Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Asked husband to leave but he refusing


#1

I don’t know what to do. He said he’s not going to leave bc he has been paying rent. He is causing my son great distress and needs to go but he’s determined to “win” like it’s a game. How can I get him to leave and stop trying to cause problems?


#2

Is your husband your son’s father? Does he own the house? If he owns the house, you can’t ask him to leave and if it’s rented or leased you need to speak with the landlord and give him a 2 week – 1 month notice to move out. This is obviously going to affect your relationship with your husband. You could always ask the police to escort your husband out or maybe take your son somewhere else. It’s a very a difficult decision.


#3

No. stepdad 10 yrs apart in age. And as for the house, it is in my parents name. They signed for it for me in 2003. But it’s just their name. We pay mortgage and ins. Just never got around to getting it in our name. My husband didn’t want to bc he said it didn’t feel like his since he moved in with me. But he was living with his dad at the time and I sure wasn’t fixing to move in there! And you are absolutely right!! It is a very hard decision!!


#4

I understand. I hope you can come up with a conclusion that will leave the three of you happy and peaceful.


#5

Meeee tooooo! Neither of us would know how to act!!


#6

Did your son make it to the doctor today?


#7

Yeah, it’s difficult to come to a conclusion without severing either relationships. :sweat:


#8

Yes!! And now the mania will start bc he likes to take more than he should!! Don’t mind me…I’ll just be over here putting out all the “fires” he creates during the first two weeks after getting his meds! :slight_smile: I always try to find laughter where I can! Lol!


#9

Don’t let him. In my opinion, your son is ruling the roost and they all try to but don’t let him. I know things are not what they should be there but when my husband and I are together, we can make a United front. I’m not going to lie and tell you it’s perfect, we have to relearn it daily but you can start today. Sometimes distance is good even for a day. I’m learning when to leave and deescalate the situation. I simply tell them where going and leave.

Is there a way you can give him his medicine to insure he takes it as prescribed? Our son started that bullshit a couple of years ago and I don’t give him the bottle. After a while is is no longer a fight.

I hope I’m not being too direct and I don’t want to come off like I know it all bc I really struggle here myself and never know how each day will end.

I will pray for all of our families.


#10

I think you’re right in that department.


#11

It is such a daily battle here. My husband does not want to learn about sz or bpd and is constantly accusing my son of something!! Picking fights with him. Pointing guns at him!! There is no excuse for this behavior towards his stepson other than he wants him to be gone out of our life!!

It really puts a lot of unnecessary stress on me and my son. And I refuse to let my son be bullied any longer!!

If my husband truly loved me he would join me in learning about the disease and stop being so antagonistic!!

Bc it is negatively affecting my sons health, and bc he refuses to change or learn how to interact with him, then he needs to go! My son is more important!!


#12

There’s no reason why anybody should be pointing a gun at anyone. Your husband sounds very ignorant and even histrionic in his actions.


#13

Agreed! And boy does he like letting people know he is carrying! Its just a dangerous situation for my son to be around!!


#14

The presence of firearms is concerning.

This is how trained officers are taught to handle crisis: https://www.crisisprevention.com/Resources/Knowledge-Base/De-escalation-Tips

I think the link has good ideas for communicating. I googled “deescalate crisis”


#15

I’m so sorry. That is just plain ugly. My husband doesn’t want to talk about it read about either. When I mention something I read, he says I live it and I don’t want to talk about 24/7. I’ve backed off but I do share positive things I read like the man who just donated over millions for schizophrenia research. And also there is brain research that is being done. I really feel like that they cure or something to help the negative symptoms will be right around the corner. My son takes sarcosine every day and there is never an argument.

Hang in there and I agree that behavior is intolerable.


#16

@Sheyelo, My heart goes out to you.


#17

Yes, it really is. You need to set some boundaries and let him know that it’s not okay to do that. It incites a passage for your son to angry and then do the same to him and have a breakdown.


#18

I sent him a message alright! I said I want a divorce. Instead of saying I’m sorry or what can I do, he sad give me my ring back, we need to figure how how we are going to divide our stuff up and he is taking the bed and our dog Rex for starters. Then he proceeds to say that he ain’t leaving. This house is in my parents name and he moved in with me! How can I get him to leave? He’s only doing it so he can continue to escalate and control the situation and my son!! I don’t know what to do. I’m unable to work and still waiting on disability from social security for the past two weeks! I wonder if we are still together when my settlement does come through if I will have to split it with him? Hmm. Maybe that’s another reason why he’s not leaving.


#19

Wow. Get a lawyer and call the police immediately today. Have them present and say, “You have two weeks to leave. They are my witnesses I gave you a warning.”


#20

I’m so sorry you are going through this on top of everything else. I hope you get some relief. I don’t know if you could find a mediator but it does sound like you might need to get some legal council.

Hang in there. Keep us posted.