite and dangerous… they take 4 or 5 different meds each, Saphris primary for wife Serequil for daughter, The meds only help some… I dare not ever take her pic or vid as it could be my last…
OK I understand that you want to maintain some anonymity. I am just curious about where people are from, and how treatments, perceptions of mi vary.
I am in NY, and we have a lot of excellent hospitals here. I tried to get my ex to see a psychiatrist at Columbia/NY Presbyterian who I thought was excellent. Smart and kind to his patients, too, but we were living in NJ at the time, and he didn’t want to have to travel for psych appointments. Although I think it might have been worth iit. We went through too many bad psych doctors that had offices close by.
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Look up anosognosia. It is a condition which hinders many to not know they are sick. A book that really helped me a lot is “I am not sick I don’t need help!” by Xavier Amador, PhD. If you don’t want to buy it go on you tube and check out the videos, they can help too! It is a very frustrating illness to deal with and any and all help helps a lot.
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The longer they go without medication, the worse they get and the more psychotic episodes they have the worse they get. If you have to get a medical court order to have her picked up and taken to the hospital. Do it. I have done it to my daughter several times, and so what it makes her mad. At least when she gets back on medication she is better. I’m going to work my hardest to make sure she does not relapse again, because it becomes harder and harder to get them back to a baseline. oh and don’t expect them to remember what they said and did. This illness is too difficult to deal with without having help. I am working on getting my daughter on the Invega shot that lasts 3 months, right now she is on the monthly one. good luck I hope you can get he on medication.
Ginger,
Look up anosognosia. It is a condition which hinders many to not know they are sick. A book that really helped me a lot is “I am not sick I don’t need help!” by Xavier Amador, PhD. If you don’t want to buy it go on YOU TUBE the author and name of the book and check out the videos, they can help too! It is a very frustrating illness to deal with and any and all help helps a lot.
Wow, the implanting of a chip is a big issue here too. It makes it really tough to disagree it happened, because it could happen. Lost count the number of discussions this month in which that topic resurfaced. I suspect this topic will not go away anytime soon, but I think he is convinced it he has one, I did not do it. But who knows…
Whatever you do, and this comes from experience, don’t wait too long before you get him help. The first and second time I had to make the phone call for the county psychiatric team to come to the house to evaluate my husband, I waited entirely too long. I mean, both times, he was completely out of his mind. For me, that phone call was difficult to make because I knew he would see me as a “traitor” and not on his side when it was the exact opposite, but unfortunately, they never see it that way. The second time I called, it took him nearly 5 months and three hospitals to come back to reality. I know even now that I have separated from him, he has no understanding as to why. He doesn’t understand that I had to put my son first and that he was becoming a danger to my sons well being by the trouble he was bringing on to himself. I cannot risk having child services come to my house again, it would be devastating! He just views me as someone who has turned their back on him in his time of need, which completely upsets me because I still love him, I just can’t live with him until he gets his life together, admits there is a problem and be vigilant about his mental health. Right now, that seems impossible given what is going on with him. I am going to try my best thru the court system to get him out of that jail and into a hospital. I am going to write a letter to the judge explaining the history of his illness and maybe that will help…I don’t know, it’s worth a try.
I am too scared to call and make the first step. If I call or try to get him involuntary help, that will be the end of our marriage. He will ask me to leave for sure. and I don’t want to hurt my 6 yr olds feelings. He loves his daddy; very close to him. I will prob end up waiting til its way to late and too extreme and just leave with my son. If it affects my son I will leave too.
We are only human and can only take so much. Thank God you have an outlet or you would have cracked by now. 20 years is a long time to deal with all of that stress and frankly, I don’t know how you do it, but your family is lucky to have you.
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Yes, he brings up the same topics every month. Chip in head, cheating, untruthful. He asks questions “why” I am doing blah blah…simple things. Like why did you bring that bag to the kitchen? Why did you sweep like that? etc.
Yes I read the book. It didn’t help me as much because it shows how to talk to someone with SZ. But it pretty much wants me to say “I am sorry you feel that way but…”. To me that would be admitting something I didn’t do; like cheat. I just can’t do that.
Maybe this for communication: How to Respond in a Helpful Manner to a person with disturbing beliefs
I have said things like, no I am not trying to kill you. I would never hurt you. I love you. There are a handful of delusions that do not allow me to “agree to disagree.”
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I think sometimes they just want their feelings to be acknowledged. Since it is real to my son, I am okay with saying "that must have scared, hurt, saddened, frightened - (whatever) you.
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Well they all say that they hate us and want to divorce us. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that when he was in the hospital before the meds kicked in and started working. I am not sure what particular incident has to happen before you decide to leave or make that call for help…I put up with a lot but it was my son’s well being that made me separate. He was living in a hotel room 7 months as my sister in law kicked him out of the house and during that time I had time to re-evaluate my life. So we were not living together when I made that decision to separate which probably made it easier for me.
I was scared out of my mind to make that first call for the same reasons you are scared. He was to the point where he was screaming at me one morning that we had to move and move now because someone was coming for us. He was in complete distress. Along with that morning, he heard a helicopter over the house and thought it was the government coming to put us in witness protection. He walked out the door in the middle of January, short sleeves, cold as hell and followed that helicopter on foot. He didn’t come back for a few hours. I decided then and there that I could not witness the fear, anxiety, and paranoia he was going thru any longer and I made that call. When the police arrived at the house he was glad they were there because he thought they came there to protect us. When he figured out I called the mobile psychiatric team, that’s when he got mad because I didn’t believe him.
The second time I called, I was scared as well. He was extreme to the point he would not touch anything “pink” and therefore, didn’t eat for like 5-7 days. I offered to get him take-out and he refused telling me that the food prep people probably had their hands in “pink” stuff all day. Every person had a color that represented who they were and what group they belonged to…He was pink and he thought it represented the “outcast” of society and he was afraid our son would turn pink. Again, I waited too long and on that trip and he didn’t come back for 5 months. When the mobile team came to the house, he of course, denied everything, but they believed me and everything I told them. Again, he was angry but settled down when the meds kicked in.
You can’t be afraid of how mad he is going to be, he’ll get over it. After all, it is for his benefit that you are calling to get him help. The decision to call and the decision to leave are both difficult ones to make, but either way, you will end up having to make that call. The sooner the better is what I learned from my experience.
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Yep. The variations of my involvement of covering up something done to him is one I do disagree with but add I am sorry you think I could do that to you. Then just leave it alone.
I think it is important though we not spend a lot of time or energy trying to validate we are right and try to get them to admit they are wrong.
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Yes, I do sometimes say things to prove I am right OR i just say whatever or I am not doing this today. He thinks those words mean I am guilty though.
He does not express what he is thinking a lot because he don’t trust me. But sometimes he is in a mood and does reveal things. It is then I get to use wording as “oh really, that is tough” etc. Most times though he is blaming me of things and I don’t handle the situation good most times.
He also tells his mom things and I have let her know hey don’t disagree with him but don’t agree either.
There was a brochure sent to our home as an invite to the church. He held it in his pocket for a while (prob hid it now). He told his mom those people in the picture was out to harm him.
He tells her things but not me mostly. Just blames me.
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I don’t know when I will ever call for help. I can’t do it right now though. The only way I know I would call and not care how he felt about it was if my child was in danger because of him. Or me.
Once I call, I don’t see us together any longer. My son will lose his daddy.
My husband already said we are not married. And he won’t even let me touch him. I can’t hold his hand or touch is face. He jumps away. I can’t even kiss him. I just sit there and take care of him and support him. That i look stupid for, i know.
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My husband shows no emotion/feelings. I ask does he want me to watch a movie with him or talk to him etc. He says no. Kinda hurts my feelings.
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I am so sorry he hurts your feelings. Since he doesn’t show any feeling or emotions, he really doesn’t give you anything to empathize with does he? Do you think he still has feelings?
You don’t look stupid for staying, its your decision to make.
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The only feelings I see him express would be with our son. He will aggravate him (tickling etc) which to my husband that is emotion or expression. The other time is when his mother seemed to be having a break down because her job is so horrible, my husband actually seemed concerned and saw about her.
Feelings towards me and how I feel or how my day went, not so much. Its a cold heart towards me. He says he CARES about me…as a human being you know. But not love me.He SAYS he cares, not actions to show that of course.
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