Wife in psychosis

Family
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So my wife and I have been together 7 years, the first 3 and a half years of our relationship we were doing long distance and talking every day as well as visiting each other once or twice a year, she was living in Chile me in Upstate New York.
A few months before our 2nd anniversary we had decided we wanted to close the distance and we’d do the fiancée visa. It was a long process especially with the pandemic but we married in August 2021. We lived in New York and I was supporting the both of us driving buses as she couldn’t work initially and when she got her work permit she couldn’t get out unless I brought her as where we lived there was no public transport, so I’d have to bring her places and I even brought her on my buses but my schedule changed a lot so she couldn’t commit to a job.
We decided in 2023 to move to Pittsburgh as it’s more affordable and the public transit is more reliable than upstate NY.
Things were going alright, however in 2024 she was getting sick of the low paying jobs she was doing as well as how much she was working and she didn’t like the work environments she was dealing with. She said she wanted to leave the US but didn’t want to move back to Chile permanently. I grew up in Ireland so I have dual Irish/US citizenship. So we decided we’ll move to Ireland as I already know people here and have places to stay if needed then we started planning. She was excited and fully with the plan to move to Ireland. However I would have to go to Ireland initially for a few months to establish wn income in order for her to move here. Also a note is that during all this time we were getting on well and took care of each other.
However during the last few months in the US she did start acting weird. She would claim that she was able to speak with her dead ancestors, that she was being followed and was hearing voices. She also got a little too interested in Tarot cards to the point where she’d stay up late reading them. I was working long hours and I’d tell her to go to bed to make sure she gets enough sleep but some days she’d still be reading them. She also got into things like doing a reading about someone by cracking a raw egg into a jar of water.
She also started saying that one of her aunts and her cousins were plotting against her.
Two months before the move she had told me that a voice told her to leave me, but she stopped herself as she knew she loved me. I was admittedly concerned by this but brushed it off because I figured she’s able to stop it.
The time of the move came and she had to go back to Chile temporarily until I could bring her to Ireland. We had a long hug and kiss at the airport and told each other we loved each other and I said I’ll work the hardest I can to get us reunited soon.
Her first two weeks in Chile were fine, we did video calls and talked a lot and told each other we loved each other. Then around the end of January/ beginning of February 2025 she started to get more and more distant. I was suspicious that something was going on and messaged her. She said everything was fine and that she was taking driving lessons(I later found out she wasn’t) so I figured okay that’s fine as it’s something I wanted her to do.
She kept being distant and I was still suspicious.
Then the day before Valentine’s day she claimed she had a mini heart attack and was in the hospital. When I talked to her she said she had nightmares and that she didn’t want to talk to anyone, not even me. I said fine I’ll give her some space and waited until the next day, despite me being extremely worried.
The next day she messaged me saying she was feeling better and thanked me for sending her flowers. We talked a little bit and it all seemed fine. Then I didn’t hear from her all weekend. I ended up messaging her and I said I don’t know what’s going on but I’m not liking it, I was extremely worried about her to the point I was losing sleep and couldn’t focus, I just wanted to know what was going on. She then called me at 1:30am and started apologising saying that her aunts were doing dark magic against her and she wanted to leave the country as soon as possible, so I told her everything was going to be okay and I’ll have her come to Ireland so she can visit and be away from everything for a bit. Later that day I confirmed some dates for her to visit then she agreed to I booked the flights and sent her the details, I was so excited to have her visiting, then within 2 hours she sent me a messages saying
“I found out you cheated on me 3 times, that’s why I haven’t been talking to you, I was hoping your mother, father, older sister or you would’ve told me. I want to end this relationship with you”
I was in shock as it came out of nowhere, I would never cheat on her as I love her a lot, I can’t even think of being with another woman as I love her so much.
I asked her what evidence does she have?
She responded with
“I dreamt about it a few times, also since I’ve been back in Chile I’ve continued being in love with someone else that I’ve always loved but never had a relationship with, I don’t want to go to Ireland and I don’t see a future with you, I hope things go well for you in life”
She then proceeded to block me
I messaged her mother and she said she’d talk to her.
Her sister then messaged me later saying that they were worried about her mental health as she has been acting very different for two weeks. She then started asking her a bunch of questions to which she lied a lot. She stated that my older sister told her that I cheated on her. My wife’s sister then asked me for my older sister’s details so she could message her, my older sister confirmed that that’s something I’d never do and no conversation like that existed between my older sister and my wife. My wife’s sister then apologised as my wife was saying a lot of weird things.
They asked more questions about the other person she supposedly loved. It turns out it was a guy who she knew in college, rejected her and now has his own wife and family, and back in college he was the type of guy to date multiple women at once and treat them badly.
My wife’s sister also explained that she seems to be in psychosis as she was exhibiting a lot of symptoms.
She agreed that night to go to a psychiatrist, and said that she booked an appointment. Fast forward to the Friday she was supposed to have her appointment, it turns out she lied about booking it so they had to book it and bring her themselves.
At this point in time my wife’s family were supporting and believed me that I didn’t cheat.
They went a week and a half later and the doctor spoke to her parents, then spoke to everyone alone. From what I know her mother said that my wife and her family are still in contact, her mother said she won’t say anything more about that part(I’m guessing my wife doesn’t like that)
The psychiatrist ordered for my wife to not leave the house alone, and that they’ll have her do some more tests(these will be going on in the next two weeks) and they should be able to get her a proper diagnosis, she also told my wife to start taking quetiapine again as she was taking it before for her endogenous depression(she stopped taking it without telling me)
This was almost two weeks ago, her sister reported that she did seem to start doing better and she seems more normal, she wasn’t talking to herself much, she was doing stuff but all in silence ,however if they mention me of the supposed “cheating” her mood completely changes, she gets angry, becomes reclusive and won’t talk. Based on that she still is convinced I cheated on her which is simply not true and there’s plenty of evidence. I now know I shouldn’t have, but I sent her some voice messages along with a message that said, please listen to these messages. She replied with “hello, I don’t want to continue the relationship, this is over forever. I’m already in another relationship” I felt bad and showed it to her family members, they said they didn’t think she is in another relationship as

  1. Her sister got into her phone(I knew the code as she would usually have me review things in English for her on it)
  2. She hasn’t been out of the house without her parents and she is barely on social media/her phone so she most likely said that to push me away.
  3. She’s lied about a lot of things within the last month
    I’ve talked to her family a lot, right now they’re just waiting for her next appointments so we can get a proper diagnosis and get her on some good meds so she can get better. At this time they can’t do much but they’ll keep me posted.

Some things I’ll add
I wasn’t the most informed on psychosis before this, however now I have learned a lot and I recognize I should have tried to stop certain things sooner, but I was working 60+ hours a week since my wife’s hours were cut at her job and I was regularly gone for more than 14 hours a day most days so when I was home I was tired but we still went out to restaurants/museums etc.
She has a history of depression, she told me she was depressed and suicidal before she met me, and that I saved her. She regularly thanked me for loving her for who she is and always being there for me. She had a traumatic childhood where she got bullied a lot and struggled to make friends, she told me I was her only friend. She used to occasionally ask me those questions like “if x happened to me, will you still love me?” and “Will you love me when I’m old” I always responded yes I will
My theory is that, because we had to be physically separated for immigration reasons(We’re still legally married) she was stressed since she missed me and the psychosis took over her mind and used one of her biggest fears(me cheating) and now she 100% believes it.
This has been a difficult situation for me as I’ve never faced anything like it. I’ve taken the liberty to educate myself about this illness and how it takes over the mind. I’ve talked to her parents and said that I am willing to continue the marriage, they respect and appreciate my decision, however this is all based on how she comes out of it. If she never accepts that I didn’t cheat, then I can’t continue the marriage, despite all that’s happened I really love her and I am hoping that she still loves me and we can continue this once/if she gets rid of the delusion. I was wondering is it common for spouses to come back to normal after one of these episodes? I think her main issue is her thinking I cheated, and that she said some of those things just to hurt me and push me away.

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Hi, I’m really sorry for what you are going through. This is incredibly difficult. My situation is not exactly the same as yours and schizophrenia does not impact everyone equally so it’s hard for me to say if your wife will gain clarity again after this episode or not.

My ex wife went through a really bad episode of psychosis where she accused me of many nasty things, packed her stuff, left our home and blocked all contact. She was unmedicated during this time. Thankfully she opened contact again after a week and I was able to convince her that she needs to get back on her meds. After about 3 months on meds she regained clarity and realised that all the nasty things she accused me of were delusions and she apologised to me. This was huge as it helped me understand that it was the disease saying all these things and that at her core she truly loved me. A key is not to take the verbal abuse and accusations personally as they are truly suffering and don’t really mean what they say. I know it’s hard in reality, but we have to be strong to support them.

I wish your wife a speedy recovery as it is heart breaking to see your loved one like this and accusing you of the nastiest things! It is important to get her on meds so her thinking becomes clearer. Lots of sleep and low stress also helps. Also it’s best not to argue against the delusions as the sufferer truly believes them and you can’t convince them otherwise even with solid evidence. All you can do is listen and empathise (LEAP method if you want to look it up) Some people make a full recovery and never have another relapse (in remission).

You are a strong and great person for still loving her through all this.

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Thank you, yeah this definitely is very difficult. She will need to take some new antipsychotic medications as she’ll be going for examinations in the coming weeks and will be getting a diagnosis. For me it’s frustrating as I’m so far away and talking to her right now is useless as she’ll just push me away. Her mother is making sure she’s taking her quetiapine meds, although she’s taking a low dosage that won’t stop the delusions. I keep reminding myself that essentially she’s posessed by the psychosis and I shouldn’t take it too seriously. In her mind we’ve broken up but there’s a legal contract that says we’re still married so I’m not taking this as a breakup to say but an illness. It could happen to anybody, even me. Unfortunately she still isn’t talking to me though, I contacted her last week as I couldn’t handle the silent treatment and was told “we’re done forever,I’m already in another relationship” which her family confirmed isn’t true but I’ve decided to step back for now and just wait until she’s back on her medication. I told myself I’m going hope for the best, but also plan for the worst just in case. I really don’t want to lose her as I love her dearly and I know the normal her loves me a lot as well.

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Mine is somewhat Similar
My wife of 19 years outta nowhere wanted a divorce and was accusing me of multiple things.
She began hearing voices Buddha Anubis etc.
she said things like Buddha told her she no longer needs to be a wife and mom and it started to sound like she was going to self harm. I tried to have her committed she ran to her parents.

She told our daughter and her family a ghost told her I had to an affair with a 17 year old and it escalated into I had over 70 affairs but she never said a word to me. It was different things everytime we talked. Soon as she left she claimed to have a b/f but no one ever met him we found out he wasn’t real. But she journaled like they were together all the time since leaving home.
She got committed by her family for trying to walk into the neighbors house claiming it was her safe house and her and her b/f were in witness protection. She wrote her statement in Japanese (she can’t speak Japanese or write it ) she told the police her real father was Ralph Lauren.

10 days later and a schizoaffective bipolar diagnosis she was released some improvement on meds but that lasted all of 2 weeks

2 months later she threatened to harm her whole family and she was committed again.
15 days this time , during the inpatient portion the social worker reached out and said y’all’s marriage is repairable and as long as she stays on her meds and follows treatment she will be fine
The next day she disallowed the social worker to communicate with me.
Claimed she has another family and kids and she needs to be with them.
They release her after we said she’s still in psychosis.
I bring our daughter to visit her and she barely communicates with her I tried to talk to her to let her know we love her etc. and I get berated and blamed for abuse that never happened
My daughter doesn’t wish to see her during this time.
A month goes by and her mom calls and says hey she’s back in the hospital she refused to come inside last night and was frustrated and accusing everyone of lying to her.
Welll the hospital told her parents they were committing her and when they left The hospital released her and no one knew so she went missing for 24 days
We found her at a homeless shelter and we tried a protective order commitment they brought her to the hospital again once again the hospital released her back to the shelter.
A counselor I knew had went to talk to her and she said she is incredibly smart but she was all over the place claiming to be married at 3 and having 23 kids and her spouse is John f Kennedy
She said the memories she spoke about her marriage was everything I told her about ours but with the dead president instead of me.
She said she’s also not living in the shelter but on the sidewalk she said I think if you go try to pick her up she will leave with you. So I tried and it blew up in my face she was irate and screaming the minute she saw me.
Tried to bring our daughter to see her a few days later and she was more concerned with trying to chase me down to scream at me and say we were never married etc. and that’s not her daughter.
Her parents tried to intervene and get her to come home with them. And that didn’t work we found out from the shelter she wasn’t kicked out she left and wouldn’t go back in the staff tried daily to get her to come back in and she refused and they were concerned.
Finally we got another protective custody order done yesterday and she was finally committed again last night.
I put a packet together of everything that’s happened over the past year with her delusions. And hallucinations anything I could think of that would help text screen shots etc. her mom gave it to the admissions nurse I emailed and faxed it to the hospital as well. We weren’t aware that with hippa laws they couldn’t tell us anything and we assumed it meant they wouldn’t listen to us as well but we found out it’s quite different and it’s very important to getting her the right treatment early so our fingers are crossed I will get my wife back and our kids will get their mom back two days ago was a year since she left so it’s been rough

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That sounds like a crazy story and I hope you get her back
My wife ended up making a secret Instagram account that she’s been hiding from me and her family(she blocked me but I know through a small business account I have).
My wife also made up a lot of other stories like saying she was abused as a child and that she attempted suicide when she was younger.
She has also since changed her name on Facebook back to her name from before she was married and has listed herself as single. It’s really hurt me and I’m hoping she comes out of this soon.
She just went for bloodwork and should be going to the psychiatrist Monday so she should hopefully start some new medication.
In saying that I am worrying about how the future will be. I do plan to stick by her as long as she stays on treatment but I do worry how she’ll be down the line. We don’t have kids and I’m wondering if we should have them. Currently I’m 28 and she is 32. I’m working towards getting a mortgage but I’ve also had to put a lot of things on pause. She has kind of hinted at children within the last few months before the move but now I’m questioning if it’s a good idea given her condition.
I wrote a letter to the psychiatrist for her visit and I’m currently writing one for her second visit. I’m hoping it goes well and we can fix this

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My wife made the stories as well about the childhood abuse hers have gotten more far fetched now to her parents were sex trafficking her out of the country.
She has no interest in social media now
She blocked me on fb shortly after leaving home last year but she still uses her married name. Even though she claims we were never married.
She has claimed her real name is Jaclyn Kennedy since claiming to be married to jfk.
We have kids and a mortgage together 20 yrs total and it’s been hell on the kids she acts like they don’t exist and she told our youngest (16 yrs)
She isn’t her daughter and she said our oldest is her granddaughter.
Sounds like your catching it early my wife refuses to see any help which is why we had to go the involuntary route she thinks nothing is wrong with her

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Yeah, I actually believed my wife about her being abused as a child up until recently when.
My wife was making up some weird stories a few months ago taking about her past lives where in one she was the wife of a famous British sailor who visited her country in the 19th century.
She also claimed to be in another relationship a few weeks ago but then put herself as single on Facebook.
We’ve been together 7 years. The first 3 and a half years of our relationship was mostly long distance and we managed to get through it. As mentioned we started a move to Ireland where I came here first and it’s just been weird as she was very pro moving to Ireland then everything changed.
She should get results of her blood tests on Monday and I’m really hoping they give her a good medication and that she comes out of this and we can continue as it’s been extremely trauamatic on me. Imagine moving 3500 miles partly because of an issue renewing your spouse’s visa, giving up a stable and well paying job then taking a crappy factory job to get your wife into the country. That’s what happened to me