Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Well my bf is here for a visit and all my son talked about


#1

Well my Bf is here for a visit after my son asked me not to go out for the evening, Last night we were spending time watching tv and talking and my son started talking about he needed his own space, Hey mom why don’t you sell the house and buy a trailer for you and one for me so I can live behind you in my own place… I told him no my house was paided for and was not going to do that but if he needed his own place we would look for him a place( mind you he is scared to leave the house most of the time) I am not going in to the hud program and live close to drug dealers and violence ,Ok then he started asking stuff like what would happen if the house burnt down I told him we would be homeless, what about our neighbor he got a new place after the fire.I said they had to take out a loan, My bf friend spoke up and said don’t wish for something like to happen and he told him how can you ask your mother to sell her home so you can live in the same yard, her husband made sure she would have a home and not worry about that. My son said yea you are right, but no woman will come to see me when I live with my mother, I said when you are ready we will look for you an apartment…Then he went on to say I have not had sex in 2 years hell don’t know if it works, I was so embarrassed he never talks to me about that stuff, Then he said I have gained 70 lbs and can’t loose it, I said well you have to get out to the gym that he joined last month and have never been, My bf said well what ever it is you are looking for you will never find it or get it by staying home…My son said I know you are right, then it kinda went to something else like I never have anyone to talk to and I am here alone, I said it is your choice to stay in the house and not get out he said well people are talking about him …whew it was a long night but at least he did not get mad and go to his room, so day two might be better… lets hope so… thanks for letting me vent here


#2

My son has limited understanding of finances. He knows that I have credit so for him it’s there to be spent. Trying to explain interest rates etc… He is starting to learn it when his own bank account goes into the negative and the bank charges him interest. My son also talks about weight gain although he had minimal weight gain and it is now gone now that he is eating healthier. We all tell him to get out and do some exercising. His response is that he is in perfect shape… I find that he contradicts himself a lot. He may want certain things but the in-between part of accomplishing them is still uncharted territory.

Your son is talking to you about things. A really good sign. I can’t say I always appreciate the topics my son and I discuss but I try to be as open to them as I can be.


#3

I don’t see this as a vent. It’s good that your son was holding a logical conversation. I do know I might have embarrassed my family for just saying the thoughts in my head as they tumbled by. I have found myself admitting all manner of TMI at family dinners. I had to say it while it was still in my head. Otherwise, it will be gone forever as the racing thoughts race by.

But at least he’s talking about stuff.

Please don’t be embarrassed when he talks about stuff like this. Sexual side affects of meds are sometimes a reason someone will decide to never take their meds again. So if he does start mentioning it a lot… it could be his way of telling you… hey guess what I’ve decided to stop doing… (no more meds for me) I don’t want to scare you on that one… he could just be opening up a bit too.

For a while I lived in an big silver 1950’s airstream trailer in my parents back yard. They bought it from our Aunt who wasn’t using it any more and had it sort of cleaned up and redone. They still have it. Now it’s sort of the “guest house” during family holidays. It’s really sort of nice in there.

Just an idea.


#4

thanks for your input you have no idea how much you have helped me to understand this illness…bless you


#5

Well today was a great day we all worked in the yard yes he came outside and raked and rode the lawn mower, Had pizza and watched some of the race…so I mark this as a great day for us all…


#6

Maybe your son could get a befriender to go to the gym or other places. It would make it easier for him to start getting out of the house. And give him a social contact.


#7

befriender? what is that he has no friends here his job was a truck driver so that made it hard to make friends because he was never home


#8

A befriender is a volunteer who would do things/go places with your son. 2-4 times a month. Good way to get introduced to doing things, such as the gym or whatever your son might want to do.


#9

where do you get a befriender from, I have never heard of that before


#10

I don’t know. I’ve only heard of them. I looked it up. There is an international organization that provides suicide help + there are a lot of ministries. Those aren’t the ones you want. There are others that provide companionship and help getting out of the house or into the community. That’s what you want.

Call your local NAMI. Or a case or social worker connected to your son’s treatment team. They should have them in a good-size city + other areas too.


#11

My son is part of a program called PACT. They have nurses and social workers. I think they do outings every Monday and group sessions on Wednesday. Currently trying to talk my son into attending them.


#12

What I’m thinking about doesn’t involve any kind of therapy. It’s more like having a volunteer friend - possibly more acceptable to someone your son’s age.


#13

thanks I will tomorrow we have an appointment and will discuss that I did not know he has a social worker but will check on that .he is wanting to talk about assisted living he is so worried what if something happens to you who will care for me…sad but that’s what he is talking about now…


#14

Find out if you have anything like PACT or ACT in your area. One of the reasons I am so happy they are on board is because if anything happens to me then I know that they can step in and help my son with pretty much everything. They can see him twice a day if needed and administer medications. They will take him back and forth to school, to the pharmacy, to the doctor. There is also a program in my area called Ready4Life and they can help with transitioning to independent living when the time comes.