@Mrsbigsky what was it like living with your mom cycling on and off meds? How did it effect your childhood? I’m asking because I have a child and I wonder how their father having this illness will impact their life.
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Hello Diane, I’m not a specialist to be giving advice sorry but I understand what you are going through.
Suicide is one of the fears I have had with my son. Also the ongoing depression he disclosed because his life is not the same. Mainly saying he has no friends and is over weight, as well the long hospital stay. Isolation is the worst situation and the feeling of loss of self and loneliness, these are the 3 things we need to help with. From what I know about suicidal thoughts is that it needs to be taken seriously. Don’t avoid the conversation, there is nothing wrong with starting the conversation by asking him if he feels like ending his life or you can ask him if he is still feeling like ending it all. Let him talk and try to understand and talk back. Try to relax when talking with him, open the conversation up and let him speak about how he feels snout his life, about his situation. Ask him what might help? I have heard it helps if you ask if they have made any plans to go a head with suicide. Ask what you and him could do to make life better. Perhaps you could help make some plans for him to get out and do something he likes doing or liked doing in the past. He might not have a lot of energy for much and could be hard to get started. But keep trying very gently in smallest amount of doing something. It doesn’t happen straight away, it takes a while to bring people back from feeling low. I would let others who are working with him know about his thoughts, they maybe able to help or at least be aware. It is a struggle being in care homes or hospitals and under doctors orders to take medication, life can feel robbed of you. He could be sick of not having his own life and the people looking after him feeling like you can’t live your life because you have doctors, nurses, carers all consuming your life, it is all is quite confining. I go into the mental health wards and find people who have been there a while, they are tired of not having their own life, they feel their life is taken from them on top of having schizophrenia. Personally, m I have tried my best to get my son doing things he once liked doing. It was a very slow process and now after 2 years he can spend 3 hours 3 times a week playing golf. He doesn’t do it by himself, he needed someone to spend the time with him to do it. He has resistant schizophrenia and I will always have the challenges of things changing anytime. It is tiring trying to keep them alive and difficult to find the support. You could try and find support from someone that works with your son, tell them your concerns. Is there someone that will spend time with your son that can assist in him having a bit more life? I’m sorry I’m not sure if I can be of any assistance but wanted you to know that you are not alone. Please continue to reply here. I found this platform a great start towards me understanding how to manage being my son’s support. Continue to be compassionate towards him. Sending you and your son love
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I think it was something I accepted at a young age. The truth is it was tough because it seemed she always got sick around important events in my life due to stress (my first communion, my high school graduation, etc.) But I never held resentment because I knew she couldn’t help it. I think looking back the hardest part was not having a mom during my older growing years like my 20s when I was looking to learn about the world and how to be a mother myself. But I figured it out and I think I’m doing alright. I had mentors which helped but do not replace a parent. There is a really good book called Soul Healing by Dr. Tammy Smith. In that book she talks about the different stages of a child and their development and what happens when a parent is absent. Your child will learn to adapt and it will be okay. Not without struggle, but with your help and help of others healing will be possible. If you ever want to email me with more questions my email is mrsbigsky@gmail.com.
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This was a beautiful post! I’m proud of you for getting the bike and taking time to see the small things in life that give you joy like the birds and the sprouts. There is a lot of sadness happening in the world right now, that we don’t have a lot of control over. So it’s good to do what you can and stay positive. Take care of yourself and share with us some more positive discoveries you’re making. I love it.
Help, I dont want to take care of my stepson anymore. I know this sounds mean and I’m sorry.
I’ve been living on a high for the last year while he has been in jail and at the state mental hospital. My biggest fear was him calling us again. I honestly don’t want to take care of him anymore. Being is step mom is hard. We tried so hard for the last 15 years. He is 34 and acts like a rebellious teenager. He steals from us and anyone, he wants to watch porn all day and night. Has anyone ever gone through and how did you survive? I’m about to go crazy.
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I used to participate in something called SMART at one time. It has all its foundation in Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). It focuses on identifying irrational and recurring or perpetual negative thoughts and beliefs first, then taking steps to mitigate them and change ones thinking, hence ones perspective, and be able to actuate clearer, coherent positive decision making and action. A lot of it is what a number of folks would naturally do to a degree, but there are a lot who can’t. The program has been implemented successfully with drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders, sexual or other compulsive disorders, smoking, anxiety and depressive disorders, among others.
Part of that what has stuck with me was, every opening of every meeting we talked about what each of us did that week INSTEAD of feeding into our negatives once we had identified that we were ourselves getting caught up in our negative thought patterns or irrational thinking.
Thus, find the alternative, actuate on it, inherently bringing on more positive focus.
Does anybody else here have any examples of what they chose to do INSEAD? When they found themselves sinking?..
There’s all kinds of answers I’ve heard. From going to the gym or taking a walk on the beach with their dog or taking a motorcycle or bike ride, painting a picture, replacing the starter in the truck, to doing their dishes. (Hey, I don’t judge. Whatever works for you! Balance the check book…? 
) Whatever it is, please share!
My son, at age 38, is losing his ability to read and write for increasingly longer periods thruout the day. He lives with me, is med compliant, and is striving very hard toWard “recovery”(his words). He is a writer, was able to get quarter way thru graduate school in writing, before having to drop out. He has written short stories , poems, and novels, and LOVES to read. He is so despondent and frustrated And angry when unable to read…feels someone is doing this purposely, someone who doesn’t want him to write…I have trouble understanding this loss and helping him deal with it.
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Hi @Dolor My son had to drop out of school for a while due to not being able to read or write also. He is an English major. His doctor said he was experiencing a type of tardive dyskinesia due to the medication he was on. He first gave him some medication to relieve it but that didn’t work so he changed his antipsychotic medication and this side effect diminished.
It was VERY distressing for my son and he was almost suicidal when he experiencds this loss of the inability too read and write. I hope your son will talk to his Dr about his loss and they can help him solve this problem.
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@stone Doesnt sound mean at all. What would happen if you didnt take care of him this time?
Thinking about his future is worrying us, the biggest issue we’re facing now is although my brother takes Clozapine along with other medications, but he still gets delusional especially at night, convincing him to stick with meds is really hard he still thinks that a man controlling his life. Yesterday he broke my heart he said I think this man will make me die young 
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If I don’t take care of him here are things that could happen; he could track me down and show up on my door step; he’ll end up homeless and then who knows;
he probably will end up in jail again or the mental hospital.
If I do take care of him again; I’ll get stressed out to the max; He might or might not take meds; When he is with us he resorts to being a rebellious teenager and I loose years on my life; He’ll steal from us;
This is the saddest and most heartbreaking thing to go through and watch a once normal person and what they have become. He is not suicidal. I just need to vent to others who been in this type of situation. I really am scared of him.
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My son was at his worst in his early 30’s. While I would like to think that maybe he is heading into the residual stage now that he is in his late 30’s. They told us at Family to Family that we wouldn’t know for sure they were in the residual stage until about 5 years after it had started.
I’m sorry, scz always leaves us choosing between rocks and hard places when making decisions.
Remind me, has he been physically violent?
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My daughter is the same way. She’s been home from the hospital for 3 days and I just need her to live somewhere else! She’s driving me crazy.
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I am so sorry you are in this situation. I have been in the position of having to make decisions based on what is best for others rather than only focusing on the sick individual. At some point I had to recognize that I could not ‘save’ them, but I could ‘save’ the rest of us from being destroyed by their actions. They eventually ended up on the street, then hospitalized by authorities and currently are more or less stable. Meanwhile, my marriage, relationship with other family members and mental health have been stressed, but not broken.
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Thank you somehow just hearing your comments help. Right now his brother has gotten him in a treatment facility for a week. His brother judge us for not taking care of the six and he now understands.
I feel we have been judged and rejected by family members, neighbors, people in general and until a person actually is the caretaker there is no understanding of how it destroys.
I know…if you’re not physically doing something for them, you are thinking about what you can or should do for them.
Why can’t we get help for this illness? Why do we have to jump through hoops—and still not get treatment so desperately needed??
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You are not alone…a lot of family members will help when it’s an accident etc…
A woman from my NAMI group has 2 sons.
One had a car accident and ended up unable to walk. Her family was there all the way. Her other son has sz and can’t get the time of day.
We live with broken 
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Thank you, Mojoclay. He is trying to talk to his doc about it, and has a recent med addition to his “cocktail”, which worked for a couple of days, but has stopped. I haven’t found any info that links these episodes of reading problems with some form of tardive dyskinesia, which I’ve always thought of as more of a motor problem. But glad to hear your son has improved.
My son was just diagnosed at age 19. They said he has psychosis because of smoking so much THC. He was on three medicines that didn’t work. The problem is he hears the voices that are so mean to him. I told him talk to God he is stronger and can do anything. I also told him when you hear the voices don’t listen to what they say just let them sound like a nose and tune them out. Easier said then done. I can’t imagine what he goes through this breaks my heart. I have to keep putting him on different medicines to see if they work, so far none have, but if he is having a bad day I have loraxapam to calm him down. I think I spelled that wrong. lol