At the end of my rope


#1

I was on here about a month ago and told about losing my mom in January and how my dad, who has been diagnosed sz for 19 years, was not doing well. It seemed as if his meds either stopped working or he stopped taking them and I didn’t know what to do (I live out of state). I went to visit him about a month ago and the house was in shambles. He had been sleeping in his car because there was nowhere to sleep in the house. He was extremely paranoid and didn’t even want to talk to me. I tried on 3 different days to see him but every time was worse than the prior. I ended up going back home. I called his dr and over the course of a week decided I had no choice but to call the police to do a welfare check. They put him on a 72 hour hold that was extended to 14 days. During that time I flew back out there and spent a week cleaning his house and car (by myself because he is too paranoid to let anyone else in the house). The kept him on the same medicine he had been taking and the dr’s thought that the reason he had relapsed was because he was trying to wean himself off. At the end of the 14 days I could tell he was still paranoid but at least he was talking. He agreed that it would be best for him to go to an assisted living home for a month and then to live with me for a couple of months. In the meantime we were going to try to sell his house so he can buy a house near me in a few months. I flew home after he was in the assisted living. In talking to him I can tell that he has not been getting much better and he was to fly to my house yesterday. He abruptly decided at 2:30 in the morning before the flight that he would not be coming. He called me the next day to tell me that he wanted all his bank information/passwords/bills etc (I have been paying all of his bills since my mom’s passing - she did EVERYTHING for him) and that he was taking over his accounts and bills. Then I find out last night that his house went on the market yesterday and the realtor told me she got a full price offer on it the same day. He told her he still wants to sell the house even though he is not moving back with me. Today I tried calling him and he sounds exactly like he did before he went to the hospital - he wouldn’t talk to me and told me that “he couldn’t talk because he lost control of his tongue”. I am at the end of my rope. He doesn’t want my help. Committing him obviously didn’t work. I have no idea if he has been back to the psychiatrist (he was supposed to go last week) or what they think about all of this. I have a feeling he is not going to talk to me anymore because he doesn’t want me to have him committed again. According to him he is just fine (he is NOT). I don’t know what else to do. I have a sister that has disowned both of us (she has her own issues) and he doesn’t trust ANYONE else. I feel like I can’t take this stress anymore. It is taking a toll on me and my family (husband and 2 teenagers) whom I have neglected during all of this. I’m sorry for the long post :frowning:


#2

Sometimes it can take time for medications to work. A month after my son’s last break he was still showing residual symptoms even on higher doses of his medications. However it does sound like a medication change may need to be looked at. I’m guessing that he is still living in the assisted living? Talk to the psychiatrist that is treating him.

Getting power of attorney may be an option to help him take care of the things that he can’t.


#3

Sometimes you have to take decisions that seem harsh, but will help him on the long run. With your mother’s death and all, he obivously needs assistance to regain his control over life. Depriving him of control might be the best option, at least until his meds kick in.

My thoughts are with you.


#4

Thanks guys…I have thought about a power of attorney but I don’t even know where to start to do this or what would need to be proved. He is very manipulative and he can “hold himself together” for short periods of time when he knows he needs to. Last night I got a call from the assisted living home telling me that he told them last minute that he was going on a 7 day vacation to the mountains. They asked where he was staying and he told them all over. I told them he isn’t talking to me and I knew nothing of any vacation. He was loading his car up as I was speaking to them. I can see where his cell phone is on GPS so I watched to see where he was going. He went directly to a park no where near where he lives (or the mountains for that matter). I looked online about this park and it is known to be frequented with a lot of homeless. He stayed there until the middle of the night when he moved around the corner and was in a parking lot. He moved again before morning to a different parking lot, again down the street from the prior one. I feel helpless.


#5

If you can keep GPSing him, and can tell police where he is, you can possibly get another welfare check on him and the police may just get him into the hospital again. It sounds like he did okay and was reasonable with your game plan right after he had the time in the hospital before. Maybe he wasn’t taking meds after that. Then perhaps he can be more reasonable again, at least long enough to get the selling of the house taken care of and hopefully get him closer to your home. I think the time to get conservatorship, or power of attorney, or whatever will work for you, is while he is in the hospital, but I’m not sure. That is more research to do … You sound so amazing, what you got accomplished for your dad in such a short time, and with all the frustrations, too.