Hello. My brother lives in my basement (he took over and kicked my dad out of the basement when he last relapsed two years ago). He avoids me so I don’t see him often at all, and I don’t go down to see him because every interaction we have is him lying to me.
Last week, I heard him excitedly talking to someone at around 9:30 am, which is usually when he is sleeping. I opened the door and asked who he was talking to. He said he was just on the phone. Clearly, that was a lie (i also checked his phone records to confirm), and he looks aggravated that I was talking to him. He gave me an attitude and I asked if he was still taking his meds. He said he had to bc they test his blood for it. I know they check every so often for lithium, but not risperidone.
Since this interaction, I have heard him talking to himself when I am near the stairs to the basement and have caught him laughing and speaking nonsense on our security cameras. When he hears our footsteps, he stops speaking. This afternoon, I heard him speaking nonsensically.
He canceled his appts with his doctor and therapist this week (and lied saying that they canceled it bc of a mix up). He said his next appts not for another 4 weeks (another lie). The therapist did not seem surprised when I was finally able to get a hold of her to tell her about what was going on. She basically said that there’s not much we can do and to call the crisis team and police if I ever feel unsafe.
So am I just waiting for him to get so bad that we have to call 911 and the crisis team? He won’t talk to me ever since I told him that he needed to sign the housing application during his last relapse (I have three young children, he contributes zero to my house, and he does nothing but play video games and spend all his social security money on electronics and games while telling me that he doesn’t get money from Disability bc there is a “‘mix up” and they’re still looking into it… it’s been 3 yrs).
I know he has to voluntarily go to the hospital bc they won’t take him unless he says he wants to hurt himself or someone else. So he would have to be totally out of it for him to be involuntarily taken. Am I just waiting for him to get to that point??
Hello, and welcome back to this site. I am sorry your brother is so ill and has relapsed. Sometimes that happens even when a person is on meds but often when they go off.
I just wanted to suggest to you that your brother sounds like he is having VERY strong delusions and hallucinations. He probably believes every word he says to you is the truth, because those things he sees and hears ARE the truth to him. I would respectfully suggest you NOT feel that he is lying as he is unable to change his own delusions and hallucinations. It is the illness talking. If you haven’t read the book I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help by Dr. Amador, or watched his videos, that will help you to understand how delusions and hallucinations take over the minds of our loved ones with schizophrenia. Your brother probably believes everything he is saying is true and it won’t ever help to dispute to his face his delusions.
Yes, you may have to wait until he threatens harm to self or others to force him into a hospital setting where his meds might be adjusted. My own experience with my adult daughter was ONLY solved by MANY calls to the police, some forced hospitalizations, court ordered meds, and going through 6 meds to find the ONE that has worked for her. A NAMI support group was essential for my own sanity and well being.
I built a separate “apartment” into my house for my daughter so she could scream at night at her voices (no one was there) and cut down the noise in my part of the house so I could sleep. She also had her own back door so she could go out and wander the city when she felt she had to. She often threw her meds away. One day she went to jail for kicking a policeman, the judge listened to me when I said she talks to people who live in the sky and I needed her on meds, she yelled at the judge that I was NOT her mother, which helped him see she was delusional, and that was the beginning of a hospitalization that got her on the right meds. That was 6 years ago now, after 3 years of active loud psychosis. Her life is completely different now (mine too) as the right medicine was like a miracle.
I hope you take good care of yourself, keep your children safe, and learn about this illness. You may have to call the police repeatedly to finally get him admitted. And he may have to be admitted several times over the coming years. Also I hope you can feel a bit of compassion for your brother’s horrible war in his own head with people you can’t see or hear. He is helpless in some ways inside his own head.
Thank you so much for your response. I guess I do just need to take a wait and see approach for now.
My brother has told my children that he gets money from the government because he cannot work and that that is how he affords to buy them things. It is only when I ask him about it myself that he says he didn’t get money because they’re still investigating an issue. This isn’t a recent thing. This is since he recovered from his previous relapse in 2022 that he tells me he doesn’t have any money. Meanwhile, he buys my kids whatever video game or console they remotely mention as well as a desktop computer for them just to play games on. My children know he gets money from the government bc that’s what he tells them. He has told me lies such as that he’s using money that he has saved or that a friend gave him these things. I stopped asking a long time ago bc I have learned that it is pointless.
I do feel very badly for my brother. He has been living with me ever since right before he was diagnosed at age 26/27 and he is almost 39. He was only living in community housing for a year or so, and I only had him stay with us bc of Covid, and he has never left. I know he cannot help himself, which is exactly why I feel like I am doing him a disservice by letting him stay with us, holed up in my basement. There is no way he can get any better and function normally by staying with us, especially when he says he does not like me and avoids me completely. More importantly, my mental health suffers bc of him, and my dad suffers as well with every relapse. During his last relapse, my then 10 yr old daughter told me that she would have trouble swallowing and trouble breathing but that this would happen only on the way home from school. I realized that this might be because she was experiencing anxiety about coming home to where my brother was acting erratic and saying scary things. I cannot have that.
In my humble opinion, your brother has the symptom called anosognosia. I get the feeling that you are offended by what you see as “lying and trying to hide symptoms”?
In the coming years your brother will make some progress that will make it possible for him to live with less supports. Playing video games is one of the activities that helps his brain. Providing housing for dad and brother is quite the commitment. How is their relationship? Is it possible for them to share housing away from your family?
Sorry, I think I need to discern between which behaviors are occurring right now vs the ones he exhibited between the relapses. I do get upset when he is stable and of clear mind and tells me one thing (I don’t get SSI money or benefits bc they are investigating), while telling my children otherwise (I use the money the government gives me to buy you video games and a computer). I understand that right now, while he is relapsing, that he is lying and hiding symptoms bc of his illness. When I said every interaction is a lie, I meant while he is well and clear minded.
As for him having anosognosia… I thought that term meant that he did not have insight into his disease. He normally does have insight into his disease, takes his meds, and acknowledges that he has schizophrenia. Right now, he knows he has schizophrenia, but he may not know that he is relapsing and exhibiting symptoms of it. For example, my middle child went downstairs and saw him, and she said he asked her if he was crazy. She replied, “you’re always crazy,” because she didn’t know what to say. She does not know about his mental illness . I was not home so I don’t know what has demeanor was when he asked.
My dad helps me care for my children. My dad cannot afford separate housing for himself and my brother even if he wanted it. May I ask why you say that in the coming years he will be able to live with less supports as he makes progress? How will he make progress?
I’m sorry you are going through this time right now and feeling like your brother is relapsing ,how very very difficult to try and manage the all the aspects of your sibling relationship, the destruction of sz , and aging parent, all while managing your family !
Sounds like brother when he is well is good around the kids .
I’ve recently been seeing some books advertised for children explaining sz. Maybe some of these would help your dear daughter,
A few years back when my sibling was in psychosis even though he doesn’t live with me he would call all hours and would be cursing loudly etc.
My Dear son 6 at the time could hear and was upset I started explaining uncles illness to him at that time . I try to be age appropriate about it . We all also meaning my" immediate family Dh,DS and I "see our own counselors.
I hope it doesn’t have to come to crisis and your sibling will eventually be able to get his own space
It sounds like he has made your basement a safe space
I hope one day my sibling will be able to do this to
Nearly all of them improve as they grow older. Video games are a way of keeping the brain attempting connections.
As schizophrenia is cyclical, anosognosia can be cyclical as well. Sometimes your brother may have more awareness of his brain disorder than other times, some gain some insight on meds (so we have had reported on this forum). Has he been hospitalized? Sometimes our family members learn how to say what people want to hear in order to get themselves released from the hospital. If his psychosis was causing more problems, he would have trouble remembering to “go along” with what you want to hear.
Hiding talking to voices isn’t unusual and it’s a pretty good idea if someone is going to give you grief about it.
Someone did some good work and got him on benefits - for whatever reason he believes he gets them - my son believed his benefits were for something entirely different.
Confabulation is how the brain satisfies itself when anosognosia is getting in the way.
How fortunate your brother obtains “well and clear minded” he has a bright forecast for his future indeed.
