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Another Episode


#1

My husband is having another episode. It has lasted over 2 weeks now. I have having an issue because I am too stubborn I guess. My issue is I know he is in an episode but house duties still have to be done. I cut my grass two weeks ago knowing he was having a hard time. Or as he says “my head is bothering me”. He is still saying his head hurts. I tell him grass is sky high and he says he will cut it when he feels better (its been 2 weeks). He still denies the fact that anything is wrong. So me being stubborn, I think if nothing is wrong then why should I cut the grass. If I cut it yet a second time, he will get used to me doing it. He has NOT SHAME in letting a women do his part. I don’t want to become the grass cutter this summer as I am already the one doing EVERYTHING else. I work and he don’t. He is home all day, he can cut grass. I told him if his head is bothering him, then see a doctor. I know he won’t as he has been out of the house in a while and he don’t plan to. He hides in this house day in, day out.

Anyway, I guess I will cut it soon knowing he will not. This is a huge hill by the way. I love cutting grass but I dislike the hill. Its very hard.

Should I feel stubborn like this? Should I still expect him to cut the grass if he is having a hard time? He has to get up and do something, right? Or no?

And lastly, for the second time he has said something awful and I want to know why. And both days I was headed to church when he said it. He said, “hey, don’t burst into flames”. he laughed about it. I told him that its not very funny and not something to play about. He laughed and said he was playing and being humorous. I said, its not very funny to me. Should I be concerned about this?


#2

Sorry about what you and your husband are going through, I truly am You have a right to all the feelings you experience. The truth is though, with mental illness it is absolutely all consuming and prevents most sufferers from focusing on anything else other than what is in their head at the time. I don’t know from your post if your husband is in treatment or compliant with meds. If he is then his doctor needs to be aware of his episode right away. If he is not then he needs to be as soon as possible.

The greatest lesson I learned from caring for my adult schizophrenic son is that I had to suspend all of my normal and traditional expectations of him and for him. His illness dictated his abilities and his accomplishments day to day and long term…I had to pick up the slack 100% -until he got stable, and it is not easy carrying the load for two. If you are in the relationship regardless of the circumstances for the long haul then there will be a lot of days and weeks when the day to day is squarely on you, you can do it as you are able to or you can hire someone to do it for you or you can let it go until the time comes that your husband is up to it…stress and tension will always make the situation worse, that I know for certain from experience.

With mental illness it is very common for the ill person to not express his true state of mind to you or anyone…my son was and is always “fine” no matter what is actually happening…and as for the dark humor, I don’t know your husband but just as an outsider, that type of humor is not unusual to me, I myself have used that type of humor as a stress reliever and I am relatively well, I mean no harm by it although when I said that very thing, about “not bursting into flames” to my church going sister -I did not mean any harm but she did not find it funny either. I would take it and most things he says with a grain of salt unless he is behaving violently toward you or himself, in which case I would call his doctor and the authorities.

I hope your husband does have psychiatric care in place and that you can get him in to see the doctor and explain about this episode so that maybe he can be helped further, which in turn will be a relief for you. I wish you and your husband all the best going forward.


#3

Unfortunately, he is not being treated. He is in denial. He says I am just trying to make him look crazy. And there is no way he will listen to me because when he first started having symptoms I didn’t handle the situation right. I am his biggest enemy. I am blamed for cheating, stealing the deed to the house, making his work accident happen and more. He is always suspicious of anything i say and questions me about it.

The reason I know its schizophrenia is I wrote a note to his doctor about what he was doing, behaviors etc. The doctor said this is what it is. I got my husband to the doctor but my husband lied about the answers to the questions about hallucinations etc.

Deep down I know I should empathize with him and know he is in a bad spot and just take on the load. But other days I am sooo aggravated with it because he could get help but denies he needs it. How long am I supposed to deal with his illness if he don’t even want help, you know? How long should I overlook his illness and things he says to me or blames me of. Sometimes it comes to a point that i just hold him to normal standards JUST because its his fault he don’t get help.

Anyway, he does have good days. Right now, not so good.


#4

I had similar experiences when I was married to my ex w sz. When his “head hurt”, I couldn’t get him to do anything. My advice is to let the little stuff go. Try not too worry about it.

Can you afford to hire someone to do the lawn?Otherwise, I guess you will have to do it for now. But I would keep asking him. He may relent and do it.

Good luck!


#5

I have asked him for the 2 weeks and he keeps saying “when my head feels better”. But I am afraid if I pay someone OR i cut it he will be used to me doing it and will NEVER cut it again. He seems to get out of a lot of chores by me giving in. I think its sad. Then again, he is sick. I am between different feelings about this. I will cut it beings the yard looks like a forest though.

I also told him if his head is bothering him then see a doctor. I know he ignores me on that.


#6

You may get to a point where you reach a crossroads and have to draw “the line in the sand” either your husband gets help or you may have to separate until he does. It is entirely up to you and what you are willing to deal with in the long term. Another idea is that even if your husband is unwilling to admit he needs a psychiatrist, sometimes the primary care doctor will do what he can (within reason) to help the situation either by talking to him about his “head” and how it is affecting his day to day life and ability to accomplish things or by maybe trying a mood stabilizer which may not solve the problem entirely but could help his mood which often is out of sorts anyway with any mental illness, it won’t fix him if he is schizophrenic but it could make him calmer and maybe easier to approach. My sister was like that and she is schizo affective, she will not go to a psychiatrist but her primary care doctor prescribes her Buspar which doesn’t fix things properly but it does help her in other ways with her anxiety to manage her day to day. You are in a tough spot.


#7

Well, when i changed jobs 2.5 yrs ago I had to find us new doctors due to insurance only covering certain doctors. I found him one and my husband was due for his initial “meeting the doctor” appt and get a check up. My husband cancelled. He WONT GO to a doctor of any sort. For example, for years I heard about getting his teeth fixed before he started these symptoms. Now that he has these schizophrenic symptoms, he won’t go get them fixed. I scheduled one appt only for him to tell me he won’t go the morning of the appt.

Of course, he won’t take meds because “I MIGHT HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO GIVE HIM A DIFFERENT MED THAT CHANGES HIM”.

You are right, it is up to me. I just have to figure things out. I feel sorry if I leave he won’t have any place to go, no money to take care of himself. And, my son will be saddened (he is 7). But all I am right now is a caretaker as my husband says we are not together and we haven’t touched in 2 yrs. So why should i care, right? But I feel bad for him. Anyway, I guess when i posted this I wanted to see if I was right or wrong for feeling like i do–that he should be the man and cut the darn grass. I know that I shouldn’t feel like that though.


#8

I have the times when I feel resentful, just a human here, trying to deal.