Hello,
Soon my bf should come visit me ( if he doesn’t change his mind last minute, it’s a possibility).
I think that now after one year it’s time to discuss if he wants to keep being in this relationship or not.
I would like to be together. He told me the same some months ago. And lately he seemed like keen to come but I think now he changed his mind. But he doesn’t want to lose his pension nor his social housing but at the same time he doesn’t want to stay there it seems. He went to visit this female friend he knows since many years in a city and didn’t call me for 3 days, then he called me when he went back and “blamed” me because he didn’t call…with something like “I could have but you like long phone calls” and then he told me he checked the prices of apartments there ( while he didn’t check anything in this year to find a place for us or at least for him whete I could go even though he told ke he would have).
Yesterday after the phone call he wrote me I hope you’re not sad. I said that sometimes I am ( it’s all the time actually) and he said he is too. I tried to explain that i feel lonely and isolated like covid times and he said he is sad that I’m lonely and he said he is sorry that he makes me sad and he doesn’t want me to feel isolated.
I don’t know why he thinks he makes me sad, I’m very happy when we are together. What makes me sad is just this choice he took to be far away and privileging money and that he is seeing more the people that didn’t help him while he was homeless and I’m the one pushed away.
Anyway I’m also surprised he realizes only now I could feel lonely and that i am isolated ( apart from my family) because I’m living in this place i bought for us and i don’t know anyone here and he left.
At some point felt like he was talking to a friend more than to his girlfriend.
Anyway, I would like to understand how can I communicate efficiently with him when he’s here about the situation.
I tried before but he always replied with vague answers and also told me that these kind of discussions are too long.
But I need to understand at least his feelings toward the relationship toward me.
I’ll never get an answer if he wants to come here or wants to stay there, although in a way seems pretty clear to me. I don’t have schizophrenia but I wouldn’t have abandoned my love to some state money.
Anyway you have more experience than me about talking with people with sz…i know there is this leap method but seems more for facing their illness rather then other topics.
Is there a way that doesn’t upset him with which I can try to discuss a complex matter as the future of a relationship?
I think that despite being a sz he had in his mind a plan afterall and now I’m under the impression he’s trying to recreate the past and I’m out of it because i live in another country.
It happened many times that when we were together he was regretting the past as if the present together was terrible.
As I said before i can wait knowing that the other person wants to be together too. But if he doesn’t I’m wondering what I’m doing then and also why he keeps in contact complaining also that he doesn’t want the distance ( that he put between us, not me. He didn’t even asked my feelings about it, he just left).
Once he was talking to me and said “if i decide to leave you later you’ll complain you’ll waited all this time”
I don’t understand why he always talks about break up while at least on my side there is no sign of this intention. Someone who wants to be in a relationship doesn’t talk so much about breaking up…
I’m so confused and sad…