Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

When do we stop cleaning up the mess they leave behind


#1

My son went off his meds again and this time he decided to spray paint a gas station that he was contracted to paint . He sprayed painted red white and blue all over then to make some kind of polical statement walked away from the job. Not sure what will happen when they catch up to him. My first instinct is to get ahold of the gas station and try to repaint it before charges are filed. But this is what we are constantly doing. Is there a time you just need to stop and let them deal with the outcome of their illness and not taking meds- my heart is so heavy. Here we go again. God give us all strength to help and find answers for our loved ones.


#2

I think it’s fine to let it catch up with him. Because he doesn’t know what he’s doing, if people keep delaying the so-called “natural consequences,” which are actually social in nature, he will not learn that his actions have effects. He might not learn anyway, but this is his mess, not yours. Let yourself be a good parent and love him and support him in the ways you can.

If he can’t deal with this, which he probably can’t, just be there for him.

Also, at least wait until he asks you for help. Then he knows he has someone on his side instead of a fairy godmother.


#3

Great advice ! Thank you


#4

Absolutly no interveneing.My questions: is that the color scheme he was supposed to do? Do it look bad? is it ugly? Why would you think he’d get in trouble by the police? Did he get pre-payment for the job? If not, worse case I’m thinking he won’t get paid…hmmmm, not a bad result.
Don’t know though since I haven’t seen the paint job.

I would NOT fix this problem…consider being uninformed and reflect responsibility back.
Something like: really? It didn’t turn out right? Well, I know you very well and I’m sure YOU can get this figured out. keep me posted on that. I know you have this figured out.

Done


#5

Thanks so much for your input!


#6

Not being aware of the consequences of their actions seems to be a common symptom. Very often they get themselves into financial trouble or problems with their employer after taking time off or being late for work. This is another example I think.