My Sz ex’s family are the ultimate “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” people. Case in point, the family home he has lived in for the past 6 years (since our divorce) has been sold. He has a less than a month to move out. His mom has already been moved into assisted living (by sister and bro in law).
So now he’s alone in the house with few prospects of where he is going to live, what he can afford to rent; his shit (belongings) everywhere— he’s s bit of a hoarder. In short he is overwhelmed.
He HAS known he’d have to move all summer. But for whatever reason, did little to find a new home. I know he is cognitively impaired and very stressed. He cried a little over the phone.
He’s seen one or two options. His next step is to apply for emergency housing for the mentally ill through the county.
I’m angry that his family went ahead with the move without getting him settled in his own place first. They are not poor, and just sold the house . There are vague promises to help him financially.
I get that my ex can be aggravating—believe me, I know!—but what about his being disabled does his family not get? He can’t do this on his own.
My OWN family is more concerned about him than his own. They ask me, where he will live, how will he support himself, etc. Typical for my big Italian family. And they don’t particularly like him, but they are concerned for his well-being.
I’m going to his house next week for 2 days to help out and better assess the situation. Of course, I’ve only heard his side of the story.
sad, worthless relatives that dont want to be bothered with him, i would load up as much of his stuff that you can transport in a single load with him then drop him off at the front door of one of these people and split… do not knock on the door, unload and go…
That is an ugly way to treat the man. I hope you are able to find something satisfactory for him - not at all surprising that he didn’t prepare for this eventuality.
Can you help him get more specific answers about the financial assistance?
If its financially feasible for you, maybe you can assist with storage of some of his property. And/or help him figure out what household goods he may need to dispose of or purchase for moving to a new place. Did the family clear out a lot of stuff, or plan to do so or are they expecting him to handle the clearing of the house? I’m guessing some of the items might be considered his mother’s property and not his.
I do understand, these things can be messy. When we moved my inlaws into a care facility we were doing everything in line with what was necessary in case their money ran out in the future and they needed to be on Medicaid some day. My husband’s siblings were not happy, they had hoped to cash in on the sale of the house. While doing that homework we learned that there are circumstances that prevent homes from being sold. Stuff like an underage grandchild or disabled adult living in the home. It all varies from state to state.
Some or most of the furniture is gone. I’ll see when I get there.There will be an estate sale after he’s moved out. The house has been sold and they are renting it through Nov from the new owner.
I have no other specifics financially re promises from his family to help out. He gets a small monthly income from Social Security.
Of course he procrastinated until the last minute! Great ideas about paying for a storage unit for him. We can get it set up when I go visit. It’s very inexpensive.
Yeah, Hope, I don’t know the specifics about the mom’s situation. She may have needed all the money from the sale of the house to pay for her new residence.
Still, you’d think they’d make some provisions for my ex. He is disabled. But his family does not see it that way.
Some families can look the other way, its sad for their family members.
Jan, I don’t know how familiar you are with social security disability and ssi, the amount they receive can change if their living circumstances change. My son’s went up a great deal when we moved him into his own place. I don’t know if your ex is at the maximum for ssi already or not (in my state its close to $800. a month) He should also be eligible for state food assistance (SNAP here) unless his expenses are very low. It does vary from state to state, but usually someone else can’t pay for their food, housing or clothing. The relatives can pay for his phone, internet, medical expenses,gasoline, transportation stuff like that - they can even pay for his vacations.
If you can work together and assess what he needs, I provided many things for my son from thrift stores and on-line sales, such as Facebook Marketplace.
This is probably overwhelming for him, and your kind heart is showing.
He has plenty of furniture and household stuff. I am renting him a small storage unit so he can put his stuff somewhere secure.(He says he can use it to store sensitive paperwork ).
On a bright note, his other sister who lives nearby is coming over, too, to help us pack him up.
Thanks! It would be good for him to review his benefits . However, I think he’s disqualified from Medicaid and food stamps because he gets too much from Social Security($800 a month only).
I think this shows the importance of having lease agreements even for family members. It cuts both ways, since it gives a legal process for eviction and protects both the tenant and the landlord. My brother leases his house from a trust my parents set up for him, and my sister is a trustee. So we have some legal leverage if he damages the place or otherwise misbehaves. We can get the police involved a little more easily too.
He will not necessarily be disqualified from those services based on his SSI benefits. My son gets the full SSI amount, but also is on Medicaid and food stamps. It has more to do with his savings and monthly expenses .
A review is a good idea, poverty levels do change and in some places you have to apply to get Medicaid and food benefits, they did not happen without applying for my son. Other people have reported that they received them “automatically” when they received ssi.
Of course some folks who receive ssdi receive too much to qualify for ssi, medicaid and food benefits.
It used to be they were eligible for Medicare after two years of being disabled and receiving SSDI.
He went to the county to see if he qualified for Emergency Housing for Disabled. He did not. But the social worker encouraged him to retry Medicaid so he could get Sec. 8 housing. He was filling out the paperwork when he called today. He’s very stressed. I’m trying not to let the stress get to me, too.
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