Finding help for my 26 year old daugher

I am so happy to finally find a forum for the family members with loved ones diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Sometimes I feel so alone. My daughter had the onset of this condition about 6 years ago. She had been doing well, but now is relapsing. I believe her relapse is due to street drug use and her unwillingness to take her medication. I’ve read about long term care facilities to get her some help, but I am unable to pay just like so many of the comments in this forum that I’ve read. So, now what? What do I do? I don’t want her to end up on the streets, which is what will happen sooner or latter if she continues down this path. Sadly she had been doing so well that she had started college and was looking for an apartment when she met a boy and he introduced her to drugs. Now I don’t recognize my beautiful daughter. What can I do to help her? Where do I turn?

Drugs are a real no no that is for sure. Research and encourage her to research the illness. This forum is a great place to ask questions.

The diagnosis doesn’t really tell us what set of symptoms she has. SO I can’t really comment beyond that.

After 6 years she probably got comfortable enough to start using drugs. Whether its escapism or enhancement she’s after or even just fitting in she should be reminded how fragile her condition potentially is.

I hallucinate constantly but am still pretty functional aside from the odd day where lack of sleep or too much coffee or poorly managing my diet has led me to a bad state. Drinking can also get you there.

I wouldn’t consider long term care facilities. She has a chance of living a normal life.

There is no cure so it’s all about management, that is where research is key.

Anyways I don’t have much else to go of off from what you’ve said here.

Sorry that she has the illness. It’s tragic in all cases.

Good on you for looking out for her. Keep a roof over her head and develop open communication without barriers. You really got to be willing to learn what she is up to without being judgmental or guilting if you really want to get the full scoop.

Wish I could help more.

I try very hard not to be judgmental. I haven’t even brought up the drug use to her. I wish somehow I could get her to seek help or even read this forum, but she just gets so angry at me when I bring up “mental disorder” or say anything about her condition. I can hear her crying in her room right now, I tried to comfort her and she just told me to leave. Since you have experience with Sz is there something I can say to her that will make a difference? She just stays in her room alone all day. Thank you for your reply. It breaks my heart to see her like this and I want to help her.


Wording is key. You could start with “I’m worried about you, you don’t seem happy, I really want you to be open and tell me what you’re going through. I know what you’re dealing with is tough and I want you to know you don’t have to go through it entirely alone. If you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine but I’ll always be here. There are people out there who can help you out as soon as you start talking to them you might feel better. There is nothing wrong with you, we love you and we just want to help. What your dealing with is not your fault. You have room to make positive change here and lead a more fulfilling life. IT’s not going to be easy all the time, but it kills me to see the pain your in. Please help us help you.”

Things along those lines. Remind her people care and she’s not alone and she can still fight for a good stable balanced fulfilling life.

Thank you again. Just to let you know she responded well. I’m glad you were able to help. Most of the time I just stay quiet and give her her space because I don’t want to aggravate the situation since I don’t know what to do most of the time. Thank you for your words. :smile:

That’s great to hear!

I suffered for a year while I watched my (24 yo) daughter lose everything (job, apt, car, friends, family) to this horrible brain disorder and become homeless and eventually in jail for trespassing. Everyone in our family and even friends tried to get her to see she needed help but the disease was controlling her. She even went in and out of psych facilities with them telling me she doesn’t have to agree to take meds, and if she not longer is a danger to herself or others we have to discharge her. ( CA facilities). Because she was an adult I could do nothing to force her to accept help. Finally, she got so bad that her county of residence (in CA) but her on a Conservatorship and placed her in a long term locked facility and mandated she take her meds. Once the right med combo was found she got better and accepted her diagnosis and gained the insight she needed accept she has to take the meds and she has to take them for the rest of her life. However it took her months to get to that point. If the County wouldn’t had stepped in my daughter would still be in denial refusing help, possible still homeless or back in jail.

Thank you for your reply. my daughter has been arrested a couple of times. Once for trespassing and another for drunk in public. I wish it wasn’t so hard to get them the help they need. When she was in the hospital I was unable to speak to doctors or even know that she was in there. luckily she called me. too bad I can’t just tell her doctor that she needs additional help or placement until she is in a good place within herself. I am afraid to even tell her doctor that she is refusing meds because he said that he would not treat her if she refused. since she is still under my roof, at least until tomorrow I am insisting that she takes her meds. she did the last 2 days, yesterday and today.

It’s impossible not to be judgmental, in my (pretty experienced) view, having worked with sz pts for many years, and having been bipolar / paranoid delusional (in treatment) for many more years. It’s proven best for me to observe to notice to recognize to acknowledge to accept to own my judgmental – and reactive – nature when it pops up. (Hey! This is stressful, ya know.)

While my work with hundreds of substance abusers (neurotic, borderline and psychotic) since the late 1980s strongly suggests a confrontational approach in group dynamic setting where such approaches tend to be supported by those who have accepted their circumstances, I also understand that psychotic substance abusers who are not in such settings are almost invariably unreachable with anything less sophisticated than Motivational Enhancement / Interview techniques which are too complex for lay people to utilize most of the time.

My earnest and assertive suggestion is to deal with the two problems the way the Pros do: Tell her that she will have to forego certain privileges (like getting money from you) unless or until she agrees to go to and remain in a good (because there are “bad”) substance abuse treatment facility. One has to be treated for the drug or alcohol addictions before one can be treated for other MH issues.

That said, only the most sophisticated of tx facilities accept and work with “dual diagnosis” patients. If you will reply to this post and tell me where you are in the US, I will get back to you with a list of such facilities in your area.

So familiar sounding!
My son is still not compliant with meds, and it`s not as easy as it once was to get him admitted.
I hope the lines of communication stay open with your daughter. It is EXTREMELY heartbreaking to watch this-I know.
You are not alone.
You are doing the best that you can at this point.

Thank you for your insight. I live in San Bernardino County, California. I have searched for such rehabilitations in my area, but I don’t know the “good” ones, so I very much appreciate the help.

I will suggest that you contact each of these facilities to see what they advise and/or can set up in conjunction with their own programs. These are all facilities that use DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) which is the HMO/PPO gold standard now for many psychiatric disorders, including dual-diagnosis addiction with severe psychosis.

Telecare MAPS and IEHP
2080 South E St.
San Bernadino , CA 92408
United States
Phone: (909) 825-8989
Program(s): Outpatient
Population(s): Adults

ABC Recovery Center
44-359 Palm St
Indio, CA 92201
United States
Phone: (760) 289-2128
Program(s): Inpatient, Outpatient, Intensive Outpatient, Partial Hospitalization Program
Population(s): Adults, Substance Use Disorders

Loma Linda University Behavioral Medicine Center
1710 Barton Rd.
Redlands, CA 92373
Phone: (909) 558-9288
Fax: (909) 558-9590
Program(s): Intensive Outpatient
Population(s): Adolescents

DBT-LA Consultation Team
37 Auburn Ave.
Suite 7
Sierra Madre, CA 91024
Phone: (626) 355-1499
Program(s): Outpatient
Population(s): Adolescents,Adult,Eating Disorders,Substance Use Disorders

Crestwood Behavioral Health Center, Bakersfield
6700 Eucalyptus Drive, Suite A
Bakersfield, CA 93306
Phone: (661) 363-8127
Fax: (661) 363-9124
Program(s): Inpatient/Residential
Population(s): Adult

I’ve had associations with ABC Recovery and Loma Linda BMC in the past. They were both first-rate tx providers at that time.

DBT is described at What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? – Behavioral Tech.

I live in an assisted living facility for the mentally ill which I pay for out of a roughly $700.00/month SSI check and Medicaid and Medicare. I am addressing you from my room right now. This place isn’t a resort, but it’s not a terrible place to live. I am in an “independent living” where I have my own room and I buy my own groceries. Right now I am getting $143.00/month in food stamps. Most of the residents in this facility live in the “residential care facility”, which is shared by about forty residents, who live mostly in two man rooms. They get a $10.00 a week allowance for when we go to town. Many of them get a little money from home too. There are assisted living centers for the mentally spread out over most states in the U.S. Maybe you should investigate getting your daughter on disability. They routinely turn down your first request, but then you get a lawyer who knows the system to help you. People often get their disability on the second try. You don’t have to leave your daughter here permanently. Most of the people who come to this place are just passing through. Some stay a few months. Some stay a few years. And some people stay longer. They can’t legally force you to stay here unless you are court committed.

good to know. I will check in on them if I feel I need to take that route. She is already on disability, so that may make it easier. It just sucks not having full control over her safety. I would have to first get her to admit she has a problem and then talk to her about getting help. at the moment she knows she is sick but is in denial about taking her meds and really sitting down and dealing with it. Besides that, I am at my wits end on how to talk to her and bring up the subject. When I do, she gets really angry and it causes so much aggressive behavior that I just lay off bringing it up. I got her to take her meds 2 days in a row I’m hoping she will take them today as well. She lost the two other meds she had control over so this time, I told her that I was going to give them to her every day. since I paid for them.

Have we had a conversation yet about “culturally normalized co-dependence and how it gets in the way of setting appropriate boundaries and contingencies?” If not, get back to me.

BTW, most of the facilities I ran down on that list offer or can set you up with caregiver training that includes what I just mentioned immediately above.

[quote=“notmoses, post:16, topic:27341”]
caregiver training
[/quote] I had no idea they have this kind of training. Can I find out about this without her approval, since I cant “make” her do anything she doesn’t want to?

If you’re waiting for her approval, you may need to start attending CoDA meetings. and

Group ID Name Day Time Facility City State Zip
CA0053 CoDA GROUP mon 6:00 PM Claremont Presbyterian Church Claremont CA 91711
CA0093 CANDLELIGHT CoDA GROUP Thu 7:30 PM First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton Fullerton CA 92835
CA0101 THANK GOD ITS THURSDAY CoDA GROUP thu 6:30 PM First United Methodist Church Riverside CA 92506
CA0802 GRUPO LA PUENTE sat 2:00 PM Templo San Luis de Francia La Puente CA 91746
CA0840 REDLANDS MONDAY NIGHT CoDA GROUP Mon 7:00 PM First Lutheran Church (Fireside Room) Redlands CA 92373
CA0850 HIGH DESERT RECOVERY CoDA GROUP Wed 6:30 PM Apple Valley Church of the Nazarene Apple Valley CA 92307
CA1153 BOOK STUDY Thu 7:00 PM First Lutheran Church Redlands CA 92373
CA1159 GREAT WAY TO START THE WEEK mon 6:30 PM Eden Lutheran Church Riverside CA 92506
CA1225 BIG BEAR CoDA GROUP Fri 12:30 PM Saint Joseph Church, St. Joseph Church Big Bear Lake CA 92315

I have now seen about a half-dozen pretty strong hints in your posts that suggest to me that you’ll get a lot of useful information and basic support in CoDA. Though it will not be “caregiver training,” per se. For that, you need to contact a good psych hospital, and if you’re near Loma Linda, I would start with the Behavioral Medicine Center there, because it is far and away the most sophisticated.

what does CoDA stand for?

Good days and bad days. I just wanted to let you all know, my daughter had a really good day yesterday. She even spoke that she wanted to see her Psychologist and then told me she didn’t like that her meds were making her feel hungry (Latuda). I told her I had already made an appointment for her with she Psychologist and that we would talk to the doctor about the meds. I told her that there was an injectable medication that might work better for her and she liked that idea. I took her up to Big Bear Lake yesterday, just to get her out of the house because she is usually cooped up in her room alone. We sat by the lake and ate pizza and just hung out. It was nice to see her smile again.

Co-Dependents Anonymous, a fine and dandy 12 Step support group for those who – among other things – have intimates who are problematic in whatever way. See…

They have small group meetings worldwide. (You can find them on their meeting locator.) Also very useful “interpersonal awareness” and “boundary setting” literature on the website.

There are CoDA meetings in Big Bear, as well as a real good one in Redlands on Monday evenings. Hopefully, you will run into NP Edie D. there.