After knowing what I know now, I seriously regret keeping Billy out of prison. He did so much damage to so many people, including me.
I sacrificed my whole life for nothing.
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I’m still not making much progress with the estate stuff yet, I’m taking a few days off this wk. to hopefully come to some decisions,
The past few wks. have been very difficult as my sibling has been sending a lot of messages some of them nonsense, some of them reliving all of his trauma that his schizoaffective has caused jail, homelessness, hospitalizations, and some of them inappropriate.
I get 20 - 200 messages a day most days I quickly review them and delete .
For now I’ve been telling him I cannot help him process his trauma would he start seeing a counselor again ?
I’ve also had to let him know if he sends inappropriate messages I will not be able to talk with him anymore.
That’s my boundary unfortunately I think I will need to set many more .
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It’s interesting that you mentioned boundaries, Meg. As many of us surely know, schizophrenics seem to not respect boundaries, even when you repeatedly reassert them.
I used to use the word “boundaries” with Billy all the time. (Remember that I was pretty much flying blind the whole time, very distressing.) He adamantly and explicitly refused to respect any boundary I set. He always used his go-to excuse: “But I’m your brother.” It used to really, really piss me off when he said that; it was as if he was saying I was his personal doormat and I had nothing to say about it. I would ask him why I should respect his boundaries but he didn’t have to respect mine. His stock answer for this (and similar questions) was ALWAYS “Well that’s different.” “How is it different Bill?” “It just is.” And any attempt to clarify his answers never went any further than this.
What was Billy really trying to tell me? Part of my recovery from his gross abuse of me is understanding why. Why would someone treat their brother, who they profess to love and admire, in such a cruel and thoughtless way? Of course I’m still reading and trying to understand as best I can.
Schizophrenics struggle with self image. Billy had outrageous and horrifying delusions of grandeur; he actually thought he was Hitler! His grossly inflated self image was completely out of line with the reality of who he really was; he was a car thief, rapist, and (almost a) murderer. I think (not sure) that Billy had a hard time differentiating between himself and me. He often bragged about my accomplishments as if they were his own. He often took credit for things I said and did.
I’ll never really know, but whenever he was sticking the knife into my back, his universal excuse was “because I’m your brother.” Maybe I’ll never fully comprehend it.
How annoying. Billy used to call me at least a hundred times a day. He would fill my answering machine with “Hello Hello Hello…” I mean right to the end of the tape. Of course I was always at work (which he always “forgot”) and I would ask him, literally thousands of times, to please not do that and he would never respect my wish. Why? “Because I’m your brother.” Never mind that I might miss an important message. And when I got a cell phone, I had to hide it from him, and when he got the number I lied and said it was for work only and I’d get fired for accepting personal calls, and I had to keep changing my number over and over and over….. Sound familiar? And when I worked at the bank, where my landline was really for business only, and I was receiving hundreds of calls an hour directly related to client concerns, the Bank had to block his number, which I was quite embarrassed about.
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I’m so glad that you finally found this community and other areas of help , even though it’s too little too late I hope that it can help you still on your healing journey.
Yes unfortunately I think I have to set boundaries some of his behaviors now are inappropriate,
And where as in the past I didn’t have a problem being around him even if he was having a psychotic episode l .
But at this point in time I would not even be alone with him when I ask myself that question the answer is no I would not. Unfortunately probably like a lot of us siblings I grew up in a house of trying to keep the peace I saw my parents try to keep the peace over and over by giving my sibling what they thought he wanted.
Thanks again Meg.
What I got out of this place, which in all my years I had never found, is that I was not alone in my suffering. You can’t talk to people about issues related to having a family member with schizophrenia. Outside of the immediate family there can be no meaningful conversation; even aunts, uncles, and cousins will never get it. Unless you witness it with your own eyes it’s just unbelievable and many (most) times they looked at me like I was the crazy one! And sometimes in those moments I would think that maybe I was the crazy one.
Even my best friend just brushed it off. Forget it! He’s gone. No more worries. Don’t speak ill of the dead. (Really!)
That’s just the way of the world.
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The fact that your family didn’t believe you, and they weren’t the ones trying to help, if they would have been trying to help him they probably would understand! or maybe not maybe your brother would be able to rally around them and they wouldn’t know how difficult it was to help him, it’s hard to say.
I’ve been lucky enough to have two very close friends that my brother and I actually both grew up around so they knew my brother in his teens and they know all of the struggles that I have been through with him so I have that support I’m very lucky in that.
Most of my family has tried to help my sibling at one time or another they understand these last years have been such a struggle that they are no longer going to help him so they also understand.
It has to be so frustrating that the people in your life couldn’t relate to what was happening.
While I’m very sympathetic to my brother’s disease and what he goes through on a daily basis .it doesn’t take away the anger of being a sibling to someone with this horrible disease and the trauma it has caused in my life as well.
My sibling chooses to be unmedicated and a lot of times chooses to be self-medicated
I have lost a lot of quality time with both of my parents and now they have both passed. They were really putting out fires all the time and trying to keep the peace with him.. There were many times they couldn’t see me or I couldn’t see them because they couldn’t leave my brother alone. And it was a rare case that either one of them would leave the other to deal with him by themselves.
I hope you continue to find the needed support that you deserve!
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I’m just here to vent this morning,
I’ve been bombarded by hundreds of messages from the time I woke up until the time I go to bed yesterday and it looks like today will be the same!
Now they’re in a group form including my uncle and one of my dad’s friends,
I’ve given little response and no one else is responding most of the messages are nonsense or they’re him being angry about the places his disease has taken him him blaming me for being in jail in a mental hospital.
Some of them are just ridiculous videos of his bowel movements in the toilet I asked not to be included in any of the messages it’s not necessary that I have those messages.
Of course that wasn’t respected, I’ve had to say that I’m no longer going to be on my phone for the day and I had to do the same thing yesterday.
I’m just so frustrated, I understand he’s scared bored lonely, unfortunately we’re not in a place in our relationship where we can really talk much I almost feel like there has to be a mediator.
I’m tired of his disease consuming my life I’m going to try to make it to support group today 
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I’m so sorry megmeg. When someone’s brain is racing, the results can make day to day life difficult for everyone.
You aren’t going to be able to change him and rationality won’t work. You can try to find a situation that works for you.
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