Thank you for that hopeful note. " I have to remember that at least he’s alive - and as long as he’s alive, there’s still hope."
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My son wants me to visit him at the Vermont State Psychiatric Hospital this Saturday.
I am afraid of my son’s sudden dangerous behavior towards me.
More times than I can count, he’s had his hand on my throat or punched me in the head. He punched me in the head when we were out at a restaurant at a Christmas dinner right in front of my daughter who was newly pregnant and her husband.
He really tries to “be” someone when I visit him but breaks down after about 30 minutes, just not able to cope, says weird things,
paces, mutters;the disease of paranoid SZ.
This is the longest time he’s been in the hospital.
He told me he hit a doctor, but now has finally found one he can talk to.
Just need all this to be heard.
Responses welcome.
I thought God was supposed to be good and kind. He/she isn’t to my son. Apologies, I get cynical when I see how he and so many other are suffering.
Vermont Woman
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I also get cynical.
I hope you are doing alright.
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I don’t have a lot of experience with the hospital because my son just got out from his first time there, but during visits, I did notice that he did really good for about the first 30 minutes, then he would start saying that I could go if I wanted.
And, of course, I would tell him that I would go if he wanted me to go, but I was OK if he wanted me to stay.
About the 45 minute mark, the delusional stuff started coming out. So maybe keep the visits short?
I’m not religious. And, some days I don’t believe in god at all. But, if there is one, I like to think that he gave me my son because, even though I’ve made countless mistakes, no one else would have been able to cope with him as well. Maybe some other family would have mistreated him or kicked him out or something worse.
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Your comment has me in tears. Thanks for the reminder of the important work we do each day just getting by. If people only knew what we go through and our loved ones go through. May we each find joy in the simple things and learn to recognize them when they come along and help each other through the tough days ahead.
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I know where you are coming from. I thought is this a cruel joke? I’ve been mad and bitter but I’m not any more. God is merciful and keep praying. We actually need him now more than ever. This too shall pass and things will get better with the right meds. Hang in there and check back.
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I notice the same “break down” of socializing, personality, speech with my son, that you mentioned in your post.
They (and we) try so hard to “be” what we think is “normal.”
Because of SZ, I’ve developed a sense of humor and new definition for “normal” behavior".
In olden times, were they priests and shamans with their
otherworldly talk and visions?
Hope you are all doing well.
Vermont Woman
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