Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

What can i do to support my mum... carer to a severe ptsd. psychotic and alcoholic daughter

#1

There are just no words to describe how unwell my sister is.
There are no words for how my mum no longer copes
She is in the worst panic state where she is dredging up old vestiges of her former self in an attempt to appear normal
In other words she is acting
Extremely odd aristocratic tone of voice if that explains it
She is 76 and victim of daily worst hateful elder abuse on a daily basis
This relationship of them living together has been 6 yrs of deteriorating
I am going to al anon tonight first time in a long time
Mum cant bring herself to go to her lunchtime meeting which has briefly helpd in the past

I am unhealthyly obsessed and have stopped thinkjng about anything else
My schizophrenia is in remission but im sitting in one place- worrying and binge eating so going al anon

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#2

I think going to al anon is a good decision. There are a lot of difficult lifestyle changes to be made when you realize your environment isn’t as good as it should be, or isn’t bringing out the best in yourself and the people closest to you.
Don’t wait for things to magically become better, get involved and start building a daily routine (including the therapy you are seeking to gain from al anon ajd any other sources you need). Big changes take consistent effort over time.

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#3

Thanks you make good points
don’t want to be negative but starting over from episodes of schizophrenia were more manageable…
Today ive been out in the woods with mum and will go al anon this evening
Having schizophrenia means i will only recover to my best ability
I won’t be a teacher or nurse
Just find other things to do so that i surround myself with a solution to just fear and worry have less to worry about talk about other things
My mum said this afternoon that i have to stay away from her for my sanity
Not go round, not visit, she can visit me when i move
I think she meant in the short term

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#4

You have the ability to create a more positive, fulfilling and safe environment around yourself.
You mentioned having bigger dreams, but not feeling like they are within reach for you. That’s a really common situation for just about everyone. Reminding ourselves of those kinds of dreams helps provide a way to focus our efforts and get good results from our day-to-day.
But it can also feel daunting.

Break your goals down into smaller and smaller chunks until you can start to measure progress in months, weeks and (eventually, with lots of practice) days.
This kind of perspective represents a lot of fundamental changes in how you view yourself, as well as how you structure your daily life.
It isn’t easy, and a lot of it requires giving yourself easy goals to start with (such as going to al anon at scheduled times, just like you’re already planning).
Feeling better about yourself, your life and the people around you is absolutely worth while!
You deserve happiness, peace of mind, safety and to be surrounded by people who care about you.
Those are things that take focused effort to cultivate and are worth every ounce of it!

Avoid setting up “mental barriers” for yourself.
Rather than making up a list of things you can’t do, try to expand the list of things you -can- do. Seek out all the help you can get! Because you deserve all of the same opportunities and all the same good things as everyone else.

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#5

Thank you
I will reply more x
It means a lot

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#6

Thanks for your healing words
I think your suggestion for positivity is a good one.
I slept a lot this afternoon, woke up a lot better than i have felt in days
even my talk with mum was less negative than it would previously have been
the al anon meeting is amazing
it is 30 min drive from where mum lives and I will in a month be living 15 min drive further on
so it will be in the middle and we can meet Monday evenings sometimes

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#7

Glad to hear you are making progress on taking care of yourself.
I hope you keep finding more and newer motivation to stay actively engaged in your healing and maintenance.
It’s rarely glamorous or epic, but it is absolutely necessary. The good things you hope for are only possible through this kind of consistent effort. Fortunately, it gets easier over time.
The more progress you make, the better you feel about yourself and your circumstances. The better you feel, the easier new changes to meet new goals become.
I think of it like stacking up the dominos, where the big achievements are like finally getting to flick the first domino in the chain. It feels like it takes a long time to get it all set up, but exciting parts later on are totally worth it!

If you want to, you could come back here and post updates. I’m certain that the community would be happy to continue to read your thoughts. And I’m always interested in hearing from people who are working to make things better.
Even if you just need to vent sometimes.

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#8

Thanks so much again
Updating you guys sounds good.
Today i went to visit my newly widowed mother in law with husband and mums dog in tow
Now on bus home he is working 3x night shift.
He is a real bore after not enough sleep so will be getting around doing little things
A lunch out with mum
Maybe a walk with sister

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#9

It might seem mundane, but all that sounds like really positive things. I think spending time catching up with family is super important, as long as you find that it provides the kind of support and fulfilment you need.

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#10

I dont know anyone else or ‘get out’ for anything else!

My friends have been a train wreck of mixed bag dump after 3 or 6 months and then my mum was hit by a car infront of me last May.
Her leg was dangling off above the ankle
Reset operation
A further fall with bruised ribs
DVT and pulmonary embolism
And suffering largely unsupported carer duties all her life

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#11

That sounds like a lot of really difficult stuff.
I wouldn’t blame you if you felt like you had some issues to work through.
Have you thought about talking to a therapist?

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#12

Some people will never have to deal with the reality of mental illness either personally or within family. However some like me and yourself have been given this challenge. This means vthere are many people out there going through the same challenge. Join groups either online or offline and share your challenge, give people who are coping even less than you some encouragement. Get encouragement from others taking on this challenge, like on this forum. Share your experiences good and bad. This is a different life than most people but a life nonetheless. So do not doubt that others suffer as you do. But also others are there for you too. X.

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