Hi there,
New to this site but in need for information/help. We raised my SD27 since she was 8 years old. Great kid, easy, sweet and listened. Mostly lol. Her mother has fragile x syndrome, which is linked for girls to schizophrenia. Her mother was delusional, hearing voices, was into drugs. She never held a job or a place to live and SD didn’t have a relationship with her much. We raised her, she graduated high school and moved out on her own.
As soon as she was on her own she started making bad life decisions. She moved herself across the country with no money and no job to go to and only one friend she knew and assumed they would be happy for her to stay there. They were for a bit, but she overstayed her welcome and when she wouldn’t leave things turned ugly. She then showed up back here and assumed the same here about friends and family.
She ended up finding a job and finding a place to live on her own. Then she started to change. She wouldn’t speak to her father, but would still speak to me. We had always had a close relationship and her and her dad butted heads since they were SO alike. She then stopped speaking to me also and started accusing everyone of abusing her. Everyone. I had calls from a friend of hers, a boy, who was upset because she threatened to call the police if he didn’t stop harassing her. He had asked her for a coffee.
She started to talk and act exactly as her mother did/does (we no longer have dealings with her). When I asked her to be in our wedding she laughed at me. Then we received a phone call that she was in the hospital, in lockdown and had been picked up downtown during the busiest time of day, walking around naked and chatting with people. It was very upsetting, but what we had been wishing for so she could finally get treatment. There were so many things in between that happened I can’t even put them all on paper. We then get a phone call that her family doctor released her. Soon after that, there’s a missing person report and the police are looking for her. They find her again, admit her to hospital again, and again her doctor releases her. This happens yet again.
Now, not even one month later I receive a call from the mental health counsellor that we have been working with trying to get her help and getting support for ourselves. SD27 had signed a consent for her to release her info to us. She is apparently on meds, is getting help and wants contact with us.
It seems too soon. I’m scared she’s going to think everything is just great and we can just move on.
I’m nervous she’s wanting to shit on her dad again since she seemed to get pleasure from it. He has PTSD from his job as a nurse and is still getting well himself.
I don’t really know that I want a relationship with her anymore. She scares me. We keep our doors locked. She admitted to wanting to kill us to her counselor. She’s spread nasty rumors, said nasty things to my face and I don’t trust her and frankly do not want to be alone with her at any time, let alone have her in my house.
I get that she is ill, but I’m unsure I can let everything slide. It doesn’t all just go away because she’s taking pills. How we feel and were treated and the destruction she caused doesn’t just go away because she is sick and has now decided that medication is an option after refusing it for years.
I’m lost. I feel sick. I just want to live a happy, peaceful life. I want her to as well.
Please be gentle, we both have enough guilt and anger to last a lifetime. Thank you in advance.
So sorry to hear that you are going through this! Is there any chance there is a transition home (1/2 way house) or a group home in your town or neighboring town that she could live in? Sometimes there is but you have to ask and push to find out. Is she stable or perhaps she needs to stay in a longer term hospital? Have you seen her?
Hi mellartime. The fact that you even felt the need to ask people to go easy on you because you already feel guilty enough makes me a little sad.
Everyone on this forum knows how difficult this illness is to deal with, whether their loved one is a child, a spouse, or a parent. I’m sorry this illness has also happened to someone important in your life.
In my opinion, it is still way too early for you to make big changes in your life to be a part of her life. In my opinion, her medication compliance is the key. It’s way too early in the ballgame to know if she will indeed remain med compliant.
The longer she’s on meds, the more stable she’ll become. Wait and see. I hope you get to see some good things. Peace.
Hello @mellartime,
Glad you found us, we are all here to listen and offer sound advice.
I agree with you about not letting things slide. You can have rules that she can abide by, being MI does not mean that she can go about doing wrong (unless she is suffering from psychotic break, delusions or anosognosia) boundaries need to be set. I’m a little concerned that you have mentioned the fact that your SD want’s to harm you, be safe, so sorry you are going through this. Take care AnnieNorCal
Edit: If your SD wants to cause harm to you, herself or another family member, calling the police is a good idea and one of the best ways to get her in a pysc hold for evaluation. As you have mentioned, she has not been with you for awhile and she will be different. Shalom
Having contact with the SD while she is in a hospital will not hurt anyone except that it will require your time and emotional energy. I agree that 1 month does not cure a person with that kind of prior psychoses and behavior. You do have to have boundaries. It is the hospital’s job to discharge as safely as possible when the time comes. You can (and probably should) refuse to let her stay with you. Tell the hospital that she CANNOT DISCHARGE TO YOUR HOME. You can work with them to help find a place for her (such as a residential treatment program, halfway house). I once told our loving, non-violent but non-med-compliant SZ son that he couldn’t stay at our home and he could go to a homeless shelter. (I have had professional advice on this.) He didn’t like that idea so went to the treatment program! It is still a journey, but we are trying…and hopeful for med-compliance someday.
Hi all, thank you for kind words and input
I will not allow, and neither would my husband (her dad) her to be released into our home and I don’t think she’s thinking that anyway. Where we live there is support for her so I’m not worried that way, but she also has to want it. I feel it’s way too early to have contact also, I’d like to see a good 6 months of meds and counseling then maybe we can move in that direction. This has been going on for near 5 years so a month in my eyes is easy for her to look like she’s trying (speaking from experience).
She’s been hospitalized 3 times that I know of, last time they did find cocaine in her system so that’s another worry entirely.
I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m emotionally drained, these last few years have been a real test not only with her things going on but the loss of family members, husband’s ptsd, both of our jobs changing right now, I broke my leg last summer so had to leave my second job waitressing so money is a bit less now. Just all of it. I would love to sell everything and just go away and live. Live and be happy.
