Hi, I just signed up because I’m at a loss.
I’m 21, and my boyfriend is 20. We’ve been dating for around 20 months. We spent quarantine last year together and have been inseparable, but since August we’ve had to become long distanced because I had to continue my university studies in person. I live 5 hours away. He’s come up to stay the weekend twice, and we call usually over an hour each day. We also watch shows over discord with each other on voice call, and have an online D&D campaign we’re both in. Between all this, we text throughout the day and know what each other are doing at all times. I try really hard to stay communicative.
Over the last two months, he’s become more and more paranoid and delusional. I don’t know what he has, but I feel it’s maybe a form of psychosis- he really does seem to believe his delusions. He gets upset and jealous of new friends I make, accusing me of cheating and that I enjoy spending time with them more. I end up having to leave the venue or restaurant of where me and a new friend meet up at to call him and calm him down - or I end up messaging him throughout my hang out with someone to reassure him. I end up not following through with further plans with people because I’m afraid to trigger him.
We also have a mutual friend that he’s paranoid about. Me and this friend dated for 3 months over 2 years ago, way before I knew my current boyfriend. It ended badly and with time and effort, we’ve remained friends and never bring it up. I’ve been open with my boyfriend about this past and reassured him that those feelings are gone on both sides. Still, he accuses me of secretly conspiring with our mutual friend to make a fool out of him.
He spirals constantly over seemingly small things, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or how better to help him. I really do love him and I want a future with him.
I’ve suggested therapy and have connected him with a counselor, and he keeps dragging his knees to book an appointment. It’s at a reduced rate of $60 per session but he’s afraid of therapy or being put on medication, and he doesn’t feel safe to tell his family that he needs counseling. But I can’t help him on my own anymore though, I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried almost everything and I don’t want to lose him.